Lost & Found

Authors:  Pet & Foxhunt2blue

Rating: NC-17 (all over rating)

Pairing: Angel/Spike

Spoilers: AtS Series Finale "Do Not Fade Away"

Disclaimer: Our wonderful Joss created them I had nothing to do with it-wish I had. Frankly the boys would be a lot happier with me as their mama! *web

Feedback: Please feed the baby slash ho's cause they can be quite pathetic. They cry all night if they don't get their daily dose of feedback. *giggle

E-mail: Pet - spikespet2001@yahoo.com; Fox - foxhunter2blue@yahoo.com

Authors' Note: The poem used in the text is entitled "Music for Where Soft Voices Die" written by the writer/poet Sir Percy Bysshe Shelly

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~Part: 1~

Los Angeles

May 2004

Rain was beating down and the sky cracking open as a bolt of lightening illuminated the sky. The four warriors were backed into an alley but none afraid.

Gunn still stood despite Illyria's prediction, but perhaps that was because Illyria was protecting him with her very being. Spike was no more than two feet from Angel who stood alone taking down the huge, menacing dragon that reared up above him.

His sword swung out causing the dragon to arch its neck just like he'd wanted. Heaving the sword up Angel pushed it up through the dragon's throat. One long shriek, then the dragon dropped dead at Angel's feet. Yanking his sword free Angel turned to Spike his smile so bright it almost lit up the entire alley.

"I killed the dragon."

Spike grinned back wide. "Bloody well did a number on its arse!"

Turning he swung his sword in a wide arc taking off two demon heads and his eyes lifted to search out Illyria and Gunn. Across the alley he could see Illyria crouched next to Gunn a wicked ball of blue flame exploding from her hand to clear a path through the demons.

"Peaches! Dragons are all and well, but I think Blue and Charlie could use a hand or..."

Suddenly Spike was cut off by the sound of roaring high above them. His gaze lifted to the stormy sky to see a swirl of red light.

"Damn looks like you pissed the suits off something awful, luv!"

Glancing down Spike 's body froze. This wasn't right--- it couldn't be, he thought. One dead dragon lying in a pool of thick greenish blood. Next to it lying on the ground was Angel's sword dripping with gore.

A sudden cold chill tore up his spine as he stormed through the thinning army of demons. Spike's eyes scanned the alley his face shifting as he scented the air trying to catch a lingering hint of his sire. There was none. It was as if he had simply vanished into thin air. Raising his gaze to the stormy sky Spike let out a roar.

"ANGEL!!!"

Twenty-five years later...

"Man, Alexis told us you wouldn't fly. Something about you wanted to---as she said 'quote, unquote'---drive the open road. Are ya nuts? Get your ass on a plane and get home. Who wants to cruise through that region any way man. Oregon...Spike that's like where they did the witch trials where was it..."

In the background was a muffled voice then a resounding slap echoed in Spike's ear.

"Owww...Jesus, I baby...yeah Salem that's it."

Spike snorted glaring at the cell as Gunn let out a yelp and he chuckled. "What better place to be demon hunting, Charlie. And tell Blue she needs to get over the whole omnipotent god thing at some bloody point."

Slowing the car Spike started looking for a sign. Anything that would tell him where the bloody hell he was at. "Oh, and Charlie tell Lexi she needs to make sure that ponce of a boyfriend of hers brings back my leather jacket or I'll be ripping his bloody tonsils out and playing bass on them."

"Uh-huh...sure."

In the background there was more talking and Gunn let out a huge sigh. "Massachusetts.Oregon what's the damn difference woman? Oh, oh fine you're right I'm wrong now get me a beer. Don't look at me like that. No---you will not have my daughter rip my legs off to show me my lesson. I AM NOT A LOWER BEING! I'M YOUR DAMN HUSBAND!" Another huge sigh, then Gunn came back to Spike. "Okay, I'll tell dip shit to not harm your baby. Oh and by the way. I was going through stuff `again' she told me Angel's coat is missing any idea why?"

"Why would I know where the sodding thing is..." Spike grumbled his gaze drifting down at the leather coat he wore. "I've been thinking, Charlie. Bout time we got rid of all that trash ain't no bloody reason to hold on to it---now is there?" He sighed as the headlights of the Cadillac hit the sign.

Cloverdale.

Spike snorted in amusement. "Look Charlie tell the girls I'll be home soon, okay?"

"Now Spike ya know I---she don't like change. She's already freaking that you'll be late estimating minutes, hours, and days as we speak, but I'll keep it in mind. You take care---be safe. Call often I want to live to be ninety at least she'll drive me nuts if you don't. Talk at you later man." The cell on the other end went dead.

Drawing in a deep unneeded breath Spike leaned back in the seat the cool night air ruffling his hair as he sat the cell aside. He was bloody well starving and he was thinking that maybe Cloverdale might be the exact place he needed to be. He knew if he wanted to enjoy a burger it'd have to be here. Illyria has always been a pain in his arse about him eating 'human food'.

He chuckled as he turned at the exit. A sign pointed him to a truck stop two miles up the road and the idea of maybe a nice rare steak got him humming. Reaching for his smokes he lit one and hit the play button on the CD player the wild call of 'Rancid' echoing in his ears.

Kicking back Spike sang along as he drove past small houses and dirt roads heading into the mountains. As he turned following the road signs he dropped his smoke and let out a curse as it fell in his lap.

"Bloody fuck all!" He managed to slap out the flying embers and  retrieve the butt. When he finally looked up it was just in time to catch a glimpse of movement in the road. "Son of a bloody whore!"

Spike hit the brakes hard trying to twist the wheel---it wasn't quick enough. There was a loud thud and a choked cry.

"Sodding hell..." Spike groaned as the car came to a stop. "Let it be a bloody deer."

Around the car the night air was silent for a few moments, then there was a loud groan and a figure---a very *human* figure---tried to pick itself up off the road only to make it halfway, then fall again with a hiss. The figure grabbed its side and tried once again to move.

Spike's eyes grew wide as he watched the figure loom in the headlights. "Shit..." he grumbled as he pushed open the door hitting the emergency break. "Hey, you crazy git!" He moved towards the stumbling figure. "You're hurt now. Can't be having you limping off like that, pet."

The figure chuckled, but that only made him hiss and roll to the ground to relieve the pain he was in.

"You...you hit me. Who's cra...craz...crazy, again?"

"Well I ain't the one trying to walk away you crazy sod." Spike's eyes narrowed as he walked closer to the man in question.

He knew that voice, but it couldn't be. He sniffed the air and caught the scent of blood and beneath the blood the natural scent of the man. So familiar, yet different some how.

"Where you bleeding from, mate? Is it bad now?"

Moving to look down at himself he only screamed out. "FUCK...don't know. Hurts... everything hurts."

He tried to move again and slipped on the road his hand coming up to shield his head from another crack against anything. When he settled down he glanced down at the blood on his fingers from where he'd touched the back of his head and hummed. "Found it."

Then he promptly passed out.

As the young man crumpled Spike dove forward catching his upper body. His eyes went wide as he finally got his first glimpse of the man he'd hit. If his heart had actually beat it might have stopped.

"Bloody hell..." he groaned as he cradled the bigger man in his arms. "...can't be...it..." his hand settled on the man's chest and felt the warmth of his skin beneath the tee-shirt and the distinct beat of a very human heart.

"Angel?" Spike whispered. "Can't be now can it, pet. You're human, but..." he lifted the man up one arm slung over his shoulder. "Wake up now, luv. Need some help getting your fat arse into the car."

Eyelids fluttering the man winced clinging tighter to Spike as if he were afraid he would fall or die from the pain. His eyes opened and he moved his neck as much as he could to look at Spike. His head spun, he tasted blood on his lip, and he could smell it as well as it ran down the back of his neck. One of his legs could barely stand firm as he wobbled along. He ideally thought---as well as he could---that something was broken the sentiment in his voice.

"Broken."

"Yeah, luv. I'd say you are." Spike tried hard not to think of how much this strangers dark eyes call to him. The powers that be have a bloody bitch of a sense of humor, he thought.  "Come on now let's get you to a doctor. I'm a bit of a stranger in these parts---is there a hospital nearby?"

Spike gently guided the young man to the back seat of the Cadillac. He noticed he was shivering and went to the driver's side popping the trunk. Heading back to the trunk he retrieved a thick blanket.

"Okay, now peaches lets get you wrapped up." He flinched as he realized that he just called this boy something he hadn't spoken in twenty-five years.

Chuckling the man shivered harder wrapping the blanket around his whole body pulling it up past his lips muttering under the blanket. "Funny peaches," he coughed, ".ha-ha. Hospital...ten miles south. Between...a vet...vettter...animal hospital and a Dunkin Donuts. Ask...ask for Pilgrim...Sydney Pilgrim." With that the man passed out again.

"Shit..." Spike grumbled as he managed to pull the boy into the car noting the red streaks in his dark spiky hair that stood out against the light colored blanket. In the process he noticed how badly swollen the boy's ankle was as well.

"I'll get you some help, luv. Don't you worry." Getting into the driver's seat Spike slammed the door, the shifted gears as he hit the gas. He thoughts were in turmoil over the young man in the back seat. For now though it was time to go in search of the elusive Dunkin Donuts and a stranger named Sydney Pilgrim.

***

Doctor Sydney Pilgrim was flipping through a stack of charts when he glanced up to see a thin, lanky, tiny punk rock looking kid carry in his best friend.  He threw the charts down on the nurse's station desk opening a door that lead into an exam room. "Here."

Looking up Spike met a pair of baby blue eyes that were wide with disbelief. Disbelief of what he wasn't sure, but he moved across the room to the gurney gently lowering his burden. "You wouldn't bloody well be Sydney would you be, pet?" Spike growled. "Hit your friend now with my car. He told me where to come. Fraid I hurt him bad."

"Yes. I would be Sydney. How fast were you going?" Sydney replied as he started pushing aside his friend's shirt checking him over.

"Bloody hell if I know. I saw him---just not in time--- hit the brakes a bit too late. His heartbeats steady though. Heads messed up and bleeding." Spike ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Tell me he's gonna be okay, pet. I feel bad I do..." he trailed off watching the stranger with Angel's face as the boy whimpered softly.

Sydney looked over his friend accessing the situation with a sharp eye. Then he heard his friend whimper and he began talking softly---soothingly. "Sean.Sean, come on wake up give up those beautiful browns my friend."

Sean's eyes fluttered, then he squinted them against the bright lights---groaning. "Too bright Syd."

Pushing the call button near the bed Sydney called a nurse who ran in. "Lights dim them now please." The nurse nodded then left.

Slowly Sydney began to prod. "Tell me when something hurts---you hear me you stupid idiotic dipshit."

Sean moaned as Sydney touched the back of his head, then his ribs. "FUCKER...you're loving this...oww...damn it! I beat up people for you."

"Yes. I'm aware of that, but you must know I'm doing my job. And did no one ever tell you that you're a man Sean not a freaking immortal being. You have to watch where you walk."

"Hey, I'm the victim here. I was just going across the road for a paper. The diner was out then---POW!---I was thinking. OWWW.damn it Syd."

"Yes, your ankle is broken...we'll have to set that." Sydney replied with a sigh, then he left to gather supplies.

Spike had been pacing the exam room nervously, but when Sydney left he approached the young man. "Haven't introduced myself right and proper. My name's Spike---and you're Sean?"

Sean studied the young man who had hit him. He does seem sorry so he decides to cut him a break. He nodded as his fingers probed the back of his head---an occasional hiss escap-ing his lips.

"Yeah, that's me---one Sean Patrick Donahue. Spike now that's an interesting name. Your mom a hippie or something?"

Spike chuckled. "Actually a nick name, luv. My mum rest her soul gave me a proper name. William--- William James Atherton. But I have to admit that really doesn't hold the air of menace that the look does." He grinned at Sean, his eyes sparkling.

"Don't know William is a proud name...Will is better though it's steady, yet rolls off your tongue." Sean replied just as Sydney returned.

"Ah.talking and in clear sentences. Are you sure you're my friend? " Sydney chuckled as he sat out the supplies on a tray. "So let's see glue your head back together. We don't want what talent you have to seep. Then set your ankle. You'll not like me for that---I'm sure."

Sean sighed, but sat up only to have Sydney stop him. "Stubborn man I `do not' need your help. I need you to stay put."

"Fine, fine...glue and set...put me back together." Sean sighed louder.

"I will. After all you're my perfect male specimen. I tell Zach you're hurt and he'll go and pray to his Buddha. So best we not tell him until necessary." Sydney whispers, then he and Sean chuckled together. Sydney started carefully cleaning Sean's head wound.

Spike flinched as he watched Sydney clean the wound on the back of Sean's head. His gut is knotted up as he continued watching and silently listening then he began patting himself down for a smoke. With a quick nod of his head he called over his shoulder. "Going to go for a smoke, mates. I'll be right outside."

Sydney and Sean both nodded.

"No problem sorry I forgot to ask his name."

"Spike." Sean replied.

"Spike? Well that's fitting."

"I like Will better."

"What?"

"Never mind glue.set."

Sydney started to pat the area dry at the back of Sean's head, then he carefully began to apply the glue.

"So something to tell me?"

Sean arched a brow. "No, why?"

"Hot little number like that just drives into town and runs  *you* over. What are the chances?" Sydney shrugged his shoulders.

"You're so gay Syd. But you know don't drag me with you." Sean snapped as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I am indeed gay and when did you become so close minded my friend?"

"I AM NOT CLOSE MINDED...OWWW!!"

Sydney rolled his eyes as he continued applying the glue. "Don't yell with a concussion then dumb ass." He sat down the glue holding back Sean's hair and waited for the glue to set.

"Ohh.baby." Sean mockingly moaned.

"Shut up or no setting of your ankle." Sydney replied drolly.

"Oh, what? You can be fresh, but not me. This is why I do not make friends." Sean grumbled.

"I find that hard to believe with such charm, luv." Spike strolled back in with a wry smile. He'd heard a bit of the conversation and he was pretty sure that 'Syd' was making assumptions. Frankly all he wanted was to make sure this Sean was okay and then he could leave this nightmare behind him.

Sydney lifted Sean's ankle and looked at him in sympathy. "Grin and bear it, my darling boy."

Spike raised a brow at the affectionate name that Syd called Sean.

"I told you that creeps me out when you call me that."

A chuckle escaped Spike at Sean's reaction to that name.

"A lot of things creep you out, nuns, religion in general, being called darling boy...but we all have our quirks now grin Sean."

Gritting his teeth at the same time Sydney grasped his ankle as Sean braced himself. With a simple twist the bone snapped in to place as Sean screamed his eyes rolling back into his head.

Once more he'd passed out.

Sydney sighed as he began wrapping Sean's ankle. Carefully he moved the brace into place and pulling it snug as he strapped it into place. Pushing the call button again Sydney spoke. "Susan please call Sean's mother and inform her of his condition."

"Yes, sir."

A few minutes passed while Sydney continued working as he waited for the nurse. The call came from the nurse as he finished cleaning up.

"Sir, according to the answering machine both Sean's mother and sister are in Aruba. They won't be back for a month."

"Wonderful, just wonderful." Sydney sighed gently slapping Sean's face in a very unmanly way.

"Wake up you pain."

Sean's eyes fluttered open and he touched his face with a glare. "Did you bitch slap me?"

"Yes, and I'm prepared to again. Your mother and sister are on vacation. You can't get around by yourself for a month Sean. You need help."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"NO I DON'T!! OWW FUCK!!"

"Sooner or later you will learn that is a bad thing. And yes you do."

Chuckling  Spike walked across the room to where Sean was shrieking at Sydney. Before he could stop himself his mouth opened and he said softly. "I'd keep an eye on you, pet. Not like I'm in much of a hurry."

Sean's head snapped to Spike, and then to Sydney's soft smile. "Now see how very kind is that. He breaks you and he volunteers to fix you. Kind of like that you break it you buy it phrase."

"Syd." Sean hissed through his teeth as he looked back to Spike.

"What, what did I say?" Sydney innocently commented.

"Nothing." Sean muttered.

"Very well then it's settled. Spike here will help you until your mother and sister return."

"WHAT? No...I don't need!" Sean's quickly barked out.

Sydney plugged his ears as he walked out of the exam room. "La, la, la, la, la, la, la."

"That's so two year old I know where you live. I am evil."  Sean screamed after Sydney's retreating back. Finally he gave up and dropped back on the pillows closing his eyes.

Reaching out Spike ran a cool palm over Sean's sweat dampened brow. "Don't worry, luv. I don't bite unless you ask."

Sean peered through his lashes at Spike. "I'm straight. I'm also open-minded so don't think I'm being ignorant. But I'm really straight. No matter how many gay men flock to me like Mecca. So if your hoping.." He trailed off feeling stupid now.

"Hoping?" Spike raised brow in amusement. "Look, luv---ain't none of my mind what you prefer in your bed. I'm just offering to help out a bit that's all. You wouldn't have been here if it weren't for my careless arse."

Sean nodded as he considered Spike's words.

Just then Sydney returned with a bag of prescriptions in hand. "Now here is something to help him with his pain. There's Demerol it's fabu for pain. Do not under any circumstances let his stubborn behind walk around like nothing is wrong---he isn't bed ridden but he will push it if you let him. Now let me bandage those ribs it'll help with the pain, but I can't make the bruises disappear  about hundred or more years past my knowledge." Moving to Sean's side he picked up the bandages and began binding Sean's ribs.

Sean sighed looking at Spike. "Deal, because he won't let me leave here without you. That and he'll tell my mommy on me."

"Well, let's get you home and settled in now. Sydney can we get peaches here some crutches and I can pack him up in the car and take care of him right and proper." Spike winked at Sydney a shit eating grin on his pale face.

Sydney smiled and pushed the button. "Susan crutches, the special ones please."

Looking at Sydney his brow arching Sean cleared his throat. "Special?"

"Never you mind Irish. Come on lets get your shirt back on. Don't need swooning and screaming. And that's from the fellas and the ladies."

Sean rolled his eyes and with the assistance of Sydney's arm he lifted himself off the gurney to his feet slowly. Slipping his shirt on his gaze lifted to see the nurse enter with a hot pink metallic pair of crutches with tiny purple flowers painted on them.

Sydney grinned. "Your crutches my friend.'"

Face turning pale Sean shook his head. "I never did anything to you to deserve this."

Sydney patted Sean's back taking the crutches from the nurse. "Here now don't be that way. Think of it this way. If Zach sees you hurt and broken the appearance of the girlie crutches may cheer him up." He smiled hopefully.

"Judas, Benedict, trader, trickster." Sean muttered as he took the crutches.

"Ah, yes feeling the love, feeling the love." Sydney replied.

Spike just shook his head and patted Sean's shoulder. "Don't worry, luv. I'll be protecting you from all the lovely gentlemen." Then he leaned in close and whispered. "I can always repaint the crutches."

Sean grinned at Spike, then limped out with the help of the girlie crutches. He managed to escape with no more than a whistle, a shocked face from a former one night stand, and then a whispered. 'Oh my god I knew it.' He glanced at Spike once they arrived back at the instrument of his pain. Nice car, Sean thought, and look no dents---go car.

"So peaches..." Spike slid into the drivers seat with a grin, "...where do you hide out at in this poor excuse for a town?" He turned the ignition key  the engine roaring to life.

Sean slid carefully into the passengers side. "I live in the mountains...about ten minutes from town. Before we get to that though we need to drop my keys off at the diner. Millie's husband owns the local tow company and he'll bring my jeep back to my house. Doesn't look like I'll be driving anytime soon."

"Well, then , luv." Spike smiled as he shifted the car into gear. "One bus ride to El Diner!" He hit the gas roaring out of the parking lot with a wild yell. "Hang on, pet!"

Gripping anything and everything at once for safety Sean rolled his eyes as they speed off. He was only a little nervous to be in the same car that had hit him. He was a bit more nervous to be in that car with the stranger who'd done the hitting.

Ten minutes later they arrived and Sean climbed out hobbling on his crutches into the diner. He gave the keys to Millie, then came back getting into the waiting car with a sigh. "Now from here you want to turn right, and then we'll keep going straight for about five minutes. There's a dirt road next to a big sign advertising the local lake---turn right at the sign.

Spike raised a brow. "You live by a lake. Ain't nothing like a moonlit swim." His smile widened as he remembered skinny dipping with Angel in a lake in Austria. "I hope you can swim in your lake, luv."

"Yes, I can swim in my lake. Love the lake. Paint it often---night, day, stars, no stars, rain that was interesting, but nice. I just love water. Wait until you see my tub--- there's two shower heads. One spills out like a waterfall and the other one is a huge shower head that has six setting---I love my tub."

"Sounds like a dream tub, peaches. I'm a bit of a bloody bath whore myself." Spike continued thinking of that night in Austria and realized to his horror that he's called this stranger peaches again. He fumbled for a smoke and lit up inhaling deeply. This is crazy---or is it?, he thought. This wasn't Angel. This wasn't the man he loved more than life or death. This wasn't his sire--- or was it?

"Yeah...tubs and water love them both, pet." His eyes glazed over as he chided himself for a fool.

***

As Spike turned the car into the road at the sign Sean sat up a bit straighter. "All right now we get a bit tricky. There's a fork in the road and you'll need to go left. Two miles down the road there will be a cross road intersection you'll go right, then an immediate left. It'll be straight ahead the rest of the way to my place. Just remember. Left, right, left, straight."

Spike listens to the directions, but there was something he thought that he'd missed. Suddenly it hit him. He glanced over at Sean and swallowed hard. "Did you say you paint, pet?"

Nodding Sean held out his hands. "Yes, I do. These puppies are practically insured. Stella would have freaked if anything happened to my hands. She loves my hands the most. She's my link to the outside world that buys my work. She's sells my work exclusively. I don't have many friends there's Sydney, Stella, Millie, and Ralph her husband and few other choice people. Then I have my mom and sister. Other than that I'm content to be on my own, with my work and my home."

Spike swallowed again and for a moment he thought if he had a beating heart it would have stopped. Too many things are so right about this and yet wrong. He'd spent twenty-five years searching for his sire. And this man-- -this boy---was so much like him. "I'd like to bloody well see your work..." Spike pauses as he feels that word form on his tongue. "Had a lover once who painted. Was a talented artist..."

"No, problem Spike. I'm not bashful. I was at first, but then the money started rolling in. If rich New Yorkers and Californians think my work is superb, out of this world, defining, telling---then who am I to argue. As long as you don't have issues with any kind of subject matter then we're good. Okay up ahead here. The row of lanterns will help you see my road. Hell I'm the only place up here."

Focusing on the road Spike's saw the soft glow of the lanterns far sooner than Sean ever would. He smiled as he thought of what Sean just said. "Not much of a critic, pet. But I know what I bloody well like." Spike's smile widened just a bit. "Maybe I could pose for you sometime."

Sean studied Spike seemingly considering Spike's proposition as his gaze moved over his body. Then softly he replied as he looked back to the road. "Yeah why not. I painted Sydney and Zach---naked and wrapped together. Actually that's the only painting I've ever kept and I'd would never sell it. Wouldn't even give it to Sydney. I love it for whatever reason. I get shit for it, too."

Spike raised a brow. "Your friend, Sydney? And Zach-- -is that his lover?" He turned where the lanterns glowed softly and headed up the road. "Would that be the subject matter you asked about?"

"Yeah, Syd and Zach are lovers. Zach works in the gallery with Stella. He came from California. He's really, `really' out there. But he's fun. Yeah that was my subject matter." They pulled into the driveway and Sean opened the car door, getting out as he talked. "I paint gay, lesbian, and nudes. So as long as you're cool with it then we will be fine."

"Got no problem with it. Love to swing a bit myself, luv." Spike turned off the engine and stepped out of the car tossing his keys in one hand. "Nothing more sodding natural than someone exploring their sexuality." He headed for the door behind Sean admiring the denim clad view. "As a matter of fact my last lover was a man...best lover I ever bloody had. Those artistic hands just drove me..." Spike suddenly stopped thinking he'd said far too much.

Sean chuckled glancing over his shoulder as he unlocked the front door. "I knew it. So you had a lover who was a man? And he was a painter as well? And then you run me over. What did he do to you? Leave you high and dry? Or leave you for a younger, fresh out of high school lad. Who lets him do that terribly popular Daddy kink trend Syd says is all the rage?"

Suddenly a sad expression drifted over Spike's face and he averted his eyes to the ground. "Disappeared." He whispered. "Just vanished one night."

Sean hissed he hadn't thought he would hit a sore spot. Opening the door he moved inside, then stepped out of the way. "Shit, I'm a fucker. Sorry, didn't mean to actually guess. Well it's his loss then. You seem plenty nice, and you're not ugly by far. Take it from this painter's eyes. Come on---come in."

"Naw it's fine, luv. Been awhile...thanks for the invite. Didn't want to think you'd make me sleep in the sodding car." Shaking his head he smiled. "Looked for him for a long time figured he died. I still miss, Angel."

"Angel?" Sean quirked a brow and for a second he seemed distant---but only a second---then he nodded. "That's a pretty name. Was he the bottom?" Then he groaned. "Never mind.and because I asked that Syd gets a call. God, me and my mouth."

"Naw...it's okay, pet. Curiosity is just human nature. He was the top and I liked it that way. He was a beauty though..." Spike paused a second considering if he should push it. "Body like a fucking god...eyes so dark you could get lost in them...like the bottom of an endless well."

"Damn.then I'm sorry times ten." Sean replied as he sets the crutches to the side, slipping off his jacket he turned the muscles rippling under his tee-shirt. "Person- ally though. That's why I don't form attachments. Too messy when you have to break. Plus, I'm very." he waved his arms about as he slowly limped to the kitchen. "Particular.things have to be a certain way, and I can be hard to deal with. My father and mother were both Irish. I was born there, but then they moved here when I was two. So I tend to have a temper that---I am not kidding---borders on murderous some days. Mom even has trouble with me but those times are few and far in between."

"Irish?" Spike swallowed hard and suddenly he knows- --he just bloody well knows---that somehow his sire has been returned to him. His heart screamed it even as his mind tried to deny it. "Bloody hot...that they are, luv. Hotter the blood the better though."

"Knew Irish people then, too? Well you and I will just get along fine. You seem to fit me and that's odd. Haven't ever had anyone fit me in so many ways." Sean replied as he opened the fridge bending over to retrieve a few cold gel packs for his side. As he does his tee- shirt rides up.

Spike's eyes widened as Sean's shirt rode up the soft dip of his bare back revealing a tattoo at the base of his spine. Not just any tattoo either.

"...shit..." he whispered beneath his breath.

There---in all its elaborate glory---nestled in that delicious dip above that perfect ass was a gryphon. A gryphon almost identical to Angel's. All that's was missing was the 'A'. If it were possible for Spike to pale further he did as he dropped---like a lead weight---into one of the kitchen chairs.

"Angel...bloody hell..." he moaned then cleared his throat hoping Sean didn't hear him. "Wouldn't have a beer for a mate would you, luv."

Sean pulled out of the fridge straightening with two gel packs and a beer tossing it to Spike. "Sure, there you go. If you want more just help yourself. I'm not going to like torture you by starving you. Need to eat---eat, drink---drink. Least I can do." He slowly lifted his tee- shirt off and began to unwrap his ribs. Only an occasional hiss or groan escaped despite how much pain he was obviously in.

Setting the beer aside Spike moved to Sean's side. "Have a seat now, luv. I'll take care of that. That's what I'm here for now--- ain't it. Owe you that bloody much being as I bruised you."

Sean seemed hesitant for a few seconds, but he finally sat lowering his hands. "Okay. Sorry just used to doing things myself---help away."

"Nothing wrong with that, luv. Wouldn't happen to have any liniment around now would you?" He frowned as he studied the purpled bruises.

"Bathroom cabinet. Bathroom is the third door to the right." Sean replied as he tried to find the most comfortable way to sit without aching.

Spike wandered to the bathroom trying not to think that he was taking advantage of the situation. He retrieved the bottle from the medicine chest and stopped to stare in admiration of the tub. God he wanted to get Sean in that tub so bad, but it wasn't really Sean he wanted---he wanted Angel and the thought of that alone caused his cock to twitch. He returned to the kitchen and removed his coat.

"Now this might hurt a bit, pet." He opened the bottle and knelt pouring a small amount of the liniment in his hand, then he began slowly rubbing it into the bruised skin of Sean's back.

Sean gritted his teeth setting his head on the cool glass of the table. "Okay...okay doesn't hurt. Pain is your friend---reminds you that you're still alive. Doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt."

"Hush, luv." Spike whispered in a cracking voice. His hands massaged the warm liquid into Sean's abused body as the words he heard made his chest ache---his vision blurring. "Doesn't hurt...swear it doesn't..." he mumbled as tears welled over his lashes and slowly trail down his face.

Nodding frantically Sean clenched his eyes shut and when he spoke it was softly his voice is tinged with an Irish brogue. The Irish he claimed to have in his blood.

"Yer right.yer right. Get over it and let it go. Jus' pain. will go away. Dinna think on it jus' let it pass."

When Spike heard that brogue rise his lower lip trembled. He poured more liniment in his hand and reared up on his knees stroking along Sean's skin in an almost sensuous manner. He let his eyes drift shut as he tried to blink back the flow of tears.

"Tried, luv." He whispered. "I did...I bloody well tried, but you left an empty aching void in my soul. Why did you leave...why...angel..." the last world was barely audible.

Sean lifted up a bit glancing down at Spike. "What? Missed everything after I bloody well tried. It's okay you know. Been hurt before. I'm not dying or anything, but you need some heat. Your hands are cold. You cold? Want me to start the fire in the fireplace?"

Spike stood screwing the lid on the bottle. He turned away quickly hoping Sean hadn't seen the tears he knew glistened on his face. He walked to the sink and began washing his hands.

"No...I'm okay, Sean. Just tired...feeling bad that I did this to you, luv." He mentally curses himself for saying what he did, but for a moment---a simple moment---he could have sworn it was Angel sitting in that chair. "Now let's get those ribs bound up firmly. Then we can both get some rest." He splashed water on his face then shut off the sink. "I think we both could use a bit now, luv."

Sean nodded, then stood looking idly at the gel packs. "Well, didn't need them after all." He threw the packs back in the fridge, then lifted his arms. "Bandage up."

Carefully Spike begins winding the bandages around Sean's bruised ribs. "Now it has to be tight. Let me know if I hurt you---don't want to hurt you, peaches." He tugs the bandage tighter and loops it around searching for signs of pain in Sean's smooth face.

Grinning Sean glanced at Spike. "Do I smell like them? I mean is that why you call me that? Peaches, it's not exactly a everyday nickname."

Spike's eyes shifted to the floor away from Sean's inquiring and curious dark eyes. "Not for you bleedin' yanks it ain't. It's a term of friendship back home." He sighs softly. "Guess I like you, Sean. I only call people that if I like them, pet."

"Now that's just sweet Spike." Sean said with a goofy expression. Spike finished with the bandages and he lowered his arms. "But you know what?"

Lifting his gaze Spike's eyes went wide. "What, pet?" He almost choked as he saw Sean's brilliant smile.

"I think I like you, too." Sean replied as he lifted his hand patting Spike's cheek. "But I think I want to call you Will. I'm not liking Spike. Will just sounds better. Now come on help the invalid to his bed."

Spike swallowed hard and looked away. "Yeah, well I do need to get you to bed, luv. Don't want Syd boy to crack my bloody arse for neglecting my duties as nursemaid." He handed Sean his crutches, then smiled. "Now shall we take this to the bedroom?"

Sean laughed grabbing his crutches and he led Spike to his room. It was at the end of the hall---large double doors heralding the way.

When the doors are opened they were surrounded with candles that filled every nook. They stood on shelves, a chest of drawers, and wooden planks on the floor. In the far corner was a bonsai tree with a tiny waterfall behind it that flows into a small pool with two coy swimming contentedly along.

A bed stood in the middle of the room it has no headboard it's just on a huge wooden base with a large mattress that seems to flow and dip like water. The bedding is awash in a sea of deep dark colors---blues, reds, and purples. Above the bed is a large mirror that covers the expanse of the ceiling. On the other side of the room are shelves and more shelves. Bookcases all filled to the brim with books. On the walls are huge photos---one of Sean, one of his mother and sister, and then one each of his friends.

Looking around the room Spike was completely enamored with the exquisite beauty of this room. It's like getting a glimpse into the soul of this man. After over a century of existence Spike considered himself a good judge of character.

This man---this stranger with the face of his lost sire--- was the ultimate sensualist. Everything was so carefully placed and beautifully done. From the silk of the bedding and its vibrant colors, to the tiny spiritual garden and the number of books most that he's familiar with.

He moves through the room taking it all in and finally his eyes alight on the family portraits. He slowly moves from one to the next until he reaches the photo of a young woman and his eyes widen in awe as he lifts his hand tracing her features through the glass. "...Kathy..." Spike whispered softly.

Sean looked up then. "How do you know my sister's name? Grant it I don't call her that---just Mom---I call her Kat. But how did you know that? Are you psychic?"

Shaking his head Spike turned to Sean with glittering eyes. He hadn't been aware that he'd spoken aloud. "What, luv?"

"You said Kathy? My sister the picture right there the one you're looking at is Kathy, my sister." Sean sat the crutches against the wall and limped over to the picture tracing his sister's face.

"Didn't realize..." he fumbled for a moment and took an unneeded breath. "Guess she looks like a Kathy, pet. She's a lovely girl." He watched Sean and in his eyes he saw the same love for his sister as he had once saw in Angel's eyes. "She's special ain't she. Never had any siblings myself."

He had the sudden urge to leave right now. To run out that door, jump in the car, and start driving. Start driving and never stop until he was back in LA. Angel was dead---he was gone---and no amount of wishing would bring him back.

"Oh, yeah she's everything to me. I would die for her, kill for her. Do anything she wanted. She's my girl." Sean stepped back and looked at his mom. "Mom is my other girl---only constants in my life. My da he died when I was five. He drank himself to death pretty much. Never treated my mom right. He died in his chair with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. Never liked him much." He moved away as his eyes went distant, then walked to the chest.

"I just need to change and then you can help me up my tiny steps, then you can go crash in the guest room."

Clearing his throat Spike watched as Sean disappeared into the bathroom. He was grateful that he wouldn't see Sean undressing. He took a deep breath and began pacing his whole body shaking with the need to run. His eyes ached and he was bloody sure that if he had to breath he would have already choked.

All the things screaming at him were hard to ignore now. He knows this man. For god's sake, he thought, Sean's sister and his father, and the hatred he had seen in Sean's eyes for his father. A hatred that mirrored the hatred he'd seen so often in Angel's eyes as they had laid next to one another in the wee hours of the morning talking in a post-coital bliss. It was the only time Angel ever dropped the walls that surrounded him completely. So completely that he sometimes would weep against Spike's shoulder.

His thoughts drifted as he walked to the bookcase and traced the spines of the leather-bound books until he stopped and slipped a volume out. First edition of Sir Percy Bysshe Shelly. He pursed his lips as he gently turned the pages and remembered one moment in time. A moment before a fire in a cottage by the sea and Angelus---his skin glowing like molten fire---as he read to a young and yet still naive vampire, William.

Sean opened the door the soft glow of the bathroom light playing across his body from the fiery red tints in his hair to his smooth bare chest. He leaned against the door clad in black silk pajama bottoms only. His arms crossing his chest and his head tilted, eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, I know depressing and romantic. I can be strange like that. I like the weirdest stuff and hate the weirdest stuff as well. I like his writing though. Sometime maybe I'll tell you all about Sean Patrick Donahue and his many quirks."

Spike's eyes glittered as he turned to Sean. With out looking down at the book he held reverently in his hands he gazed into those dark eyes that reminded him of his lost lover and he spoke softly.

"Music, when soft voices die, Vibrates in memory; Odours, when sweet violets sicken, Live with the sense they quicken."

Sean grinned and cut in his voice booming out.

"Rose leaves, when the rose is dead, Are heaped for the beloved's bed; And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone, Love itself shall slumber on."

Hands trembling Spike smiled a soft smile reminiscent of that young innocent poet who had been embraced by a dark immortal lover so long ago. "Shelly knew what it was to grieve..." his voice softened as he turned and replaced the book. "Grief can fade, but love never does, peaches."

"I imagine it doesn't 'William'." Sean replied smoothly as he limped carefully to his bed. His fingers slid through his hair rubbing until it goes every which direction. His other hand scratching down over his tattoo.

Spike followed Sean to the bed his undead heart aching as he wrapped his arm around Sean's waist. Bracing Sean as he hops up the steps to the bed Spike studies him.

"You're tired, luv." He whispered wishing with all his heart that he could crawl into that bed next to Sean. To lay down and watch over this frail human who he hurt with his careless actions. He helps him lay back and finds a pillow to prop up his bound ankle. "Now where's that sodding guest room?" He chuckled as he pulled the comforter over Sean.

Sean pointed his finger towards the door murmuring. "Across from the bathroom." Then he curled on his side pulling the blanket around his shoulders and yawned.

"Blankets are in the closet. Light switch next to the door. Fan in the window if you get hot---take it out if you get cold." His eyes drifted shut as he whispered. "Good-night, Will."

***

Spike slipped from the room and escaped into the cool darkness of the hall, but it wasn't enough. He gathered blankets taking them to the guest room that was nice and comfortable, but not quite the room that Sean rested in. He went through the motions of getting ready for bed. Boots, socks, tee-shirt and belt were removed then laid on the cherry wood antique dresser.

He made up the bed trying not to think of the pulsing ache between his thighs. Turning on the fan he stretched out on the cool sheets and closed his eyes.

***

Sheep.

Disgusting slimy demons.

He tried it all, but all he could do was toss and turn unable to forget the man across the hall. With a sigh he opened one eye and peered at the ruby numbers on the clock.

Two in the morning.

Sighing he swung his legs over the mattress and scrubbed his face, then stood. "Bloody hell you sodding, git." He mumbled making his way back to Sean's room.

Standing in the door his chest constricted as he studied the young man with eyes full of memories. Memories of his sire---of Angel. He crossed the room stealthily and found himself setting on the edge of the huge bed.

Sean was laying on his side one arm tucked beneath a pillow and the other flung across the sheets. The comforter has slid to his waist and Spike could see the smooth expanse of muscled chest, his skin a pure perfect porcelain in the silvered moonlight. A fine shadow of hair ran down into the waist of the silk pajama bottoms. His dark hair was a wild spiky mass of midnight silk and the shadows carved his features into sharpness. The brow that even now was knotted into what could be one of many emotions, the strong profile with the perfect lips, the lower pouting out in sleep like a small child.

Why, Spike wondered, had he found himself here with this man?

Because you git, he thought, you've convinced yourself that somehow your lover, your best friend---has returned to you after twenty-five years.

"Bollocks..." he whispered softly, then slipped from the bed. A swim he thought is just what the doctor ordered. As he slipped from the room as he snorted. "Maybe the water is really cold."

***

Sean's eyes opened as Spike slipped from the room but he staid still until he heard the door to the house open, then slowly close with a quiet click.

Sitting up Sean tried to rationalize what had just happened. Since he lived alone in this house noises woke him easily and when Spike had sat down on his bed he had awakened---just not opened his eyes.

He'd known the man---this stranger---was studying him,  he couldn't figure out why. He could have of course form opinions but it all seemed more than that. He slid off the bed and carefully landed trying to be careful not to bump his foot.

He landed slowly limping out and down the hall. When he reached the kitchen his gaze moved towards the huge window that made up one wall of the dining room and he moved to it. Opening the curtains just enough to look out he sees something that almost makes his heart stop dead.

Sean had *never* in his entire twenty-five years been passionate about another man---never felt anything other than kinship. But as he looked out at Spike who was standing down by the lake, the moon casting shadows on his pale and very naked skin Sean felt 'something'.

Something that was definitely not kinship.

He almost turned away then, disgusted, freaked, and confused but when he sees Spike tilt his head back he doesn't. Spike's long, slim fingers ran through his hair, messing the perfectly gelled-down hair into a disarray.

Sean couldn't move away now even if he had wanted, too. He watched as Spike's hands slid from his hair down his body, not playing with himself but rather drifting. They drifted as if he was imagining someone else's hands grazing his skin and was trying to recover the feeling---the memory. As soon as it started he saw Spike snap back to reality, then dipped his foot into the water moving it back and forth. Spike grinned and his lips move, but Sean can't hear what he said. It seems funny or cute, though, then without another word he dived into the water like a graceful ballerina.

The dive was so graceful that it did little more than cause two tiny ripples. Sean's hand lifted to the glass and he whispered. "Where did you come from?"

His eyes closed as a sudden rush of emotions gripped him. He couldn't explain it and he couldn't stop it. As a matter of fact it hit him so hard his hands slipped from the glass forcing him to catch himself on a nearby stand.

When he had finally gotten back his composure he peered out the window, watching Spike swim and dive. His movements were so beautiful, so precise. Sean couldn't help having an appreciation for those movements. He watched with no more thought because simply put he couldn't think.

Minutes---perhaps an hour---passed as Sean stood in the same spot unmoving until finally Spike slipped out of the water. Sean whimpered as he watched the water cascade down that pale, perfect, sculpted body like art in motion. He could see Spike was liquid sex on legs.

Sean saw Spike grab his things then start dressing and he freaked. He pushed the curtain shut and started to wobble as fast as he could back to his room. After a number of near slips and falls he finally makes it back hopping on his bed---miraculously not beating his foot -----he stared at the mirror above the bed. He stares at himself his breath making his chest rise and fall, then whispers to himself.

"What the hell just happened to me? What's going on? Jesus Christ what am I thinking?" He rolled to his side pulling the covers back over his head as he clenches his eyes shut.

But a whisper echoes in his head and spreads.

'Beautiful, perfect, mine.you're mine, always mine, my boy. My boy.my beautiful boy, beautiful blue eyes, beautiful whore. Mine, mine, mine..mine, mine, mine, Will. You're mine, Will.Will.'

Sean sat up quickly and screamed "SHUT UP!!"

That was when he heard the door open and he laid back down, rolling over, and steadied himself. His eyes drifted and his heart thudded until his mind ebbed into a stress induced sleep of exhaustion.

~Part: 2~

Morning light streamed through the window creeping up and over the bed as Sean opened his bleary eyes and groaned. Not from the pain, but more from the remembrance of the night before. He wanted to rationalize it, find some excuse for it. But he found he just couldn't. Spike had watched over and studied him, then when he had left Sean had followed doing the same.

Then there was the voice, `his' voice, but not.

There was no way it could have been. He had never met this man, this Spike, William before and he definitely had never had any type of possessive, intimate relationship with him. Rolling carefully to his back he stared at himself in the mirror above his bed. "It was just trauma, that's all don't over analyze it. Yeah, yeah, that's the way to think."

Sliding out of bed he limped to his chest of drawers, then fetched a towel on his way to the bathroom. He planned to carry on with his day as if
`nothing' happened. Because anything else was just insanity.

***

Dragging himself from bed Spike sat naked and staring at the pale square of morning light from the bedroom window. "Shit...never bloody slept like that before...not in a while. Not since..." he shook his head refusing to think of the man who was across the hall.

He stood and carefully side stepped the sunlight entering the small bathroom. Once inside the shower he realized he hadn't brought his bag inside and his blood bottles were on ice in the car as well. Grumping to himself he took a quick shower and yanked on his jeans from the day before. Contem- plating the situation Spike decided the blood could wait, but he had to eat something. If for no other reason than to keep the truth of what he was from his host.

Spike meandered down the hall into the kitchen rubbing his damp head with a towel. "Now what have we got here, luv?" He began pulling cabinets open in search of breakfast.

***

Sean showered quickly, then pulled on a pair of well worn jeans and a threadbare tee-shirt leaving his hair wet and in a disarray. Sometimes he found his hair had to be perfect, almost immaculate, but today---today it was just messy. He limped slowly out to the kitchen and what he found had him gripping the side of the wall so hard that if he were just a bit stronger he could have broken off a section of  that wall. Spike was making pancakes, but that wasn't the part that had him reaching for a lifeline in the wall.

Spike was making pancakes---shirtless and shoeless---with just low riding jeans on and he had never seen anything so mesmerizing---'ever'. And he'd seen a lot of artsy, beautiful things. Coughing to draw attention to himself he spoke. "Good morning, was wondering if maybe you could slip me some drugs. Get me through the day. Syd gave it all to you."

Glancing up with a shit eating grin---one pale curl falling over his brow---as he flipped a pancake Spike chuckled. "Did he now, luv?" He sighed, then glanced towards the window knowing that Sean needed his medicine. "Sean I have to tell you something that's bloody well embarrassing."

Sean nodded moving over to the counter leaning back against it. "Shoot, I'm listening."

Flipping the pancake onto the stack of pancakes Spike sighed. "I well.I sort of have this allergy...an allergy to..." he pours more batter into the sizzling skillet, "...sunlight. I couldn't go out in the bloody sun." Spike mumbled as he watched the batter begin to bubble.

"Oh, yeah Syd treats a little girl who has Xero- derma Pigmentosa. She's sensitive to sunlight. Missing something in her skin so she blisters and everything. So it's cool. I could hobble out if you want get your stuff and my medicine. I don't want you getting sick for me."

"No!" Spike barked, then gave Sean an embarrass- ed looked. "I'll go out...no problem...I just need a blanket. Couldn't very well have you thinking I was a vampire or something like that now could I, luv." He flipped out the final pancake with a smile and shut off the burner. "You'll need something to eat though before you take those meds. Couldn't be taking happy drugs on an empty stomach, pet."

Spike tossed the skillet into the sink and picked up the platter of pancakes. "Buttermilk..." he nodded at the plate, "...good for what bloody well ails you."

Sean smiled moving to the table and sat down carefully. "They smell really good. Nice to see you're a cook. I dabble but I think I'm not very good. Now lets see blanket...there's one on the couch. It's pretty thick you could use that." He pulled the butter and syrup closer to and started forking a few pancakes onto his plate.

"Glad to know you're not bloody freaked out about my little problem." Spike sat down juice and milk on the table as the microwave pinged and he chuckled. "I heated up some bangers, too." Going to the microwave he opened the door and remov- ing a platter of link sausages.

Sean shook his head. "No, of course not. My best friend is a medical doctor. Born and bred I swear it. I was really glad when he naturally wanted to be a doctor. His dad would have freaked otherwise. So I know all kinds of stuff, seen all kinds of stuff. Your safe with me."

"Maple syrup flavored---best kind, peaches." He sat the platter down then retrieved glasses from the cabinet. "Juice?" He raised one dark brow as he poured himself a glass.

He lifted his plate. "Yes to juice...and yes to sausage---love meat---nothing like sinking your teeth into something thick and chewy. Substance you know what I mean? If you couldn't taste it, wrap your teeth around it, enjoy it what's the point? Like art, if you couldn't enjoy it completely then---well this might sound lame. If you couldn't enjoy the *artistry* of it and everything you do then it's lacks what a person needs to survive."

"Know what you mean, luv." Spike handed Sean a glass of orange juice, then poured himself another. "Always loved a good meal my father was a bit of a hunter and he taught me well. Nothing like..." Spike glanced up taking a deep drink of the orange juice and then sat the glass aside.

"Well, doesn't matter. Push those hot cakes over here now would you?" He smiled as he picked a few links from the platter. "You eat all right and proper, pet. Then I'll go get your happy drugs."

Sean slid the plate over, then started digging in. He took a few big bites of his pancake stack---almost wolfing it down---then forked a few links on his plate slowly eating them. Before each bite he twirls the fork a bit from side to side, then snapped off a bit in his mouth. He smiled as he washed that much down with his juice.

"It's really good. Like really 'good'. Might not want you to ever leave. So far you're proving more than handy."

Sitting quietly Spike watched Sean eat and a tiny smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. He'd always tried to convince Angel to eat, but he never could quite get him there. Even if he was wrong and this young man wasn't Angel somehow he's still happy to see the face he cared for smile like that.

"Might not want to leave either, peaches. I kind of like it here in the middle of sodding nowhere."

Sean looked around sighing happily. "I love it here. My mom thinks I have a fear of cities or crowds but I don't. I have no trouble with either. I just feel for some reason that I have no need to live in them. I feel as if I've been there, done that. I feel as if I have always wanted this more than anything. To be somewhere peaceful, where I don't have to be anything to `anyone' except me."

Shaking his head Spike tossed a couple pancakes on his plate and drenched them with syrup. "Trust me ain't missing much, pet. Nothing but corruption and evil everywhere you looked. Dirty, dank alleys..." he sighs cutting off a huge chunk of pancake. "Sometimes I wish I could find a place like this...safe, beautiful...a place where I could find my lover and stay til' the end of my days. Doesn't happen like that does it, mate?"

"No, I guess it doesn't." Sean says quietly taking a few more bites then finishing himself.

He pushed his plate aside without eating and head- ed to his room. "Let me get my boots and then I'll go get your meds, luv."

Standing Sean gathered the plates taking them to the sink to rinse, then put them in the dishwater. That's when another feeling---a memory that isn't his---hits him. The plates drop to the bottom of the sink. "Dirty, dank alleys."

<Why do ye think yer so special, Willy? Huh? Yer a nuisance ta me. Nay, dinna walk away come 'ere. Shush, dinna cry. Shush.ye were born in a dirty, dank alley, but yer my favored, Will. Always my favorite.>

***

Setting on the bed and lacing his boot Spike suddenly heard shattering glass. Pulling his tee shirt over his head  he stood and ran into the kitchen. Sean was standing at the sink his eyes focused straight ahead and glazed over.

"Sean?" Spike moved closer when there was no immediate reply. As he got closer he could see how pale Sean's face was and the beads of per- spiration standing out along his forehead and his upper lip. Frankly he looked in shock.

"Sean?" He reached out laying a hand on the other man's shoulder and squeezed the trembling flesh. "Hey, peaches it's me. Come on now snap out of it, luv."

Sean moved fast---faster than he ever thought he could. The next thing he knew Spike was in front of him and he had his arms in a tight grip. He said nothing just holding onto Spike his fingers digging into his arms, but not painfully. His eyes still seemed far away, but as the seconds seem to drag and melt together his eyes slowly cleared and he spoke softly.

"Dinna matter where yer born, wha' matters is I wanted ye."

His eyes clear completely as he releases Spike's arms slowly backing up. "Head must be still a little...little foggy...I'm just going to sit on the couch." He turned and walked into the living room.

Spike just stood there frozen to the floor staring at Sean's back as he hobbled away. "What the bloody hell was that?" He mumbled beneath his breath.

Shaking himself to try and get his bearings Spike headed into the living room behind Sean. "Let me get your meds, pet. I think maybe I should call Syd..." he grabs the blanket from the sofa draping it over his head.

Sean just nodded---his head tipped back on the couch, his legs stretched out straight in front of him. He didn't dare speak right now. He was afraid if he did someone else would speak through him again.

Kneeling down next to the sofa Spike took Sean's trembling hand and squeezed it. "Looked now I'll be right back---okay luv?"

"Okay." Sean murmured giving Spike's hand one small squeeze, then moved it back to his stomach.

Head shaking Spike stood making sure he had his keys and that the blanket was covering him good enough. At the front door he paused listening for any sound from the living room. With a sigh he pushed open the door and made a run for it.

Thankfully the trees surrounding the house gave some protection. As quickly as he could he retrieved his duffel, his cooler, and Sean's meds then fled back into the house trails of smoke following him.

Dropping the cooler and duffel in the hall---along with the smoking blanket---Spike headed for the kitchen poured a glass of milk and returned to the living room. "Hey, luv...you ready for some happy drugs?" He dropped on to the coffee table sitting the glass to the side as he pulled the bottles from the paper bag---reading each bottle carefully.

Sean opened his eyes and as casually as possible asked Spike. "So you've had a good life right? You weren't homeless at any point were you?"

"Me?" Spike raised a brow as he opened the Demerol bottle. "Been a bit of everything in my life...homeless I guess some would say. Lived in a crypt once." He shook out two tablets, then paused glancing at Sean's wide dark eyes. "Why you ask, pet?"

Sean shrugged. He'd be damned before he told Spike about his voice or what the voice says and how the voice apparently had a `close' relationship with a man named Will. It was too damn spooky for words.

"No reason. Figured conversation you know."

Holding out the Demerol in one hand and the glass of milk in the other Spike sighed. "Here now, luv. Take these. You know it's okay if you want to ask me things. Don't matter to me---ain't ashamed of my life, luv."

Taking the Demerol Sean slipped them into his mouth, then took a gulp of milk swallowing them. He sat the glass down glancing at Spike. "I have no problem asking you things Wil...Spike...Will." He sighed. "I have no problem trust me." He gazed around the room as he grew quiet again deciding this was not the way to progress with the day.

As if a reprieve from heaven the phone chose that moment to ring.

He stood wobbling over and picked it up. "Hello. Oh, hey...yeah...yeah. Yes, my hands are fine. Yes
`I'm' fine. Yes, oh yeah a last few touches then it's done. Pick it up tomorrow. No.no that's not a good idea tonight, Stella. I have a guest just come tomorrow. All right, all right bye."

Spike listened to the conversation with a faint looked of amusement dancing in his eyes. "Hey Sean...you want to work I could help you to your studio. Sides I'd love to get a looked at your work, mate." He stood thumbs hooked in his pockets. "What do you say?"

"Sure why not just follow my wobble." Sean replied as he started down the hall.

When he reached the door next to his bedroom he opened it and there were three steps rounded and smooth with age. Heading down the stairs he flips a switch at the bottom of the stairs. Instantly the room is awash with lights.

There are paintings, sketches, and pictures every- where---on the floor, on the wall, even on the ceiling. Despite the abundance of artwork the room was bare except for a chair, an easel and a table covered with paintbrushes, pencils, chalk, and a few towels. There was also a sink and a closet that probably held more supplies.

"Welcome to my home away from home."

Spike moved through the room his gaze moving over the paintings and sketches. There was a part of his soul that cried out and screamed his sire's name. This artistic hand belonged to no one other than the man who had loved him once. The dark angel that had pulled him into a world filled with such deadly beauty. Tears welled in his eyes as he trailed his hand over each picture, then he stopped in front of one painting and it took his breath away.

There was no doubt who these two men were--- Syd and Zach. It was done in blues and whites that gave the illusion of moonlight and shadows. Their bodies were entwined as if they'd just finished making love, their skin shimmering.

"Beautiful..." Spike whispered, "...sodding beautiful."

Sean slipped up behind him arms curling over Spike's tiny body---over his shoulders. He dragged his hand along the painting, but not quite touching it.

"I got the water effect by just going to the sink, getting a cup of water, then flicking it with my fingers over them from head to toe. The room is always dark so I just dimmed the lights and it gave me the moonlight effect. Now the entwining I had to fight for. They claim they don't cuddle like that. But I don't see why not. They fit each other so well. I couldn't imagine how they wouldn't just swallow each other whole from head to toe. I wanted it to seem like they never wanted to let go. Like they didn't have any other place they would rather be."

Sean leaned over bringing his mouth closer to Spike's ear. "See Syd and Zach's expressions?"

Shivering at the breath of air at his ear Spike bites his lower lip. "Yes..." he whispered as the image of Syd and Zach are replaced by an image of Angel and him. He sucked in a deep breath fighting the urge to snuggle into that warm body behind him.

"Sometimes people never truly know what they have until they lose it..." Spike's voice trailed off as he closed his eyes trying to convince himself that he wasn't in a dark, windowless studio, but in a clearing near an Austrian forest. That the man holding him was his lost lover not an artist with his lover's face. He began shivering as he remembered how the grass felt beneath his back as Angelus pinned him to the ground and licked at his damp throat. "...angel..." he moaned softly.

Sean hummed softly whispering without a second thought. "Yes?"

"...want you..." Spike whimpered leaning into the warmth behind him without pause, "...missed you, luv..." He sighed as the tears welled over his lashes and trailed down his face.

Sean leaned into Spike his mouth just skimming over Spike's hair. "I'm right here." Sean's hands moved away from the painting settling on Spike's shoulders---skimming and rubbing from his neck to his back. "Always right here."

"Are you...are you, sire?" Spike whispered leaning back finally into the broad chest.

"Where else would I be?" Sean replied as his arms shifted and he knocked over one of the paintbrush filled cups. Then world they both were living in came crashing down.

Sean coughed as his arms moved away casually. "So you like the painting then?"

Spike's eyes widened as he was brought back to reality by the crashing of the cup. "Yeah. You're talented, pet." His chin dropped to his chest as he tried to get a grip on the emotions that were surg- ing beneath his skin. For just a moment he could have sworn that he was in Angel's arms. "I suppose you'd like to be alone...I mean to work..." Spike mumbled.

Moving over to the painting in the center of the room that was covered Sean removed the sheet.

The painting was of a party to be more precise---a ball. There is an array of colors, the era clearly Victorian with the flowing dresses and the dis- tinguished tailored suits of the gentlemen. The room is brightly lit, but along the edges there's a creeping darkness that seeped in only in the corners.

He looked back to Spike. "You could stay, you could go, whatever you want. You could help me fetch stuff or just watch. I only have to clean it up a bit."

Spike walked around the easel glancing at the painting as Sean talked softly. He was listening, but he didn't hear the words as his hand lifts hover- ing over the canvas. Suddenly memories of a party much like this one begin to rise in his gut.

Memories he would rather forget.

"Sean..." he whispers.

"Yeah?" Sean answered as he takes off his tee-shirt replacing it with a nearby paint stained white sleeveless undershirt.

"When did you..." Spike's eyes locked onto the faces of the guests, "...decide to paint this? Did you see this place somewhere, luv?" He swallowed hard as his gaze focused on one face in particular.

Sean walked back to the painting studying it, then looked back to Spike. "It's taken me a month and a half. The initial sketches, the ones that started it, before I put it on canvas though---that took me three hours. I woke up one night after a dream and had to draw so I did. And this came out of it. Sometimes I'm just hit with visions of stuff and I draw. But no I never saw this anywhere but my dreams. Stella thinks I'm touched with some really artistic gift. The Gods give me visions.." Sean laughed. "I just think I have messed up dreams of pretty places, I wake up, and I remember them."

"Is that what you believe now, pet?" Spike's fingertips traced the hint of a banister hidden in the darkness and then the face---his face. "Or maybe it's visions of another life you led?" Clearing his throat his gaze drifted back to the young boy in question. A neat proper tan suit, a hint of shadow edging high cheekbones, a tousle of thick golden brown curls, and finally a glimpse of cobalt behind

silver rimmed glasses,

"Reincarnation then?" Sean whispers wistfully, then he glanced at the picture again. "Don't know don't really believe in it. Don't believe in much actually. I don't like religion---and that's any. I mean worship how you like and all, but there's something bigger that people couldn't explain and you couldn't label it with one god or belief. So I guess it's possible I just have no way of knowing. But if you're right whoever I was liked parties, and the dark. I must have been freaking boring."

Spike shook his head a soft chuckle escaping. "No, you're right...humans they always want to label things. Push them into tiny boxes. It's the way they deal, but you're right, peaches. Ain't no one bloody name that could describe what's out there." He turned looking into Sean's dark eyes---pools of molten darkness---and he feels himself beginning to fall.

"I'd like to see more, luv..." he whispers.

Sean smiled back nodding. "Okay,  just as always follow the wobble." He moved around the room to chest of drawers. He opens one and there are hun- dreds of sketches. "Here are sketches. My mom, my sister, Syd, Zach, Millie, Ralph and some faces from my dreams."

Spike shuffled through the sketches and when he sees the first of Darla he couldn't argue with himself anymore. She's dressed much as Spike imagines she was the night she sired Angelus. There were even the cobblestones beneath her dainty feet and the distant glow of a street lamp.

Darla was beautiful, but the sight of her made Spike's gut twist in a huge knot. He remembered how she had once tortured him when Angelus chose to be late coming back from the hunt. She knew---she'd always known that he was Angelus' childe. He shivered as he lifted the sheet and found beneath it another familiar face, Drusilla.

He snorted softly and shook his head. "To think I thought I loved you once..." he mumbled beneath his breath, "...was a fool twice over, too."

Sean's fingers appear splaying over the picture.

"She's beautiful, but troubled. I dream about her a lot. And someone else a man...actually more a boy he couldn't be older than twenty-four. But I could never see his face. Just hear his voice---so cultured and proper. He even stutters and seems embarrassed a lot. He's in the next twenty or so sketches. I got obsessed with trying to find his face."

Sean shrugged and moved away back to the painting. He picks up a paintbrush dipping it in the water, then blots it and starts to clean the painting up.

Gaze following Sean as he moves back to the easel. Spike continues flipping through the sketches with shaking hands. "This boy, luv..." he paused to study the first picture, "...how does he make you feel?"

"Feel?" Sean asked.

"Yes..." Spike traced the lines of the body he knows belonged to him once. "When you see him in your dreams...what do you feel, pet?"

Sean's paintbrush stopped moving and he seemed to be in deep thought. A few moments passed, then his hand lifts scratching the back of his neck and he starts to speak. "Calm, happy, passionate, mad sometimes, confused, proud, lots of things. But it's just dreams, Will. I wake up and it's just a dream. What I feel when I'm dreaming it's not real. I don't know half of what I draw. I mean it's beautiful, and like a fantasy. The girls, the boy, the ball, all the scenes I've done. They are all just fantasies in my mind."

"Fantasies..." Spike hummed thoughtfully, "...some times they're the only thing you have." He shook his head tucking away the images from Sean's dreams. "So what could I do for you, pet? I'd be a pain in the arse if all I did was set here and ask you bloody questions."

Sean grinned glancing up at Spike. He couldn't read  this boy's expression. He's actually having a hard time reading him at all, but he knows they're on a good track. He hasn't thought of the unthinkable thing since before he showered.

"You looked pathetic come here."

Spike snorted. "I'm feeling a bit on the sodding pathetic side." He moved to Sean's side inhaling. He could smell linseed oil, paints both oil and acrylic, and beneath it the scent of Sean so close to Angel's even down to the cool fresh scent of rain mixed with musk. "So what do you have that will make me less pathetic, peaches?"

"A lesson. Now here move in front of me like this." Sean replied as he slid Spike over and in front of him. "Now take this." Sean held out the paintbrush.

Stepping in front of Sean trying to focus on the canvas Spike takes a deep breath. "Like this?" Spike's hand curled over Sean's long graceful fingers.

"Uhh.hum now just don't tense. Relax your wrist and don't stress. Think of painting not as a chore, but as a relaxation. Now what we're going to do is just lightly go over the painting where they're bubbles or smudges of paint. We want it to be smooth, perfect. So just slide the brush over the parts you see that need fixing. I'll show you first." Sean moved his hand with Spike's over the painting slowly swishing as he fixes certain sections on the painting. The entire time making sure Spike has a hold on the paintbrush and he could feel the ease of it. "See?"

Spike nodded unable to speak at the moment. All he could think of are those slender, graceful, hands. His eyes flickered as he got lost in the feel of those hands and the images of what those hands could do to him. His body went loose and relaxed in Sean's arms as he allowed him to guide his hand. "Yes...I see..." he whispered in a choked voice.

Nodding in reply Sean keeps them working.

Minutes passed, then Sean moved the paintbrush away. "And wa-la you helped me finish the painting. Going to sue for the rights now?" He chuckled.

"No..." Spike sighed. "You're a bloody fan- fucking-tastic teacher." He turned and grinned at Sean. "So what would you like to eat? I'd love to make lunch for you and it's getting close to noon."

"Food.really cook me anything you like. I like sandwich's you know. You don't have to gourmet me. But if you want you could. I have food all over the place in the kitchen."

"Yeah...food..." Spike mumbled as a sudden image of Sean naked on the butcher block upstairs with strawberry glaze drizzled all over that sweet body.

"Strawberries...do you have any strawberries, pet?

"Yeah in the fridge." Sean's replied.

Smiling Spike headed upstairs. "I could whip up a mean shortcake, luv. You got whipped cream--- don't you now?" He paused glancing at Sean with sparkling cobalt eyes.

"What hot blooded American male wouldn't?" Sean eyeballed him seriously taking off his undershirt, then grabbing his tee-shirt.

Swallowing hard Spike looked away as he headed up into the kitchen. The image of Sean's smooth muscled chest was vibrant in his minds eye. He yelled over his shoulder. "Fajitas go good with shortcake!"

Sean followed behind "Spicy and sweet be still my heart."

Ignoring the last comment Spike began rooting through the fridge and the cabinets for ingredients.

"Spicy is good..." Spike mumbled as he dropped a flank steak on the counter along with limes, straw- berries, tomatoes, a head of lettuce, and a red onion. He found a chef's knife and a bowl of goodies on the butcher block. "Sweets are good, too." Locating the flour he filled the bowl, then began slicing the flank steak.

Sean sat on the edge of the table and began un- wrapping his bandages. "Definitely, flavors are very.very good."

Raising a brow as he seasoned the bowl of flour with pepper and salt. "Exactly what are you doing, luv?" He tossed the strips of flank steak into the bowl.

"I'm going to looked at my bruises. I am a boy you know. Bruises are like a sign of being tough and strong." He laughed, then growled playfully."

Rolling his eyes Spike wiped his hands on a towel, than walked over. "Lift your arms, luv. Let me help out here. Couldn't be having you hurting yourself, peaches. Your boy Syd will have my bloody balls in a vice if you do."

Sean lifted his arms above his head wincing. "If I didn't know better I would think all this is just a excuse so you could touch me."

Snorting Spike carefully unwrapped Sean's ribs. "Now why would I want to touch you, pet? I'm bloody well clear on the fact that you don't swing and that's enough for me." He flinched as his gaze settled on the bruises that had spread across Sean's ribs in a rainbow of blues, purples, and yellows. "Damn, luv." He sits the bandages aside. "I don't need to be guilting my bloody arse in a corner."

Sean looked sympathetically at Spike. "Hey, don't okay.I know you didn't mean it. And here's something to make you feel better. Pain pills kick ass and I don't even really hurt. So lube me up and re-bandage. By tomorrow I should be able to leave the bandage off."

"Lube?" Spike snorted and headed to the bathroom yelling over his shoulder. "You would know if I lubed you and it has nothing to do with bruised ribs!" He was chuckling to himself when he return- ed with the liniment.

"Okay, I'll pretend I have no idea what you just said meant. So your lover Angel, did he like your cooking?"

Gently rubbing the liniment into Sean's ribcage Spike shook his head. "He never ate much...was a liquid diet freak. Always acted like he didn't deserve to be pampered." Spike sat the liniment aside, then began re-wrapping Sean's ribs. "Angel deserved the world---just didn't bloody well realize it. He was a good man."

"Sounds like it. You always talk about him like he was the best thing next to cheetos and porn. But he seems like he had guilt. What happened with him? Was he like a druggie or a big asshole at one point?" Sean asked.

Spike turned away and took a deep breath as he washed his hands clean. "He wasn't perfect, but then not many of us bloody well are. He always felt like---I guess---that he'd done unforgivable things. But I'm telling you, pet---he never understood. He never understood how much good he did."

"Did you try to show him?"

Spike reached for the towel patting his hands dry. "Good question, peaches. I tried...at least I bloody well thought I did. Guess I didn't try hard enough now did I." Heading back to the food Spike focus- ed on flouring the strips of meat.

"I'm sure he knew and I'm sure he noticed. You don't seem to me the kind of guy that talks and no one listens. I don't even really know you. But when you talk I hang on every word. So I think he heard you just fine. Whatever happened to make him leave it wasn't you. I mean no way I could know for sure. But I don't see a down side to you yet so it had to be something else. You've been nothing but helpful and kind to me. You're a good man, Will." Sean whispers softly as he slips on his tee-shirt and pulls a seat out to watch Spike cook..

Chuckling Spike tossed the meat into an oil filled skillet and sitting it on the burner flicking it on. "You wouldn't say that if you really knew me." He turned back to the cutting board and began dicing tomatoes, peppers, and red onions. "I did things when I was younger that would have made your bloody hair stand on end without the poncy gel."

Sean laughed. "I don't use gel I use this really kind of sticky paste stuff that costs way more than hair care product should. And you make it seem like you were young ages ago. You have to be younger than me what twenty-two, twenty-three?"

Spike glanced up and smiled as he started mixing the vegetables together. "Let's just say that I'm older than I looked, pet. Plus I was a wild one when I was a teenager." Carrying the bowl to the stove he flipped the strips of sizzling meat, then tossed in the vegetables. "Caused my father quite a bit of trouble."

"Well you're still here and alive. So `Daddy' must not of got too mad at you." Sean replied as he leaned back in his chair lounging."

One of Spike's eyebrows rose in amusement. "I'm here...that I am, but that don't mean my bastard father didn't try, luv." Spike moved to the table as he pulled his tee-shirt from his jeans. "You see sometimes even the ones you love hurt you." He stepped close turning his back to Sean as he lifted his shirt to bare his lower back.

Spike's eyes shut as he remembered this one in all its Technicolor glory. Normally you wouldn't notice the scars they were so faint, but he remem- bered.

Angelus had been furious with him for killing someone that he'd had his eye on. Spike had screwed up his plan and the next thing he'd known he was chained to the wall face first, naked from the waist up, and Angelus was cutting him. Not just cutting him with a knife, but with a knife dripping in holy water. The cuts had been deep into the muscle and it had taken two weeks for them to heal enough so he could wear a shirt.

Sean's breath caught as he saw the faint, pale scars. If Sean wasn't right there looking at them this close he wouldn't have even see them. His hand moved out---he couldn't have stopped it if he'd wanted---tracing over them. "Jesus, Will was your dad a freaking monster? What did he do?"

Chuckling softly Spike lifted his eyes gazing at the ceiling. "Could say that, pet. Took a knife to my back." He sighed at the warm touch of Sean's fingers on the scars.

"Jesus, god, Christ." Sean mumbled as he fingered each one. "And I thought my da was a bastard. I'm so sorry."

"No need..." Spike pulled away tugging his shirt down, "...it's been a long time and I've learned to live with it."

Sean nodded with a harsh swallow. For some reason he felt really, 'really' shitty about those cuts. He felt almost sick and the sickness felt justified and he couldn't tell himself why. His head jerked and he grabbed it to steady himself, then suddenly he's hearing voices from another time and place again.

<Ye know why ye did it don't ye? Nay, well let me tell ye, ye were jealous thought I was getting me another boy. I musta spent one to many days stalking him, because clearly ye got yerself all in a tissy. Well, I won't be having it William. YE ARE MINE!! Not the other way `round. Ye will not be goin' out and killing my victims because ye are jealous of what I am stalking them fer boy. DO YE UNDERSTAND! NAY? Well, let me remind ye.>

Sean clasped his hands around his head as he started to hear the screaming---loud, guttural, almost animalistic screaming. He stood and the chair crashes to the side.

As the chair hit the floor Spike turns a looked of horror in his eyes. "Bloody hell..." he hissed---what had he done? "Sean! Man what is it, luv?" He's across the room far quicker than he ever thought possible.

Sean kicked the chair backing up into the wall begging for it to stop. He started repeating the same words softly. "Get out, get out, not me, not me, I wouldn't, I couldn't, please not me, not me...shut up, shut up."

"Sean!" Spike grabbed Sean's trembling shoulders and shook him. "You're going to hurt yourself..." Spike ran his hands up and through Sean's hair stroking and whispering. "It okay, peaches... nothing here to hurt you. I promise...swear it, pet."

Sean's eyes were wild and unfocused as he tried to back away from Spike, get away from him, get away from the voices. He whimpered and struggl- ed banging his head back against the wall.

"Shit, luv! Don't be doing that." Spike doesn't want to hurt him, but his grip tightens. Yanking Sean away from the wall he twisted him around trying to be careful of his damaged ankle. He pushed him back into one of the chairs as he moved in close he could smell blood. Growling low in his throat he grabbed Sean's  face forcing him to look at him.

"Dammit! Looked at me Sean Patrick Donahue!!" He roared.

Sean's eyes came back into focus but the looked he gave Spike was devastated and lost he looked way younger than his years. Brokenly he choked out a string of words. "The devil's in my head Will, he's in my head and he sounds just like me. Why does the devil sound like me? I'm not the devil am I?"

He shook his head, but that only made him queasy and dizzy. His voice lowered almost to a whisper. "Not the devil, not, not, not the devil." He reached up to wipe the tears away and as he did his eyes rolled back in his head. The moment had been too much. He went limp in Spike's arms passing out.

"Sean...bloody hell..." Spike growled beneath his breath. Pulling Sean into his arms Spike moved to the bedroom laying Sean on the bed gently.

Looking around he spotted the phone---a black address book next to it. Flipping it open he found Sydney's number and dialed it---his gaze locked on Sean's pale face.

"Shit..." Spike rushed back into the kitchen and turned off the burner as he listened to the phone ringing on the other end.

He ran back to Sean's room  and sucked in a deep unneeded breath. "Come on Syd...come on..."

"Hello, Dr. Sydney Pilgrim how may I help you?"

"Sydney its Spike...Will...oh bloody fuck all!" Spike ran his fingers through his hair. "Something happened to Sean...he needs you, mate. I don't know what's wrong...he went a bit nutters and then he passed out."

Sydney froze, then seconds later he got to his feet grabbing his coat and bag. "I'll be there in five minutes." Sydney ran out telling his nurses he had an emergency call.

***

Exactly five minutes later Syd jumped out of his car barely remembering to shut it off and ran into Sean's house. His image was in disarray. "Where is he?"

Spike headed back into Sean's room. "Back here Syd. He was fine I was cooking lunch and we were talking---just bloody well talking. Suddenly he started screaming and backed up in the corner. He was mumbling about the devil being in his head."

Stepping back he let Syd through the door. "He passed out in my sodding arms. I think he busted his head open again. He was banging it against the wall."

"JESUS CHRIST, SPIKE!!" Sydney screamed, then took a deep breath to calm down. "Sorry, sorry...it's just this isn't...he's not acting like my friend." He rushed over gently lifting Sean's head careful not to budge or hurt him. As he checked Sean over he spoke softly. "What set him off?"

Spike's shoulders slumped as he sank onto the foot of the bed. "We were just talking...I swear, luv."

Sydney seemed to take that answer as good enough because he nodded as he checked the back of his friends head. He whispered to him. "Sean you stupid, stupid man. Why couldn't I ever leave you alone for one second, huh? I go on a medical trip with father---I come back and you've quit football because it's boring. That spoiled your `college made easy' chances. I go away for my grand- mother's funeral---I come back and you're screwing Stella. You had to go love her she's my best friend, but she cares more about the paychecks you bring her then you. And now I'm at work and you get hit by a car. If I couldn't let you leave home I swear it Sean Patrick Donahue I will lock your beautiful ass in this house forever."

A lone tear escapes and Sydney lowers Sean's head after lightly bandaging it and he leans over kissing Sean softly on the lips. "There.now. No more demons for you. Sleep, dream sweet dreams my prince. Dream of pretty things, beautiful things, things that unfortunately do not include me."

He carefully lifts his eyelids checking his pupils and once satisfied he moved off the bed. He does a three-sixty stopping to feed the fish, then came back grabbing his bag signaling Spike to follow.

***

Sydney walked down into Sean's art studio and Spike glanced back at Sean before turning back to follow Syd down into the studio. Pulling a cigarette from the crushed pack in his tee-shirt pocket. He lights it up as he sniffs the air and he could taste the grief, the sorrow, and the desire on his tongue.

"You love him." Spike whispered softly as he inhaled. "How long, pet?"

Turning to Syd smiled a smile that spoke volumes, but he answered as he turned back to look at the portrait of him and Zach. "Since I laid my eyes on him.since I laid my eyes on him Spike." He reached out his fingers tracing along his naked body and laughed softly. "I wasn't embarrassed at all when he asked me to do this. I jumped right in. Didn't matter about my standing, my name---none of it. But then he could make me do anything with that voice and those eyes. I loved him that much. Even that statement  `I WOULD DO ANYTHING' seems small in comparison. I went so far one night---long before Zach---as to go to Stella's place in a drunken state. I begged and pleaded for her to describe a night---just one it was all I needed. A night with Sean. She took pity on me or maybe not---maybe she didn't care enough. And she told me. I wish I  would have never asked her." Sydney turned back looking at Spike. "Never obtain know- ledge of something you will never experience."

Spike shook his head and smiled sadly. "Know what you mean...I do, pet." He inhaled deeply staring at the ceiling. "Told Sean about my lover...long time ago...I fought so hard to bring him to me. I did everything you could imagine and more." He exhaled and stared at the ceiling. "Just when I thought I'd gotten everything I wanted I lost it. And I've spent far to many bloody years searching and pining for that one person." He turned as he exhaled his gaze settling on Sydney's sad face. "Does he know? Cause if he don't...well you need to tell him, pet."

Nodding with a bitter smile Syd chuckled. "He knows.he was the first person `to' know." He sat down on a stool and looked up at a picture of Sean, his sister, and mother. "I was thirteen, but I'd known I was gay---God for as long as I could remember. Maybe I was born this way who knows those things. But it was on a camping trip. Yeah odd camping when we live in a forest---anyway most of us---but camping. Sean and I were laying on the beach after a swim. His skin..." Syd's hand moved as if it were gliding along something and trying to recall the memory perfectly not  get anything wrong.

"It glowed with droplets of water. He was already out of puberty and he was just." He sighed and whispered. "A god...he was a god. He had looked at me and said something funny. His pearly whites lit up the sky better than any star, or the moon. I swear if the sun had risen his smile would have been brighter than that. And his eyes god those eyes they just radiated with a power, a power like no man could have. And I just couldn't stop myself I leaned over and I kissed him---right.on.the mouth."

Spike knew in his gut how Syd felt. There was no doubt in his mind now that Sean was somehow--- some way---Angel. He knew that power that Angel held over people with those dark eyes. Even before he had been cursed he had power in his eyes, but after---with the soul it was stronger. "What happened, Syd?"

Syd grew quiet for a moment, then he looked up at Spike his expression sad, but his voice happy. "I don't know---well I do---but I could never explain it. For some reason he gave in to me. He stayed very still for a second didn't flinch and his eyes didn't go wide in shock, then he kissed me back and waited til I let it go. When I did he smiled poked me in the stomach and said; `Knew you would either tell me first or show me.' Then we were both very quiet. He was the first to speak when the quiet was finally disturbed. It was for the best though. He had told me that he loved me as a friend loves a friend. He cared for me very deeply and that he would support me whatever I did. But that he could not `love' me as I wanted to be loved by him. Then he said---this is the weird part he said that kind of love could only be found once and once only."

Sliding off the stool Syd picked up his bag walking up to Spike and he stroked down his face gently.

"He said it as if it had happened to him and he had lost it. You have a very beautiful face Spike, do you think it's funny that after all this time the answer to his faceless sketch would come to him?"

Syd kissed Spike's cheek then walked to the door calling behind him. "I don't.but when he finds out that should be interesting. Do take care of him. He did never really belong here---not alone at least." And with that Sydney left Spike alone.

***

Staring into space Spike dropped the cigarette on the floor grinding it out with his boot heel. It made his gut ache that this man loved Sean so much, but what Syd had said washed the final doubts away.

Even then Sean had known somehow.

He moved out of the studio and back to the bed- room where Sean lay deathly still in the bed. Kick- ing off his boots he finally did what he'd wanted to last night and crawled into the huge bed. Gently he pulled Sean into his arms careful of the new bandage and began whispering softly.

"He knows we belong together, luv. Now if you'll only remember. This is got to be some twisted prank that the Senior Partners pulled. They took you here I guess...maybe messed about with the memories of these people..."

Sean's fingers twitched and moved, his arms tightening and loosening, then his eyes shifted under their lids, but he doesn't wake---not yet.

"Hush now, luv. Syd fixed you up." Spike gently stroked his fingers through Sean's hair. "Rest...it's okay..." he settled into the pillows his eyes drifting shut, "...I'm here, sire."

"Will..." Sean whispered as his eyes stop moving his arms relax, but his hold is still in place as he falls deeper into sleep.

***

Sean's groggily opened his eyes when the birds began chirping outside. There was something different---a difference in his bed a sleep warmed body. He unconsciously squeezed and burrowed into the body, and then his eyes opened going wider his brown ones met the blue of his care- taker's eyes.

"Good morning."

"Morning, peaches." Spike smiled as his fingers traced up and down Sean's spine. "How you feeling?"

Sean gulped a tiny bit, but he didn't budge even with the talking, the rubbing, and his arms were still totally clinging to Spike. "Uhmmm well see I'm just now trying to figure that out." He pointed to himself, then to Spike. "We.uhmmm. We...we ...uhmmm. I didn't like...you didn't...I...fuck."

One dark brow shot up as Spike smirked.  "Didn't what, pet?"

Sean looked miserable as he muttered. "I'm the victim here...again." But he looked back into Spike's eyes taking a deep breath and slowly said. "I didn't like go nuts and we didn't like do the naughty around my home did we?"

Spike couldn't hold back any longer and his head fell forward with a choked sob. The sob turned almost instantaneously in to a belly laugh. Spike gasped for air and looked up with tears of laughter streaking his face.

"It's okay, peaches. No naughtiness last night. You sort of passed out in the kitchen. I called Syd and he told me not to leave you alone so I slept here last night."

"OH!!" Sean answered stupidly, then he started to laugh as well as he slid his arms away from Spike's body. Glancing at the clock he sees it's one p.m. "Stella is going to be there in a half hour. God what did I do last night to pass out and need Syd to come." Sean's gaze snapped back to Spike. "SHIT SYD! Is he okay? Did he freak? Oh, god I probably freaked him out. He didn't threaten to lock me in here did he? Because if he did I am so damn dead."

Spike shook his head. "Don't know exactly...you had a bit of a episode. Apparently broke open the wound on the back of your hard head." Spike ran his fingers along the gauze. "He freaked for thirty seconds, but he was fine when he left. I believe there was some mention of locking your arse inside, but I'm sure he was just upset, peaches."

"I am so dead." Sean whined laying his head in his hands, then felt the bandage. "God, do I like need to be hit again so I'm better or will this fade away in time?"

Spike snorted as he rolled from the bed. "No more hitting your noggin. One more time and I'll be bloody well renaming you Humpty-Dumpty Donahue." He walked around to the other side of the bed and smiled. "Come on now, luv. Let's get you up and going so you'll be smelling all pretty for your lady Stella." He held out one hand his brow crinkling.

Sean snorted and took Spike's hands. "Lesson one laddie---Stella is no one's lady. Lesson two--- Stella is definitely not *my* lady. Stella and I have agreement that suits me just fine."

"No doubt there..." Spike mumbled. "You need help, pet? If not I'll go salvage our food from yesterday, but first I'm taking a shower."

Sean stood up straight and stretched his arms above his head. "No, I'm good I think go ahead and shower. I'm going to head to my big fancy shower, too. Get this bandage off my head I looked like a war hero."

Spike caught himself growling. "War hero would know better than to be pushing his bloody arse. Don't recall the doc saying anything about removing the bandage when you sodding feel like it, pet."

Sean chuckled and started to wobble out of his room. "Ohhh...made the boy growly. But the doc loves me and spoils me terribly so it goes. What you going to do anyway make me?" He chuckled again as he opened the bathroom door and went in shutting it behind him.

Snarling his eyes flashing gold for a second Spike stormed to the bathroom. "I'll show you who's in charge you snot nosed welp!" Shoving the door open Spike stormed into the bathroom and froze. "Bloody hell..." he groaned.

Sean---shirt already removed---had peeled down his pants and was at the moment bent over remov- ing them trying to be careful of his ankle. He ignored Spike knowing he'd opened the door. Finally getting his pants off he tossed them on the counter. He turned and without any embarassment smiled. "So come to spank me or stare?"

Leaning against the door frame Spike's gaze moved over Sean's body with---a leer on his face. "Well I could do either, luv. You could chose though I'd prefer to spank your disobedient arse."

Sean chuckled. "I like you." He opened the glass shower door and turned on the waterfall head the water cascading out. He wobbled in, but left his plastic wrapped ankle out so it didn't soak. "If you're planning on me being embarrassed though, you're going to have to try harder. I've been the best friend of a gay man all my life. I had a really open minded family who had no issue with any- thing much."

"Not trying to embarrass you, luv." Spike snorted as he walked to the toilet. Dropping the lid he sat down. "If I was trying to I'd strip and join you." He chuckled softly.

Sean snorted back. "Like to see you try."

Standing Spike stripped off his tee-shirt and then his jeans dropped. Walking to the shower he opened the door and stepped inside. "Hey, pass the soap, peaches."

Sean's eyes popped open and his mouth dropped open. After a minute of just staring at Spike Sean grabbed the soap and handed it to him.

"Thanks, mate." Spike winked, then squirted out some soap and began lathering up.

Sean swallowed, nodded, and began to wash as fast as possible without making it seem like he was try- ing, too. He was being as careful as possible not to look down 'again'. That was bad, Sean thought, yep really bad.

Spike happily hummed a Ramones' tune as he lathered, rinsed, and repeated. The entire time he watched from beneath his lashes. Sean looked as if he were ready to jump out of his skin by the time Spike does his final rinse.

Turning off the water Sean reached out grabbing two bath towels handing Spike one quick, then he wobbled out. He wrapped the towel around his waist and ran a hand over his face. "Well, that was interesting."

"So, mate..." Spike raised a brow, "...shall we make that a daily occurrence? Couldn't have you slipping and falling in the shower." Tossing the towel over his head making sure Sean had a nice view he headed for his room. "Got to go get dressed now be back in a bit, luv."

"Okay." Sean wheezed as he slumped to the counter once Spike was gone. God.oh god, Sean thought, I just thought a guy was...no...no I didn't I couldn't I couldn't...oh, god. He rushed out and to his room changing into a pair of loose jeans and a ribbed black tank. He sat on the bed because frankly he was afraid to go out and run into Spike.

Spike, Spike, and Spike....god what was happening to him? He looked up at the mirror and sighed deeply. He had to get out of this house, but he knew he couldn't. A few minutes passed and the doorbell rang.

Getting off his bed Sean slowly wobbled to the door opening it. Outside was a long legged, thin, perky woman with hair down to the middle of her back and when their eyes met she jumped into Sean's arms.

"Oh pookie, sweetie darling let me looked at you."

She grabbed his hands looking them over. Kissing them she started to rub them along her cheek. "Oh thank god."

Sean sighed rolling his eyes. "Nice to see you to Stella."

Still rubbing his hair roughly with the towel Spike wandered into the living room dressed in a pair of tight well worn jeans and a dark red tee-shirt. He stopped in his tracks and his eyes narrowed when he saw what had to be Stella.

"Sean, luv, what would you like for lunch?"

Looking up Sean smiled. "Whatever you want to whip up for me and I promise this time I will stay sane enough to eat it." Glancing back to Stella he introduced the other man. "I want you to meet my caretaker---this is Spike."

Stella moved around Sean on her lengthy legs giving Spike the once, and then the twice over until her eyes settled on his face. She smiled sweetly or rather as sweet as she could---her hand moving back to stroke Sean's arm.

"Hello `Spike' thank you so much for taking care of Sean, he's ever so precious."

"Yep, Sean's definitely precious one of a kind, pet." Spike grinned. "I found out how unique he was last night. Nice to meet you , luv."

Spike turned and headed into the kitchen. "We'll do those fajitas, peaches!" He yelled over his shoulder.

Laughing Sean yelled back. "Sounds good."

"Peaches?" Stella arched one perfect brow.

Sean shrugged. "I don't know he likes to call me that. I asked but I didn't get much by way of explanation. It doesn't bother me so it's fine."

Stella nodded moving closer to Sean caressing his jaw. "Well, he's very `pretty'. Is he.?"

"Gay? No, he's bi-sexual and you're coming to the point right?"

"No, there's no point Seanie.just that he seemed very keen on you. Peaches and everything. So where's my kiss?" Stella uttered softly.

"Kiss? Since when do you want kisses in my living room?" Sean questioned.

Stella sighed. "Do I get one or not?"

"Fine come here." Sean groaned. Pulling Stella to him he kissed her softly.

Stella pulled back with a predatory grin. "That's my boy."

"Hey, you're not my girl.so I'm not your boy."

Stella waved a hand dismissivly.

"Details.details. Syd called me last night and said your `boy' was taking `very' good care of you. Syd seems to like him.never a good sign."

"Ain't his bloody boy, pet." Spike peered around the kitchen door. "You want spicy or mild salsa---
`PEACHES'?"

"Spicy all the way.remember, Will? Spicy or sweet couldn't go wrong." Sean called back.

Spike grinned blowing Sean a kiss. "Silly me, luv. After last night I should know you love `REAL' spicy." He pinned Stella with a narrowed gaze and smirked. "'VERY' spicy..." then he ducked back into the kitchen.

Stella arched her other brow. "Will? I thought his name was Spike? And is he `trying' to make me ruffle?"

Sean chuckled, then shrugged. "You two are the cats---not me---you tell me. And his real name is William I call him, Will. Now you came here for the painting so come on."

"I am not catty, Seanie. I just don't instantly trust every person I come in contact with." Her heels clicked loudly as she came closer. She leaned over whispering softly in Sean's ear. "I mean he `ran' you over with a car. And now he's a guest in
`your' home taking care of you. How do you know he isn't a `stalker' who's seen your paintings and now wants to do a `Misery type' deal on you Seanie?"

Sean rolled his eyes opening his studio door  and wobbled down the steps slowly. "Only you Stella-- -only you. He's had two days to try something and he's been nothing but helpful. What stalker would ---after he runs me over---take me straight to my
`best' friend to patch me up. Not to mention let it be known he would be staying at my `home'---so my best friend could hear?"

Stella huffed, sitting on the stool, and crossed her legs. "I'm just saying you should be more careful, tricksters and cons can do their jobs well."

"Well, then you know all about that---don't you?" Sean replied as he removed the sheet from the painting.

Outside the studio---leaning against the wall--- Spike listened to the conversation, a smirk curling his lips. He couldn't really blame Stella for worrying about her prize hog, but he didn't like her one bit. After talking to Syd last night he knew about 'MS.' Stella and her motives weren't exactly pure when it came to Sean. He knew what she was about he'd met far to many people like Stella in his long life.

"I find that offensive I have been nothing but truthful with yo.Oooh, my GOD SEAN! This is going to go for a mint." Stella squealed when she saw the painting.

Sean crossed his arms. "Yeah, you have.I take it you like?"

Stella stood moving closer her fingers trailing along the canvas, but not quite touching it.

"It's.it's one of the best, Seanie---I swear it. You're so `talented'."

"I know or so you tell me every time. So you're taking it? It's good enough to be in a show?"

"OF COURSE IT IS SILLY COME HERE!!" Stella chided as she hopped in Sean's arms.

Almost losing his footing Sean caught himself on the nearby wall glaring at Stella. "Broken ankle here, Stella---not to mention a concussion."

Stella cooed scattering kisses all over Sean's face, then whispered in his ear. "Want you so much could we just.maybe please?"

Spike snorted as he grabbed a smoke from his pocket and lit up. "Stupid bint..." he grumbled, then inhaled stepping into the door way. "Sean she taking the painting, trying to molest you, or maybe send you to the hospital? Suggest you get those catty heels back on the floor, luv." He exhaled a cloud of smoke, then raised a brow. "No, insult meant...Stella..."

Raising a brow to Sean nodded at Stella and she slid off him slowly. When she landed her spine straightened and she forced out a tiny laugh. "No, insult taken, Spike. I just got carried away I miss my Seanie so much."

Sean straightened trying very hard not to react to that comment.

Frowning Stella walked back to the painting and picked up her portfolio---opening it---and slid Sean's painting carefully in it. When the painting was secure she returned to business.

"As always I will call you when it is sold. You will get the customary eighty percent and I receive twenty. Is there anything more you want me to take?"

Sean shook his head. "Not a thing and that's fine."

Walks up to Sean she ran her fingers through his hair kissing him softly. "Then I'll leave you to eat- --get well. See you later, Seanie."

"See you later, Stella."

Stella moved past Spike with a glare. "Goodbye
`William'." Then she was gone---her heels echoing as she went.

Snorting Spike glanced back to Sean. "How can you stand her, pet." He shook his head then headed up the stairs. "You're just a meal ticket for her. Lunch is ready, peaches." He disappeared up the steps and headed back to the kitchen.

"You would be amazed what I can take. Mostly I can hack her because I remember her young--- when she didn't care about money or sex---she was just me and Syd's friend." Sean followed behind Spike slowly. "Lately though it's been grating, but Syd would be upset so I've been trying to deal."

Glancing over his shoulder Spike raised his brow as he steps into the kitchen. "Why would Syd be upset, luv?" He curiously asked.

"One because the three of us are friends and two because Stella is my `one and only' personal constant. I never had a girlfriend or anything---just stops along the way. He thinks I have issues with commitment and love. Says I live more freely in my dream world then my real one. So if I broke it off with Stella he would call it a dramatic decline."

Heading to the counter Spike snubbed out his smoke in the sink, then tossed it in the trash.

"Depends on why you'd break it off..." he picked up the platter of fajitas in one hand and the salad bowl in the other, "...sometimes the dream world holds more truth than the real world, peaches."

"That's the second time you made that sort of comment. Live in a dream world do you?"

Spike turned balancing the platter and bowl, then wandered over to the table setting them down. "No...more a bloody nightmare..." he headed to the fridge pulling out a bottle of salsa, salad dressing, and a two liter of cola. "I'd say have a drink, but not a chance in hell with the pain killers you're taking, pet."

"Didn't take them yet today and looked---no bandage." Sean lifted his shirt showing flesh that was now only yellowish where it had been purple and black. "So if you want to drink we could drink just you and me. Maybe I could chase your night- mare away."

"You need to take your meds, luv. Like Syd said you ain't bloody indestructible." Spike dropped his gaze as he sat the rest of the food down. "Don't want you in pain just so I can have a cold one. That'd be selfish of me---now wouldn't it?"

"I'm not in pain `Daddy' and I'm telling you I want to do this so let me---okay? I'm not saying I'm indestructible, but I feel fine today. No bandage means no chest pain. This is the first day since you decided to get your fifty points for human male that I've felt like me. So let's eat and then you're going to drink with me---no arguments and no guilt---okay, Will?"

Rolling his eyes Spike snorted, then turned back to the fridge---a small smile teasing his lips. "Okay, peaches. You win again. Two cold ones coming up." He pulled two beers out and turned back to the table. "Have a seat, luv. Want to eat up get your strength back." He flopped in the chair---in a sprawl---winking at Sean. "Never know when you'll need it."

Sean reached for his beer as he sat. "Well, since my last chance for nookie just walked out the door ---seemingly none too happy at me---lets just say unless you plan to chase me around my house with butcher knives I shouldn't get too tired tonight. Now food me up."

With a shake of his head Spike slid a couple of the fajitas onto Sean's plate along with some salad. Grinning he passed the plate along to Sean.

"Wasn't planning on stalking you, luv. Well, at least not unless you bloody well want me, too."

Sean took a bite of his fajita, then he chuckled. "Not sure never had a stalker wouldn't know what to do with one."

Spike returned Sean's laughter in full.

***

For the next half hour they sat eating and talking like old friends. When they were done they both cleaned up---Spike insisting Sean set down, Sean insisting Spike can it and let him help. Once they were done they grabbed two six packs and headed to the living room, but Sean stopped in the hall.

"I told you I would sketch you---want to do that now?"

"Now? You sure you up to it, peaches. Don't want to be pushing you to hard."

"Oh, god are you my mom? Forget dad I'm think- ing mom. Yes, Will.I'm fine, perfect, wonderful, happy, fit as a freaking fiddle. I could jump build- ings and save helpless people. So unless you're getting cold feet lets do this."

"Cold feet, pet?" Spike snorted. "Why would I have sodding cold feet?"

"Well, people get weird when it comes down to the actual posing. They get antsy and sometimes back out. So yeah.cold feet." Sean opened the studio door heading slowly down the steps turning on the low lighting.

Spike stepped down into the studio and took a deep breath. He'd posed for Angel on a few occasions, but he wasn't sure what Sean would want to do.

"So, pet? Where you want me and how naked do I get?" He grinned wide.

Without pause Sean opened a beer and sat up a blank canvas. "Wherever you want.however you want. If you want to be against the wall and clothed that's fine, if you want to be naked on a blanket on the floor go for it. Whatever you're comfortable with. I'll be right back. Have to grab a paint shirt.put my other in the wash." Sean leaves to go change.

Stripping off his clothes Spike stretched popping his back and looked around. He located a blanket neatly folded in a corner and he spread it out on the floor. Behind him he could hear Sean coming and he dropped to the blanket. He folded one arm under his head and pulled one knee up his gaze turning to the ceiling as he heard Sean come down the steps. He let his eyes drift shut and he smiled.

Sean went still as he took a deep breath. He slipped his undershirt on slowly hoping that when it was pulled over his eyes the effect of the sight before him would fade. Once the shirt is pulled down Sean has to take another deep breath. He walked forward whispering softly. "God, you really are perfect. Has anyone ever told you that you're perfect?"

Spike opened one eye and smiled. "Once upon a time in a land far away, luv."

"Well, you are perfect---I just said it in this day and this age. Now just stay like that it's perfect, but considering your lover was an artist I don't know why I was surprised that you would do the  perfect pose. Now.no laughing, not much talking and no moving.god, please no moving. Pretend you're dead if need be."

"No problem, peaches. Angel was the last one to sketch me...the only one actually." He closed his eye and relaxed careful not to move. "He was the only one I would have ever done this for..." he whispers.

Picking up his charcoal Sean smiled. "Well, that makes me feel special---thank you." Focusing on Spike with his artist's eye his fingers started to move.

***

A half hour passed and Sean was totally engrossed.

When he'd told Spike he was perfect that didn't even cover it. His body was an angular, curved masterpiece with skin that was pale, glossy, silky perfection. Spike's eyelashes long almost female but still male enough not to confuse. A scar on his left eyebrow alone attested to his manliness.

Spike wasn't the tallest of guys, but his legs were still strong, and feline. Everything about Spike was feline. Even when he moved, Sean thought, he was like a giant human cat. His platinum hair---though clearly not his natural color---still didn't offend. It actually matched everything from head to toe.

Now,  though Sean wanted something to complete that package---he wanted one of Spike's most striking features.

"Spike open your eyes just a bit---just peer at me -- --could you put one of your hands on your tummy and stretch your other above your head a bit?"

Turning his head towards Sean's voice Spike opened his eyes slowly. He lifted one hand and began caressing his stomach gently. He could feel the ache between his thighs and he prayed that he wouldn't get hard in front of Sean. The last thing he needed to do was scare Sean away. The corner of his mouth quirked.

"Anything for you, peaches."

Sean smiled at that really he couldn't help it and he started to draw again. "Like the sound of that--- anything for me. Almost believe it, too." His fingers started moving again, drawing with as much speed as a human could muster.

Sean's eyes flicked back and forth and when they finally lowered, to the one place most men would be squidgy about, Sean just arched a brow humorously and replied.

"Well, almost the same so I guess no pissing contests anytime soon."

Spike's scarred brow rose in amusement. "Were we planning on one sometime bloody soon, pet?" His grin widened.

"I'm a man Spike. Men have pissing contests when it comes to their cocks. Who's better, who's wider, who's longer---it's a thing." Sean laughed his hand lifted and he scratched his nose, leaving a smudge charcoal.

Chuckling Spike shifted just enough to make himself more comfortable. "Never found the need for pissing contests. I am what I bloody am, peaches."

"Confident that's good."

The room grew silent, but a comfortable silence as Sean began sketching again.

***

Another half hour passed in that comfortable silence then Sean clapped.

"Ah-ha. Okay, now I paint. You could looked--- come on give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down."

Slowly Spike rose to his feet,  moving to where his clothes were he retrieved a smoke and lit up as he stretched. Turning he strolled back to Sean not in the least bit shy about his lack of clothing. Inhaling he smiled as his gaze lowered to the canvas. "Is that me now, pet?"

"Well, from my eyes at least yeah? Why is it bad?"

"No..." Spike shook his head as he took another drag. "I think it's to good, peaches. I just don't see that when I looked in the mirror..." he whispered.

"Well.not a cartoonist, Will. So that's you from head to toe. Now wait till I get some color on this and then you could tell me if I'm over exaggerat- ing. Right now if I showed this people would get the body view only. They really need the colors to get the full effect. It would be a sin to like not let the world see your blues. People would kill for those eyes of yours."

"My blues? Never gave it much thought." He exhaled a soft cloud of smoke. "You need me back posing, luv?"

"Nope it's all in my head. Been staring at you for the last couple of hours I think I know what shade your skin is and what color your eyes are. Now let me just see to making it."

Sean started moving around the room---taking out paints, mixing and blending, trying for specific colors and shades. He grabbed a handful of brushes stuffing them in his pocket. Picking up the pallet he moved to Spike's side and studied his eyes. Glancing down his blended blue he made a dis- satisfied sound grabbing Spike's arm, and then went back to blending. This time while staring intently at Spike's eyes.

He looked down at the pallet and murmured. "That's a bit better."

Spike watched Sean with sparkling eyes as he blended and smoothed the colors. He couldn't help but to admire the talent in those hands---so large, yet so graceful. He remembered those hands touching him, but it really hadn't been those hands had it, he thought.

Finally Sean completed the blending of each color and smiled up at Spike. For just a moment he let his brogue slip just for fun. "There now just ta make ye come alive in yer paintin'."

He moved over to the easel selecting a brush from his pocket and dipped it into the blended skin toned paint. Carefully he began spreading the paint with even sure strokes of the brush.

Spike smiled at Sean's choice of words. He wished it were that simple, but it's not. "You have talent, pet." He finds himself mesmerized by the rhythmic stroking of Sean's brush. "Couldn't believe for a moment that you think I'm beautiful---never bloody well could." He whispered.

"Ye were always beautiful dinna pick ugly things ta surround me---now did I?" Sean replied his mind intent on the painting, but his voice was--- again---not his own.

Head jerking up Spike backed up a step and studied Sean with narrowed eyes. "Angel?" He whispered beneath his breath.

He lifted his hand and started to reach out, but at the last moment he stopped himself. Gaze falling to the floor a single tear rolled down his face as he headed across the room. He put out his smoke and grabbed his jeans---yanking them on. He didn't know what to say or what to do.

Sean's head snapped up his eyes focusing on Spike. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Spike cleared his throat as he buttoned his jeans. "Just thought I should at least put my pants back on, pe...Sean." He swiped at his face before he turned with a wide grin. "Don't want to be tempting you away from your work."

Sean chuckled as he took another sip of his beer. He'd gone through about three in the past couple of hours. "Tempting." He whispered in such a way that it was almost sensual, then he spoke again. "Tempting." This time it was normal.

He went back to painting the body filled in he started the hair. Finally he focused on the eyes the last step and for him the most important. Behind him Spike grabbed a beer popping the tab and chugging it down. For just one moment he could have sworn that Sean wanted---never mind, he thought to himself.

Grabbing a second beer Spike chugged it, then lit another smoke. "Do you believe in past lives?" The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop himself.

"Guess it could happen.I suppose. But really how do you prove it?" Sean questioned as he dabbed the brush carefully at the canvas finishing the eyes.

"I could prove it...I believe I could, pet." Spike moved back to Sean's side his gaze moving over the canvas. "What if I told you..." he paused, then finished off his beer, "...never mind..."

Sean straightened the brush still in hand as he looked at Spike. "Tell me.come on you started this conversation don't chicken out."

A soft snort escaped Spike as he exhaled and reached down grabbing another beer. "Fine...what if I bloody well told you that I knew you in another life?"

"Me?" Sean chuckled, then for a reason unknown to even him he dabbed the paintbrush along Spike's nose. "Really now?"

"Hey!" Spike reached out running his fingers over the pallet coating his fingers with blue. "You need a matching mark, luv." He smeared a blue streak down Sean's nose.

Sean gave Spike an indignant looked, then stroked the brush several times over Spike's face. "Take that fiend!"

"Fiend?!" Spike grabbed a tube of green squirting it in his hand. Lifting his hand he smeared the green down Sean's jaw with a friendly slap. "Your bloody whitewash is coming off Lucky the Leprechaun!"

"Aye, I'm a leprechaun now am I me little British tart...uhmmm? Well, let's see.ye looked like ye could use some color here." He grabbed a tube of brown and squirted it almost entirely on Spike, then started to rub it in laughing loudly.

Spike stumbled back against the wall as Sean smeared the brown down his face, neck, and chest. "What you trying to bloody well do? Turn me into a fudge pop tart, peaches?" His chuckle turned into a fit of giggling as Sean hit each sensitive spot on his body.

Shrugging Sean's gaze moved over Spike. He picked up the whole tube and squirted it over Spike's head laughing louder. "No, I'm making you into a s'more.yummy."

As fast as he could he hobbled out of the studio and into his bedroom. Pushing the door shut he leaned against it in hopes of keeping Spike out who by now had to be a bit miffed at him, but he couldn't stop laughing.

Spike grabbed a tube of red and a tube of yellow paint with a growl. Slowly he followed Sean and knocked on the door. "Hey, peaches come on now don't be like that. Squirt and run ain't a bloody nice thing to do." He pushed against the door with a laugh.

Cursing when the door nearly flew open even with him leaning against it Sean growled. "No way am I opening this. You're probably going to coat me."

"Now why would I do that, pet." Spike chuckled. "I mean just cause I'm looking like a sodding fudgesicle?"

Sean pondered and for some reason he stepped back from the door. "Okay, there I'm not holding it."

Spike pushed the door in and grinned like a predator. "Now I think you've been acting like a bloody wiener so guess what?" Spike's eyes sparkled with glee as he whipped out the red and yellow paint tubes. "I brought you some catsup and mustard!" He proceeded to squirt Sean from head to toe with the red and yellow.

Sean laughed as he held up his hands to deflect most of it, but he still got coated good. When the tubes were finally emptied he barreled into Spike taking him to the floor. They slid against each other---the paint wet and slippery---as Sean started laughing, long and hard. Finally he stopped as he found himself positioned between Spike's legs perfectly---his arms on either side of his head.

Looking up at Sean with wide cobalt eyes Spike reared up on his knees taking a chance. Sean would either kick him out or prove him right. He lifted his hands and tangled them in Sean's paint sticky hair and brought his mouth up claiming Sean's with a desperate and terrified kiss.

Sean didn't freeze nor did he pull away, but when Spike let him go to breathe he just stared and stared at him. He pulled away not going far just a few inches so he could lean back against the foot of his bed. Sean's stare grew harder then focused on his paint stained arms, but he still doesn't speak.

Head falling for a moment Spike tried to collect his thoughts. "Look...Sean...I'm sorry mate."

"Oh, don't say sorry that would mean I was upset over something." Sean answered quietly still staring at his arms.

Crawling across the floor Spike settled on his knees between Sean's outspread legs. "Then you're not upset, luv?"

"No, and it's pretty freaky to tell you the truth. I mean I wasn't upset when Syd kissed me either all those years ago. But then I knew where I stood what I felt. Now though when you did it...I'm not so..." Sean turned his face away. "Now I'm not so sure."

Lifting a hand Spike touched Sean's jaw gently pulling him around. "It's okay, peaches." He rubbed his thumb across Sean's cheekbone gently. "Nothing has to happen...nothing you don't want, pet."

Sean's eyes fluttered shut at the touch of Spike's hand against his cheek. Unconsciously he turned his face into that cool hand and murmured. "I know that."

"Glad to know I didn't scare you too bad, luv." Spike relished the feel of Sean's cheek in his palm. "So would you be upset if I kissed you again?" He whispered.

Opening his eyes Sean met Spike's gaze silently seemingly lost in thought, then he shook his head slowly whispering. "No, I wouldn't be upset."

Leaning in Spike placed a gentle kiss on Sean's lips. This time he took it slow and easy, then gently he licked at Sean's lips as if to whisper 'may I come in'.

Sean expelled a tiny breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, then he tentatively let his lips part.

As he felt Sean's lips part Spike ran his hands up and through Sean's hair. Slowly he swirled his tongue into Sean's mouth, teasing and trying to coax Sean's tongue into action.

Sean's own hands came up and settled on the nape of Spike's neck just laying there for now as his tongue slowly started to move and slide. When his tongue touched Spike's he stopped, but only momentarily, then began to stroke back.

Moaning softly Spike tried to hold back and let Sean take the lead. He knew that one wrong move and Sean might back out. That was the last thing he wanted. What he wanted was Sean to take him here and now. He wanted to be Sean's first male lover and his only lover period, he thought, whimpering as Sean's tongue teased his in a swirling dance.

When Spike whimpered and moaned it set a fire in his belly. The fingers of one hand tightened in the hair at the nape of Spike's neck, but not painfully and his other reached around pulling Spike's body closer. He opened his mouth wider and kissed back a bit harder.

The grip on his hair tightened and Spike growled softly as he kissed back harder. God---if there was one---he thought, had to be playing one huge cosmic joke on him. He hoped not because he didn't want this moment to end. He wanted what he believed to be true to really be true.

When Sean pulled back to breathe his eyes were dilated and his breathing labored and loud. "Jesus Christ, oh, god."

"No...just me, luv." Spike whispered his tongue darting out to lick his lower lip. His eyes sparkled as he stroked Sean's face. "What now, peaches?"

"I don't...I don't know. I don't even know where to start...I..." Sean reached out his fingers stroking down Spike's neck. "I just want to touch you, Will. You, Will." He trailed off embarrassed to ask for what he was still unsure of wanting, but knowing deep down he did want it somehow.

"Anything, luv." Spike smiled. "Do you want to touch me? Do you want me to just let you do that?"

Sean nodded. He figured it was the best place to start instead of rushing into it, then regretting it. This way he could take his time make sure he wanted this.

"Would you like me naked? Here on the floor, pet?" Spike looked deep into Sean's dark eyes. "Or on the bed?"

Sean swallowed hard. God this was hot and they hadn't even done anything yet, he thought. He pointed up to the bed and coughed trying not to swallow his tongue whole when he spoke. "Bed and stay, stay like this...let me...I mean...I'll do it if that's okay."

Spike nodded and stood holding out a hand to pull Sean to his feet. "Whatever you want, peaches. Take it slow and easy, luv."

Standing with Spike's help Sean moved to the bed climbing on with Spike in tow. Sean tried several times to start somewhere---any point, somewhere - ---on Spike's body, but it seemed futile. He sat back and rubbed his face. Paint chips drifted down to the sheets and as he stared at them, an idea formed. Looking up at Spike he scooted over taking Spike's hand in his as he started to rub slowly up his arms removing the paint.

Smiling Spike watched Sean and followed his lead wondering where this would go. He could see the nervousness in his eyes, but there's also a passion, a fire, burning in their depths. He wanted to release that fire and let it consume him completely. Just the thought caused him to whimper deep in his throat.

"I like it when you do that." Sean said softly his fingers moving up Spike's arm chipping the paint off gently and caressing the silken skin beneath.

"The whimper..." Spike sighed, "...keep doing what you're doing and you'll hear more, luv."

Sean smiled, a tiny bit. "I imagine I'll get lots of sounds then. No, ego here---of course." He chuckl- ed. Moving to the other arm he started the same process only this time he ran his fingers through Spike's.

Spike's eyes drifted shut and he laughed. The laugh soon became a soft whimper as Sean's hands strok- ed his arm. "Going to drive me crazy..."

"Not one for the slow then I take it?"

"Actually..." Spike's eyes fluttered open, "...I...love the slow..." his voice trailed off in a moan.

Sean looked into Spike's eyes when his hands come up to Spike's neck his fingernails slowly dragging down to chip the paint. "So your just saying you like it so much I'm killing you in a whole other way?"

Spike's back bowed as Sean's hands move down his throat. "Yeah...oh, bloody hell...yesss..." he hissed softly.

Pulling his hands back he looked at Spike a bit confused. "Okay, did I hurt you or was that good because it sounded good and looked good but I'm not so sure somehow."

Rolling his eyes and groaning Spike growled in a half-choked whisper. "Sean...more...don't you bloody well stop..." he grabbed Sean's hands and pulls them back down. "Sodding nerves are on fire..."

Sean reached up touching Spike's neck and caressed his fingers over his skin. "You feel the same though, skin's cool and soft." He moved his hands downward slowly over his shoulders, then his chest until he reached Spike's nipples. Going ultra slow over Spike's nipples he chipped the paint away.

This time the noise Spike made was more of a keening sound from deep in his throat. He had missed this so much. Twenty-five years and he never for one moment considered being with anyone else. But now---no this is Angel, his soul whispered.

Sean's fingernails grazed over Spike's nipples and he watched as they perk up and go taut. He moan- ed moving closer straddling Spike's body. One of his hands moved downward the rest of the way peeling the paint from Spike's stomach. When his hand connected with the top of Spike's jeans Sean's eyes meet his as he spoke. "Moment of truth then."

"Yeah...peaches..." Spike sighed, "...touch me..."

Sean nodded moving back enough to use both of his hands---now a bit shaky---to unbutton and unzip Spike's jeans. He wasn't nervous because he would see Spike's naked body. No, he had seen plenty of that lately. He was nervous because of what he would do with it this time around once it was naked.

Starting to pull the jeans down Sean stopped when he connected with the bed. "Lift up for me."

Spike's hips rose up. "That good now, luv?" His voice was rough with need and anticipation. He wanted this far more than he'd wanted anything in a quarter of a century.

"That's just fine, Will." Sean whispered softly as he lowered the jeans the rest of the way and pulled them away from Spike's ankles.

Spike was naked and open to Sean's gaze now and Sean had to close his eyes momentarily to get his bearings back. "Oh, freaking shit...oh, god damn...oh, fuck."

Opening his eyes Spike whispered softly. "Sean...Sean, luv...look at me. Look in my eyes, pet." His voice was nothing but honeyed gravel now.

Sean shook his head he absolutely refused to open his eyes and look into those blue, blue eyes of sultry seduction---hell no. He was a horny male, but not a dumb one and the minute he looked he was gone. God what the hell was he doing here, he thought.

"Can't.no I can't...Jesus what am I doing?"

"Touching me..." Spike grinned at the stubborn set in Sean's expression. "We could stop if you want, luv. Nothing happens you don't want." He pushed up on his elbows.

"That's the problem, god that is the problem." Sean opened his eyes. He moaned out loud, then covered his mouth. His cock started to harden in his jeans and he moaned again at the feeling.

"Shhh..." Spike reached out with one hand stroking Sean's shoulder. "What do you want, peaches? Anything for you...anything..."

Sean grasped Spike's hand and shoved that small soft hand in exactly the place that was giving him the most trouble. But when he did his eyes widened and he froze. "Oh, shit I didn't."

Spike smiled at the looked of wide-eyed shock on Sean's face. He squeezed the throbbing denim covered heat. "This what you want, pet? I could do that for you if you want."

Swallowing hard Sean doesn't take his firm grip off Spikes wrist, but when he finally did let go it was only to breathe. A series of fast, quick breathes and he reached beneath his painting shirt---lifting it up and off. Then he looked down at Spike's hand that was still on his crotch---obediently almost.

"Let me take off my pants."

Spike drew his hand back with a quick squeeze, then licked his lips. "Like I said...whatever you want, luv."

Sitting up Sean unbuttoned his pants, then he tucked his hands under the waistband slowly tugging them down. Sitting back he slipped them off then tossed them to the side. When he looked back up at Spike he scooted over his legs on either side of Spike's hips. "Now we're even."

Lowering his gaze Spike smirked, then growled softly. "Naw, peaches. You got at least an inch on me."

"I'm trying not to notice that actually."

"And I'm making you see now ain't I, pet?" Spike laughed, then raised a brow. "Could I please touch you?"

"Where exactly?" Sean whispered shyly.

Growling softly Spike looked into Sean's dark eyes. "Here..." his fingers curled around Sean's erection and squeezed.

Sean's eyes rolled back and he gripped the bed with both of his fists as he expelled a deep breath, "Oh, there."

"Yesss..." Spike began stroking the warm thickness in his palm. "You're beautiful Sean...so bloody beautiful and innocent..." Spike licked his lips.

"Am ..fuck...am...god...not...not innocent." Sean moaned as he tried to keep still during Spike's ministrations.

Spike moved closer keeping a snug grip on Sean's throbbing erection. "Not in sex with a woman, but I'm no woman, pet. Have you ever been with another man?" Spike purred as his thumb stroked across the tip of Sean's cock..

"Oh, freaking Christ." Sean keened as Spike's thumb stroked over the tip. "Nooo.but you know, know that already."

"Then you're innocent...just not in the way you thought I meant. What do you want to do, peaches?" He whispered in Sean's ear then licked the shell of his ear.

"I don't. I don't know." Sean whispered back. "Just do with me.just do with me what you want. Show me.please freaking show me."

Spike purred softly as he released Sean's cock and pressed his hands against his chest. "Lay back, luv. Just relax and lay back."

Sean did as he was told laying back on the bed--- his wide brown eyes focused on Spike---wondering what he was going to do now.

"Do you have lube, pet?" Spike smiled at the wide eyed expression on Sean's face.

Nodding Sean pointed to the bathroom connected to his bedroom. He always kept some for the nights he wanted to wank-off with a slick hand.

God, oh shit what was Spike going to do with it?, he thought.

He clenched his eyes shut from the possibilities.

He had been freaking straight this morning he swears he was.

Sliding from the bed Spike went to the bathroom and found the lube, then returned. The terror was clear on Sean's face and Spike straddled him laying against his chest their cocks trapped between their bellies. "Shhh...relax, luv. I won't hurt you."

Sean nodded frantically he believed it---he did as crazy as it might have seemed. "I know.I know."

"There you go now, pet." Spike kissed Sean softly on the cheek then sat up moving down until he was straddling his thighs. Opening the lube he squirted a bit into his palm, then tossed the bottle to the side warming the lube in his palms best he could. He slowly began slicking Sean's cock up with gentle strokes.

"Oh, shit yesss..." Sean moaned when Spike's slicked hand gripped his cock---sliding up and down. "Your hand is so soft and strong, it feels so good when you touch me."

"Good...want you to enjoy this. Couldn't have you so bloody tense." Spike continued stroking for a few moments, then released Sean's cock. "Hey, peaches open those beautiful eyes and see what I want to do for you." Rearing up on his knees Spike began to prepare himself.

Sean's mouth fell open and a breath of air escaped as he tried to convey his total surprise. He tried again, but that only came  out as a moan and then whimper when he saw Spike's fingers sink deep.

His eyes connected with Spike's and his heart started to hammer along with his hard breaths.

Spike's eyes were locked on Sean's as he opened himself up. "Sean...it's okay. Want to show you how bloody good it could be." He hissed as he added a third finger opening himself further.

"Beautiful Irish eyes...see what I want...what you want? It'll be wonderful---promise you, pet."

"Show me, please show me." Sean whimpered his cock throbbing. He did want this, he wanted this really bad more than anything he could remember.

Slipping his fingers from his body Spike swallow- ed hard as he knee walked up the bed until he was directly over Sean's erection. "Hush...this will feel good, luv." Reaching behind himself Spike gripped Sean's swollen cock, then rose on his knees posi- tioning the tip of Sean's cock at his stretch opening.

"You ready, peaches?" He whispered.

"Yes." Sean managed, but that was all he could manage at the moment.

Slowly Spike lowered himself on Sean's cock and he whimpered as the thick head pushed through with a soft pop, then he pushed down with a quick thrust of his hips. Crying out as Sean's cock brushed his prostate he bit down on his lower lip.

He stilled letting himself adjust to the thick hard- ness impaling him and he moaned softly. "Sooo... big..."

Sean was frozen his hands the only sign of any- thing as they literally ripped the sheet. His eyes were black now and his mouth was open, but nothing came out. The pleasure exploded in his brain cutting everything else off. All he knew was that he was thankful Spike stopped moving.

Because if not Sean would be fifteen in a barn with Mary Jean Reilly, again.

Glancing down Spike took an unneeded breath. "You ready, luv? Want me to move?"

"Gah!! Oh Gah!!" Sean cried as his fingers started to move again---off the blanket and up to settle on Spike's hips.

Spike chuckled softly. "I guess that's an okay then." He folded his hands over Sean's and slowly moved up with a soft whimper, then pushed down again. "How's...how's that, luv?" Spike gasped.

"Like.like heaven. You're so.so tight. Best thing I..I ever felt. Gripping me.god you're gripping me, fit me so...oh shit.fit me so good."

"Yeah...that's it...talk to me, pet." Spike whimpered as he pulled up again, then down. He gasped as his own cock grew harder. "Sit up...will feel really good...ugh...oh, shit...come on , luv. Fuck me..." he whimpered.

Sean sat up and immediately laid his hands on Spike's upper back not knowing if this was good, but just going with it. He kissed Spike's neck nipping it gently as he pulled his hips back, then tentatively thrusts up between Spike's trembling thighs. "Like this?"

Spike's back bowed as he threw back his head letting out a keening wail. "Yesss!!" He bared his throat to Sean and growled softly. "Feels...oh, bloody fuck all...so fucking good, luv!"

Taking that as a good sign Sean pulled back again, opened his mouth, then bit down thrusting harder and deeper.

A wild animal sound ripped from Spike's throat as he writhed in Sean's grip. His cock was hard to the point of pain, but he wanted to come with Sean.

Panting he opened his eyes bearing down on Sean's cock and moaned. "Touch...meee..."

Sean's hand curled around Spike's cock the way he found he enjoyed and started to stroke slowly as he thrusts deeper and deeper into Spike's body. The silky tightness of Spike's ass almost did him in, the sensations surging from his head to his toe.

Throwing his head back Spike keened and twisted his hips as he felt Sean's hand pumping and squeezing his throbbing cock. "God! Sean...fuck!" He writhed as he rode Sean harder his ass clench- ing, his cock swelling, until he swore the top of his head would explode. "Finally! God feel so good... so bloody good!"

"Yes, yes, yes ohhh...hell yesss...!" Sean screamed as he felt himself growing closer. "Going to... can't.couldn't.too good.this is too good."

Spike leaned forward kissing Sean desperately trying to infuse everything he was feeling into that one action. He rode harder and faster whimpering as Sean continued stroking him.

"Come...please...come..." Spike moaned against Sean's warm lips. "Want to feel you come inside me."

"Holy shit." Sean whispered. then his body seized up right before he came hard. Stream after stream pouring deep inside Spike. His head curled into Spike's shoulder and as his body shuddered out his orgasm he repeated the same word over and over.

"Will. Will.Will, Will."

Spike dropped his own head into Sean's convulsing throat and he screamed his teeth biting into Sean's shoulder as he fought to keep his demon at bay. His cock swelled and spasmed in Sean's fist and he came seconds later---his cool seed splattering across his belly and Sean's.

Falling back onto the bed his arms still securely around Spike, his breathing hard and labored Sean's chest rose and fell continuously.

He had never felt so alive---ever.

His skin buzzed and tingled, his brain was at peace like the ocean at night---calm and sated. His muscles twitched and shook as he studied his reflection in the mirror above the bed.

Softly he sighed. "Holy shit..."

"Nothing holy about that, luv..." Spike mumbled softly kissing Sean's throat. Beneath him he could feel Sean's heart pounding wildly, his blood pumping through his veins, and his breath---god his sweet breath. He could feel his beast rear its ugly little head down in his belly and he growled softly.

"God you were.bloody...perfect, pet."

"You weren't anything to shake a stick at." Sean gasped breathlessly.

Slowly Spike lifted his head and smiles at Sean his eyes sparkling like polished gems. "Me? You ain't upset are you, mate? I wanted it to be bloody good for you---not too much.too soon." He brushed his lips along Sean's chin tasting the saltiness of his skin. "Didn't want to scare you away..." he whispered.

Sean grasped Spike's face catching his eyes. "I'm not scared and I'm not going anywhere. I wasn't nuts or drunk or anything. I made this decision." He brought Spike's face to his own licking softly at his bottom lip, then sucking it into his mouth.

Nibbling and kissing, then Sean releases his mouth. "It was so good, better than good. You almost blew my brain out."

Chuckling Spike nipped at Sean's lower lip growl- ing softly, then purring as he rubbed against him. "My brain melted, luv. And I don't want to move--- ever." He lowered his head onto Sean's shoulder. "Could be here forever---just laying here with you under me, around me, and inside me. "

Sean laughs softly his fingers stroking up Spike's back. "Well, that would only work if we lived forever, but we're going to die someday. And do you know you purr and growl so well you almost sound like a huge cat. Wish I could do it, it's... comforting."

"Is it now, peaches? Never thought of it that way." He stretched and whimpered as he felt Sean slip from his body. "You wore me out, Pet."

"Ditto." Sean yawned. He reached over and pulled a blanket on top of them. "Stay like you are I don't mind. I swear it feels like you weigh nothing."

Spike snuggled into Sean's throat licking his pulse. "Nothing...like air am I, luv?" He chuckled as his eyes began to drift shut. His chest rumbles with a purr. "So warm...so full of life..." he mumbled.

"It's a gift what could I say?" Sean muttered before his eyes drifted shut and he fell into a deep sleep.

~Part: 3~

Rolling over on his side Spike purred as he stretched. His hand crept across the sheets only to find them cool to the touch and empty. Setting up he blinked and turned to the night stand his eyes focusing on the soft glow of the alarm clock. It was three am.

Where the fuck was Sean?, he wondered.

Sliding from the bed he reached for the robe laying over the chair and slipped it on. He hoped he hadn't scared Sean away after all. That had been the best sex he'd had since the first time with Angel---not Angelus, but Angel.

Stepping into the hall he heard soft noises next door. The studio, he thought, maybe he was having a hard time sleeping? Carefully moving down the stairs into the dim light he focused on Sean.

Sean was shirtless and wearing a pair of jeans--- two buttons unbuttoned at the waist---sketching furiously. He grunted then tossed the sketch away and started up on another.

The room---when Spike looked around---was covered in sketches from one corner to the next. On the walls even hanging over chairs and Sean's chest of drawers.

A sheen of sweat covered Sean's body, his tattoo standing out starkly against his pale skin, defined by the beads of perspiration and smears of char- coal. He must have wiped his hands on himself. He seemed oblivious to everything.

"Sean?" Spike stepped down into the studio his eyes focused on Sean and Sean alone.

He seemed possessed by something or perhaps someone.

"Sean? Peaches?"

Spike slowly approached him and he was pretty damn sure that something was wrong now. As he watched Sean's hands they moved across the sheets of paper wildly---almost to the point of shredding the paper itself. He reached forward his hand hovering  above Sean's damp shimmering shoulder.

That was when he knocked over the jar full of brushes. As it hit the floor it shattered sending sparkling shards of smoky glass and worn brushes skittering across the floor.

Sean snapped out of his trance and froze, but only for a moment, then like lightening he grabbed a nearby blanket tossing it over the easel.

Suddenly he started kicking and shoving most of the sketches into and under anything. After he finished this strange dance he turned smiling softly.

Grabbing Spike around the waist he kissed him passionately, then whispered. "Hey, what are you doing up? Nah, doesn't matter come on lets go to bed."

Spike's brow shot up and he narrowed his eyes.

"Sean what're you doing down here? You should be in bed. Trouble sleeping, pet? Or did  you have one of your inspirational dreams?" Spike stepped around Sean reaching for the blanket that covered the easel. "Can I see what you've been busy doing?"

Wrapping his arms around Spike's waist---trapping his arms---Sean squeezed making it seem as if he were cuddling. His lips moved up the back of Spike's neck. "Don't worry about it. I just couldn't sleep. I just went nuts it's nothing important. Call it dreams, call it anything you want. The sketches don't matter come on.want to take you to bed." He licked the shell of Spike's ear, then breathed out. "Don't you want me to take you to bed, Will?"

Whimpering softly Spike shook his head. "Yes, but...damn me...what are you trying to hide?" He struggled a bit in Sean's bear hug not wanting to hurt him or to reveal too much. "Talk to me Sean...I love everything you do. You're bloody talented, pet."

Spike tugged one arm free reaching for the blanket again his fingers curling in it and tugging.

"NO!!" Sean screamed as the blanket fell away revealing the sketches beneath---revealing what he'd tried so hard to hide.

Everywhere there were sketches of Spike---tied up, strung up dangling from ceilings, chained to walls, and beds. There were sketches of him bent over all kinds of things---tables, beds, benches, and lounges. There were also sketches of him bleeding from where he looked as if he'd been whipped, cut, and bitten.

Too many sketches.

Sketches of him wanton, exposed, bruised, spread wide, posed and arched.

Suddenly Sean felt all the air in his lungs escape--- expelling in a loud gasp. He lost his footing, tripp- ed and caught himself on the chest of drawers before he landed on his ass. Whimpering he covered his mouth in terror. He had no idea what was about to happen, but he'd never been this scar- ed or unsure in his life---ever.

Gaze moving from sketch to sketch Spike moved closer to each one. He absorbed the details from the sketches even though he didn't have, too. Each of these images has been plucked from his memories---moments in time captured---of his time with Angelus. He'd loved his sire with an unfounded passion, but Angelus was one sick fucker. His sexual proclivities often caused Darla-- -a whore in her human life---to take pause.

His eyes drifted shut and he could hear Sean whimpering. The smell of his fear and self-loathing rolling off his body in waves.

"Is this what you want to do to me, luv?" Spike whispered.

"WHAT? NO!! FUCK!!" Sean screamed his face going paler---almost a stark bone white---then he started to chatter his words almost jumbling together. "I was fine.I was fine when I went to sleep. You were in my arms and I was fine---then BOOM!! I woke up and just came down here. Didn't know.didn't know.I don't.I don't know where they came from ..they just came. One after the other.after the other and they just came and I had to get them out...I had, too."

"It's okay, pet." Spike turned his eyes soft as he stepped closer. "I wouldn't mind it. Sometimes the need to be dominated can be invigorating...bloody fucking incredible." He held out a hand studying Sean's ghostly white face. "Ain't nothing wrong with exploring the dark side, peaches."

Sean's face---if possible---went even whiter and he made a gurgling sound, then gagged as if he were going to be sick. "I.I can't do this...have to get out...can't breathe.I can't breathe." He turned abruptly, hobbling as fast as he could out of the studio, and down the hall. He planned to get the hell out of dodge he couldn't stay in this house with his---clearly now---deranged lover.

"Bloody fucking hell!" Spike snapped as he stomped up the stairs. He should have kept his big sodding mouth shut, he thought. He should have acted horrified at the very least, but 'NO' what did he do? He offered himself up like a sick twisted little psycho.

"Sean! SEAN!! GOD DAMMIT!!"

Sean shook his head swearing he could almost feel the front door knob. "No.no.need to get out. have to get out." He mumbled under his breath.

Spike found Sean fumbling with the door knob on the verge of hyperventilating. "Dammit SEAN!"

Grabbing Sean he whirled him around. "Get a sodding grip, pet! What did you want me to say? Did you want me to scream and run? Well, fuck that! I'm NOT!!" His eyes pinned Sean to the door by will alone as he reached up stroking Sean's cheek. "It's okay, pet...breath...breath for me. Calm down and we can talk."

That was when Sean lost it pushing Spike up against the wall and got so close there was barely room to breathe. His word spitting out at Spike.

"What's wrong with you? Are you deranged? I am not like this. This isn't who I am. What did you do to me? For god's sake I don't beat people up for fun, I don't cut them, I don't hurt them, I don't screw them for power, and possesion...I...I don't."

Stopping his tirade he released Spike walking away, then came back. "And I don't want to either." Then he was heading back down the hall intent on going to his room.

"Sean!" Spike yelled as he followed him down the hall. "I didn't do shit to you! How could I! I just don't want you to think there's something wrong with you...because there isn't!" Spike followed him through the door and grabbed his arm. "Don't do this to yourself, peaches!"

Sean pulled away and his eyes---very reminiscent of times long gone---went black. "Don't touch me. And all this." he poked himself in the head. "Started when you came.all of it. Sure I have strange dreams but I never had one where I torture, practically rape and beat up the person I have feelings for.that I have sex with. What kind of person does that Spike?"

Gaze dropping to the floor Spike's voice went soft as cotton. "Someone who has a need to control..." he whispered, then looked up. "It's not rape if it's consensual. I'm surprised at you, Sean. Don't tell me that uptight annoying bint your bloody well screwing is vanilla all the way. She's reeks of other men! Did you know that?!" Spike growled as he feels the demon screaming to be released, but he slammed the bars down tighter.

Sean's eyes went wide and he backed up. "I have no need to control Spike.and no I'm not vanilla, but that shit in there." he pointed towards the studio, ".is not playtime.  I don't care what she does and further more how the flying hell can you smell that shit anyway?"

"Fuck it! Fine! I'm leaving okay. Is that what you want?" Spike turned away grinding his teeth as he did and he headed for the door. "I'll be gone and then you can quit worrying about if I'm a bloody psycho!"

Sean's brain slowed, stopped for a second as the gears snapped and exploded. For some reason the sight of Spike turning his back on 'him', walking away from `him' shattered him. He rushed---even with a broken ankle--- across the room slamming the door shut and his hands flew out grabbing Spike's arms, pushing him backwards to the bed.

He makes a tisking sound. "Were do ye think yer goin'? I wasn't done wit' ye."

Spike hit the bed with an 'oof' his eyes going wide as he snarled. "I think we were done! I believe we were bloody well done somewhere after you accused me of stuffing weird shit in your head!" He started to stand and head for the door again.

Tackling Spike to the floor Sean straddled his waist ripping off his robe. "Not done.not done till you tell me what you did."

Squirming and twisting Spike growled at Sean on the verge of losing it. He didn't want to hurt Sean, but damned if he was going set here and be accused of fucking with his bloody brain.

"I TOLD YOU!! I DID NOTHING TO YOUR BRAIN YOU SODDING, GIT!"

Sean swooped down bringing his mouth to Spike's ear and whispered ever so softly. "You had, too. You're all I think about. All I dream about. You're all through me. I feel like you've always been. How can you always be? Who are you, Will?"

"I'm just a bloody man!" Spike snapped twisting and bucking beneath Sean. "I can't do this Sean!" He growled. "I can't tell you a lie and if I tell you that I fucked with your head I will be lying! Just let me go Sean! Let me leave and you can get on with your bloody life..." the last word came out in a choked whimper.

Sean kissed the tip of Spike's ear and whispered in an almost lost little boy voice. "I can't.I don't know why but I can't let you go. I'm sorry.I'm sorry please.please don't go. Stay with me.stay with me."

"Is that what you want? Or are you scared of me?" Spike twisted his head to the side staring at the wall knowing this could have been done and over with sooner. He could have taken Sean easily, but that's the last thing he wants. He doesn't want Sean to know he's a monster because if he's reacting like this to the pictures what would he do about the monster factor? "Don't be sorry...I don't do sorry."

Sean pulled Spike's face back looking into his eyes. "I'm scared, but I'm not scared of you. I'm just a little freaked out. I just spent the better part of four hours mindlessly sketching you in several different degrees of pain and whorish type poses. I think I'm more scared of me. What's inside of me."

"Nothing wrong inside you, pet" Spike met his gaze with an equally intense one. "Do it..." he whispered.

"I.I can't....." Sean's voice trailed off as he removed the remains of Spike's robe to reveal the skin he had sketched in so many ways for the past few hours.

The gears started to whir again. He trailed his hands up Spike's arm finally pinning them to the floor---his fingers splaying for a firmer grip. His eyes dilated and his body shifted to move in between Spike's legs. Pushing his legs outwards he roughly forced Spike's apart spreading him open.

"Let it out, luv." Spike whispered, then growled softly. "I'll be yours---all yours---and I'll let you do anything." He took a ragged breath his eyes drifting shut. "I trust you, peaches."

"You shouldn't." Sean replied as he used his legs to pull down his pants---grateful he'd left the two buttons unfastened. "God, I'm thinking you really shouldn't ever trust me."

"My choice..." Spike tried not to think of what may or may not come. He'd survived Angelus' worst tortures. Beaten, raped, the blood lettings and he was sure that Sean would never go that far. "Use me...use me to chase the darkness out of your brain"

"You are my darkness, Will. And I'm going to stuff myself so deep into you I may never recover so another analogy---maybe?" Sean growled as he lined up and then pushed forward into Spike. His eyes flickered as he impaled Spike---his hands tightening on Spike's arms.

A cry rose from deep in Spike's chest as Sean pushed forward impaling him and he struggled just enough to convince Sean that he was human.

"God...oh shit...SEAN!" He bucked his hips.

"Hurt?" Sean asked, but his voice seemed far from caring as he jerked Spike's arms upward as he brought his hips back.

"No..." Spike's eyes narrowed as he hissed, "...feels good, luv."

"Must not be trying hard enough then---huh?" Sean whispered, then reared their bodies upward making Spike's back arch at an odd angle and he thrust forward hard. Groaning and moaning his hands moved to tighten around Spike's wrists.

Spike wailed and bucked beneath the brutal thrust of Sean's hips. His head thrashed from side to side and he twisted his hands desperately. He could break free anytime he wanted, but Sean needed this more than he realized. His memories were rising fast and hard scaring the hell out of him, Spike thought, even though he didn't want to admit it.

Sean found himself drifting in and out of his head focusing mainly on Spike.

<What's the matter lad? Oh, I see.there now how's that? Ahh...aye that's what I like ta hear scream louder Will.louder.louder...yer a good boy, such a good boy.>

"Fuck, oh god."

<So pretty.yer so pretty. Tell `em yer mine. So beautiful and mine, Will.>

Sean pumped harder and deeper his hands stretch- ing Spike's arms to the point of pain, but all he could feel was the pleasure. All he could hear was Spike on the outside and the voices in his head.

<Love it when ye moan fer me.Willy. Love anythin' ye do as long as ye do it fer me. Not meant fer anythin' but what I want ye fer. That's right open yer mouth for Daddy.>

Sean's eyes focused on Spike's and he whispered. "Do you like this baby? Does Daddy make you feel good?"

A deep groan escaped Spike and he shivered beneath Sean's body. The feel of being brutally fucked like this was incredible. He never could get Angel to explore his dark side. God, forbid if Angelus ever escaped from his cage and pranced about Los Angeles like the bloody prick he was in Sunnydale. The one thing Spike could never make Angel understand was that Angelus might have been a bastard, but he hadn't been insane before.

His insanity was the direct result of being caged away for so long. Being denied what he needed.

His thought was interrupted by a particularly brutal thrust that slammed into his prostate. A white burst of stars explodes behind his eyelids and he scream- ed. Not a girlie scream, but a bloody 'I'm so fuck- ing turned on my cock is about to explode' scream. He thrashed and twisted as he fought the demon inside him and the need to come hard at the same time.

"SEAN!!" He screamed out the name of the man who was presently fucking him into the floor. God, he needed this, too. Suddenly he realized that this wasn't just about Sean's needs, but also about his.

"Oh, GOD! Yes, Daddy! YES!!"

Sean bit Spike's earlobe and purred out. "Good." Then he pumped faster and harder grabbing Spike's cock pummeling away intent on getting them both off and effectively turning his brain into a worthless pile of mush.

The feel of Sean's hand on his cock was almost more than he could stand. Abrasive and rough, but not as rough as the ass riding he was being given. The way his hips were tilted every inward stroke slammed into his prostate sending jolts of heat spiraling through his groin.

He cried out again and again, but not because it's painful---though it was just a bit---but because he couldn't believe he was finally being used like he wanted to be used. He threw back his head and screamed as his cock pulsed and exploded over Sean's fist. At the same moment his ass tightened around Sean's thrusting cock and he gasped.

"Now...daddy...please..."

And Sean came with a wordless scream dropping boneless on top of Spike the sweat dripping off him in a near waterfall. He gripped Spike and held him close even as out of it as he was in so many ways. But he was still lucid enough to be scared of what he'd done and what would happen.

Spike whimpered as Sean came hard the warmth of his seed filling Spike up for the second time in just a few hours. Spike panted softly just out of habit and partly to keep the illusion in intact. As he tried to collect his thoughts he moaned and whimpered beneath Sean.

"...breathe..." he gasped.

It wouldn't do to have Sean think he'd killed his bloody arse, Spike thought.

Sean carefully lifted himself up from Spike's trembling body rolling to his side on the floor next to him. His hands wandered all over his body---not being perverted, but checking to make sure he wasn't changed in some way. He didn't have any idea why he was worried about it---but he was.

"You okay...peaches...?" Spike whimpered as he tried to adjust to the lose of the connection between he and Sean. He turned his head and focused on Sean face. He could smell the fear rolling off Sean's skin. "Hey...pet?"

Sean's drifted out of his head again with newer voices---changed voices more like himself.

<Spike get out.I mean it out! No.no blow jobs in the office. Because I have to work. No.no Peaches please.no Peaches it will be fun.no you're so sexy peaches. I don't want to hear it. Oh, Jesus fine make it quick Spike.>

"Sean...come on, pet." Spike pulled himself up on his aching arms and reached out to stroke Sean's cheek. "No harm done...no foul...look at me, pet." He leaned in and brushed a kiss across Sean's lips. "Ain't going to lose you, peaches. Just found you..."

Sean's eyes opened and they seemed unfocused as he pointed to Spike. "Spike?"

Spike raised one brow and nodded. "Yeah, that would be me, luv. You had me worried there for a bit. Thought you'd lost all your biscuits out of your tin." He smiled as he continued stroking Sean's face.

Sean pointed to himself. "Peaches?"

"Okay now, pet." Spike frowned and leaned in pulling Sean into his lap. "Yeah, that's you, luv. Talk to me now---you're scaring me."

Gesturing around his head Sean ran a hand through his hair. "Just.just tired I think.kind of confus- ed."

"Maybe I need to call Syd now. Could be the concussion mucking your bloody head up." Spike stood helping Sean to his feet. "You want to get some rest now, luv?"

"Yes, I want to rest, but don't call Syd. Please don't call him.I swear just need to sleep. This will only make him a nervous wreck. I just need to sleep. promise me you won't call." Sean begged.

Spike helped him to the bed pushing him back. "Just stay here, okay?" Going into the bathroom Spike cleaned himself up quickly, then returned with a fresh wash cloth. "Now listen, luv...I pro- mise no calling Syd...okay. Promise me you'll stay here though." He gently cleaned Sean up, then he located his meds. Getting a glass of water from the bathroom he handed Sean the pills. "Now take these bloody meds or you'll be hurting something awful in the morning."

Sean nodded taking the pills, then he set the water aside and laid back down on his side curling his arms around his pillow. "Okay, there I'm being good."

Tears welled up in Spike's eyes as he crawled up into the bed. He curled up next to Sean forcing him to shift so they were face to face. "It's okay, peaches..." he reached out caressing Sean's wild hair, "...I'm here okay? Always did watch out for you didn't I..." Spike leaned in kissing him gently, then pulled him into his arms stroking his back.

"William's here and I ain't going anywhere, luv."

Sean yawned and murmured. "Only been here a few days, Will. But yes you've watched out for me." His eyes drifted shut, his breathing calming as he slipped off to sleep.

Spike laid there staring at Sean as his chest rose and fell. He caught himself breathing, too. With a sigh he slipped from the bed keeping one eye on Sean as he grabbed another robe from Sean's closet considering there was little left of the other one. Quietly he made his way to the guest room and retrieved his cell and a bottle of blood from his cooler---that he'd hid in the closet. Unscrewing the cap he slipped out of the house and down to the beach.

***

Spike took a deep drink of the blood, then flipped open his phone dialing Gunn's number. He knew that he was about to hear an earful, but he needed some help.

"Yo, Gunn's residence speaking to the man.your time speak."

"Hey, Charlie it's me, pet." Spike took another swig of blood.

"ASSHOLE DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH?!!" Gunn screamed.

Yanking the phone back Spike's glared at the offending piece of plastic and metal. "CHARLES!" He screamed still holding the phone at a distance. "Are you bloody well done?!"

"NO! YA BASTARD AND WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY BETTER BE PRICELESS."

Spike raised a brow at the phone and cleared his throat. All he spoke was one word as he put the phone to his ear. "Angel."

Gunn went silent, then spoke softly. "Oh."

He was quiet again for a second then replied. "What about him man? Are you having a break- down need me to talk ya down or something? I miss him, too. But you have to stop this Spike his memory is goin' to drive you nutso."

Inhaling deeply Spike finished the last of the blood bottle, then spoke. "I think I found him Charlie...I think I found him..." his voice cracked.

"Spike, buddy how long have you been drinking and where are you?"

"I ain't been drinking you bloody, git!" Spike snapped. "Well, I had a couple of beers earlier, but...oh sod off Charlie! I ran him down with a car...two nights ago...I ran Angel down..."

Gunn sighed taking a breath and as caring as he could---to his friend---calmly whispered. "Spike, man Angel's been gone now for twenty-five years and no matter how much you,  I, or me wish it he ain't coming back. He disappeared and that's that. I don't know what happened but I know he's gone. He wouldn't have just left without saying goodbye. So something happened. Now I just need you to calm down, pack, and come home all right? What- ever happened me and the girls will sort you out, just come home man. Angel's gone Spike, let him go."

Sitting down on a rock at the edge of the lake Spike dangled his bare feet in the lake. "Look I know it sounds nuts, luv. I do...but Charlie he's here..." he glanced over his shoulder at the house, "...and he's human...Charlie he's bloody fucking human! Those fucking Senior ass wipes pulled a quick one...dropped him in the middle of no where...created some weird place where he's always been human or some bloody nonsense!"

Gunn goes quiet again. In the background there's a clattering of plastic, then a different voice---female and proud---comes on the line. "My husband has a shocked expression. Why?"

Chuckling Spike shook his head. "Hey, Blue...I found him, pet..."

"Found who blonde loud one?" There was quiet talking in the background, then Illyria came back on the line. "You have grief. That is not possible this claim. You are already two days, several hours, minutes and seconds late. You must return home. We will sort your clearly disturbed head, your human frailties are understandable you are after all not pure demon."

"Save me the sodding 'omnipotent god' shit, luv. Me heads twisted on just bloody fine." His accent thickened as he searched the robe pockets for his smokes. "I found him Blue and there's no bloody way it's not him. Looks like him, he's an artist, and he bloody well even smells a bit like him. Those horny demonic bastards fucked him up, Blue."

In the background there was more talking. Gunn was clearly talking to Illyria, then Illyria made a soft humming sound which usually meant that she was deep in thought. Finally she came back on the line.

"Blonde one if perhaps your claim is true who is to say it was Wolf, Ram and the Hart? There is also the Shanshu---is there not?"

More talking followed Illyria's comment, then a soft rustling and Gunn was back on the line. "Shit, man Shanshu...you don't fucking think?"

Shaking his head Spike sighed. "Didn't think about that, pet. But how? Why? Angel disappeared before the battle was over..." suddenly he stopped in mid-sentence, "...Charlie...bloody hell...the dragon! What the hell kind of a dragon was that?"

"I.I don't know man it was a big fucking fire breathin' mass of evil that's all I know." Gunn replied, then there was a long drawn out sigh and Illyria could be heard in the background talking.

"Rama-Stot"

"What woman?"

"If you wish to address me as such, then you shall get no explanation."

"Fine.fine please my darling, beautiful god how I adore you."

"Very well, Rama-Stot. I did not see the impor- tance then and I do not now. We overcame, but the dragon's name was Rama-Stot."

"Okay.Okay, but your point? Please for fucks sake there is a point right?"

Another sigh, then Illyria spoke slowly as if she were talking to a small child---in her mind she probably believed exactly that.

"Rama-Stot, Charles. RAMA-STOT was the dragon's name. Ram as in the Ram in Wolf, Ram and Hart. The dragon Angel killed honorably was the Ram."

"HOLY SHIT!!"

"The Ram? Bloody hell, Charlie! Angel killed one of the senior partners?" Spike felt a chill travel down his spine, and then glanced back at the house. "Shit, then I'm right...Charlie it's him...it's Angel. If he killed one of the senior partners that would qualify as Shanshu worthy," Spike dropped his head in his hand and sighed. "It's him...it's really him..."

"I'm coming. I want to see him man---where is he?" Gunn exclaimed his voice filled with happiness and excitement.

"No, Charlie...you can't. I seem to have fucked up his idyllic life when I hit him the other night. He hit his bloody head and he's been having flashbacks...like he remembers, but don't." Spike sighed. "He was happy and human...a normal life...with a family..." he groaned and stretched out on the rock staring up at the stars. "Charlie...I mucked it all up...his happiness..."

"How? What did you do man?" Gunn questioned, then he hissed in a low whisper. "Man you didn't? Did you?"

Spike groaned long and low. "Fuck...I...we...oh bloody hell..." growling Spike covered his eyes with his arm. "Charlie...I..."

"You're a dog man. Forget cat you're a dog. You hit him with a car, then when he was having memories of blood, gore, and kink days you still up and gave him your special skills? Spike are you sure you're not losing your FREAKING mind?"

Again there was the sound of Illyria in the background and Gunn screamed.

"I KNOW HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH THE FAMILIAR, I KNOW HE WANTS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!! I KNOW DAMN IT BUT HE DON'T REMEMBER PROCREATING OR WHATEVER THE HELL THAT WORD MEANS WITH HIM!! OH, FOR GOD SAKES."

Gunn took a breath and came back on the line. "I'm sorry man. My bad. Listen I want to see him so one way or the other I'm coming sometime. I miss my friend."

"You're right, Charlie..." Spike sighed, "...I'm a sodding bastard...I shouldn't have let it get this far. It only happened tonight and I been watching over him since the last night I talked to you. I'm scared, Charlie...I am. He's remembering some scary shit...Angelus shit...don't know if his human mind will be able to handle it. Got him all bedded down now. It's been a bloody rough night."

"Oh, that's bad man.no Angelus shit. I remember Angelus and we don't want that. What caused that? Or do I not want to know. Because I'm still a bit freaked about the you and him doing the nasty. That memory of the office blow job that I should have never walked in on will forever be burned into my brain cavity."

Chuckling Spike sat up pulling his knees up and resting his head on them. "Sorry about that Charlie. You know I drove him nuts until he gave in... Christ I miss him, pet. He was my sire, my best friend, and my sodding lover. I thought I was going nuts and then I saw his paintings..." Spike sighed, "...he remembers in his dreams, but now the dreams are getting stronger. Maybe I should leave. He has a family here Charlie. A mum, a little sis, and his best friend...Christ I miss him. Is that wrong Charlie?"

"Hell no Spike.hell no. Don't leave him now man. I know that's selfish to say. You're probably messing up some grand plan for him. It's his Shanshu man. But don't you dare leave him now. I want to freaking see him first at least. Jesus Spike it's Angel man.our Angel.freaking Champion for good former hell on wheels demon. And now he has a beatin' heart and breathe. How old is he?"

Spike smiled to himself. "Twenty-five...he's a baby, Charlie. And he's so beautiful...more beautiful than he was when he was a vamp. He has a tan for God's sake! And red...he has red streaks in his hair..."

"Whoa that's messed up." Gunn whisperd in awe.

"Why is that messed up?" Spike snorted.

"One Liam Frances O' Donnell was turned in a alley by one vampire Darla when he was a wee Irish lad of twenty-five Spike that's why it's messed up. You managed to find him at the exact age he was turned. Angel was externally twenty- five Spike. I've had years to read up trust me."

Spike blinked and swallowed. "Do you think that means something, Charlie? I mean could that be just a bloody accident?"

"Don't know but I know this either the PTB are having a wild field day. Or Angel was meant to have the same life in some form or another no matter what. Call it fate or destiny or whatever kind of white bread idealistic shit you want. But you found him for a reason. I'm telling you that much."

Up above the beach the doors that lead onto the deck opened and Sean appeared dressed in cotton pajama bottoms only. He walked out looking down on the beach where Spike sat.

"Fucking powers need to give a body some..." Spike stopped as he caught a hint of Sean's scent on the breeze. "Charlie...he's here..." Spike whispered as he turned looking up at Sean.

"Oh.oh Spike.Spike I want to hear his voice man seriously have him talk. Just let me hear his voice." Gunn's spit out. "Don't let me go until I hear it or I am so going to send my wife after you, please man."

Spike chuckled and waved at Sean. "No problem, Charlie. Can't let you be sending Blue after me now. Hey Sean!" He called out motioning for him to come join him on the rock.

Sean waved back moving down the deck stairs towards Spike. He stopped when he reached the rock. "Hey---couldn't sleep? Who you talking, too?"

On the cell the line went silent and there was nothing for what seems like an eternity, then Gunn's choked voice came across. "Jesus.Spike that's my bro. Fuck it's Angel."

"Talking to my bro' Charlie...wanna say hi to him Sean?" Spike grinned. "He's my best friend, peaches."

Sean smiled and shrugged. "Sure why not, here." He held his hand out for the phone taking it from Spike. Bringing the phone to his ear tentatively he whispered. "Hello."

"JESUS!! Sorry.sorry. Hey, man nice to meet you I mean talk to you.on the phone. Oh, fuck that was lame. Never mind.yo I'm Spikes bro, best bud Gunn."

Sean chuckled. "Hello Gunn I'm Sean...I'm Spike's new pet project, he's taking care of me."

"Sean huh? Irish still then?"

Sean's eyebrow rose.

"SHIT! Yeah, I know woman. I mean so you're Irish then?"

"Yes, I'm Irish."

Gunn grinned. "Do you have a thing for blonde hair and blue eyes, too?"

Sean's other eyebrow rose asking slowly. "I suppose."

"For the love of god I swear they got them some sick sense of humor. Listen man I was just talking to Spike and I'm thinkin' about coming to check up on him. He went and disappeared on us. And he's like a member of our family." Gunn laughed softly.

"Oh, well of course any friend of Spike's. Why don't you do that. I have room here. Whenever you want I paint at home so work at home."

Gunn whooped. "All right man you're the bomb. We will I'll set it up and let Spike know. So thanks for talking at me."

"No problem Gunn you seem cool."

Smiling on the other end Gunn fondly chuckled. "Yo, your cool to man.way cool. Sean?"

"Yeah?"

"It was nice to hear your voice man."

"It was nice to talk with it, Gunn. Here's Spike." Sean chuckled handing the phone back. "Nice friend."

Spike rolled his eyes as he took the phone from Sean. "Yeah, he's a bit of a sodding pain in the arse sometimes." Spike patted the rock. " Have a seat, peaches. Be done in a sec. Hey, Charlie man what did you say to Sean? His eyebrows were stuck in his hairline for a couple of seconds, pet."

Gunn whispered. "Slipped up once---all right? Shoot me. But he sounds just like him. I got all caught up. But I got myself invited man so.nah!" The sound of a raspberry came over the line loud clearly followed by a slap. "Oww! Well woman I want to see him. So I'm thinkin' not tomorrow but the next day give the brown eyed Irish brother a chance to recoup sound cool to you?"

Sighing Spike's lips twitched. "Sure no problem, Charlie. Is Blue and Lexi coming with you, luv?"

"Just me and the lady of the house. Lexi is in New Jersey big demon gang causing havoc so she got a call. She took Mr. Worthless with her, too. But never fear duster is hanging on my coat hanger."

"Good. I'd have had to kick that bloody bozo's arse if he hurt Betsy. Could you bring her to me when you come up? I'm thinking I might be getting rid of the jacket I was wearing." Spike glanced over at Sean and smiled.

Gunn rolled his eyes. "Okay, Betsy will make the trip. See you soon man. God I hate teleportation. But it'll be worth it. Take care of him man he's important."

"I know...I know, Charlie. Give Blue a kiss for me." Spike smirked knowing what 'Blue' would say about that. "Take care." He sighed and flipped the phone off, then turned to Sean. "So how you feeling, luv? Better?"

Sean who had been dipping one foot in the water nodded looking out over the water. "Yeah. Didn't sleep long according to the clock, but it was...'peaceful'."

"That's good ain't it, pet." Spike scooted closer leaning against Sean's broad shoulder. "You had me bloody worried there for a bit. Thought I'd have to be calling Syd."

Moving his arm around Spike and pulling his head into the crook of his neck Sean kissed the top of his head. "Don't worry about me, okay. Just need to rest more and relax. But that's what I got you here for. You'll keep me grounded. Find ways to distract me from the bad stuff."

"Is that what I did?" Spike chuckled as he turned his head and kissed Sean's throat. "I thought I was letting you molest me?" He raised an eyebrow. "Not that I don't bloody well like it---I do, pet." He purred as he kissed Sean's pulse again snuggling into his warmth.

Sean laughed running his fingers through Spike's hair. "You are, but molesting is good---keeps me distracted doesn't it?"

"Suppose it might, luv." Spike growled softly at the feel of Sean's fingers in his hair. "So, peaches..."

"Let's go inside don't want to get you or me sick by jumping you out here." Sean stood holding out his hand. "Come on."

Spike took Sean's hand and let himself be pulled to his feet. "Whatever you say, pet." His eyes sparkl- ed as he leaned in kissing Sean deeply as he strok- ed his back.

Laughing Sean started walking backwards. "What- ever I say." He turned back around when they reached the deck, but didn't let Spike's hand go--- not even as they climb the stairs of the deck and went inside---it was only when they reached the living room did Sean let go. Only then so he could slowly pull the robe off Spike's shoulders.

"I want to look at you."

Spike purred softly as the robe slid to the floor pooling around his ankles. "Sean..." he shivered as he felt his cock twitch to life under that dark, molten gaze.

"Yes?" Sean asked as he ran his fingertips along Spike's shoulders and up his neck slowly.

"God, I want you so bloody much..." Spike shiver- ed as Sean's fingers caressed his throat and he found himself throwing his head back. Baring his throat to Sean's gaze as if he were begging for what Sean couldn't possibly give him. "Want to feel you inside me..." he moaned.

"We'll get there." Sean whispered as his fingers grazed over a scar that almost---if he were to investigate further---looked like a very intricate bite mark. Sean ran the pads of his fingers over it softly. "Will, where did you get this?"

"Hmmm...?" Spike sighed and shivered as Sean's fingers caressed the mark. Angel's mark. "My...my lover..." he whimpered.

"He bit you?" Sean asked as he moved closer his hot breath caressing over Spike's skin.

"Yesss..." Spike hissed, "...the night...we met..." he whimpered as Sean's warm breath caressed the scar. "He marked me as his..."

"Jesus, Will." Sean's breath got closer and his fingers moved away. "That's kind of hot... disturbing in a way, but hot. Can I? I mean can I.?" Sean's voice trailed off not knowing exactly how to ask for what he wanted to do. He wasn't even sure yet, but he knew it was something.

Spike stretched his neck and let his eyes flutter shut. "Yes...god yes...just do it, peaches." Then he growled deep in his chest knowing if he opened his eyes they would be gold.

Sean nodded opening his mouth, his hot breath drifting across Spike's cool skin. Always cool, Sean thought, but nice. He trailed his tongue along Spike's skin---once then twice---the salt tang enflaming him. The taste of Spike's skin already driving him wild, then he grazed his teeth very lightly over the bite mark.

Throwing his head back Spike let out a keening cry as Sean's teeth grazed the mark---the mark that Angel had given him long ago. His arms tightened around Sean as his fingers clawed wildly at his smooth back. "Godgodgod..." he gasped.

Sean took that as a good sign---well that and his cock which was currently as hard as granite. So he bit again this time a bit harder, dragging his teeth.

Back bowing Spike thrust his hips forward. He could feel Sean's cock---as hard as his own---brush against his heaving belly. It was almost too much. The wail turned into a string of garbled words rising in pitch.

One last bite, then Sean started lowering Spike down until he was leaning against the couch and he was in between his legs. He looked Spike over from head to toe while his hand ghosted over his body. "You're so pretty.so perfect. Never seen anything like you."

Spike growled softly. "Never? Not even in your dreams?" His hips surged upward his muscles flexing as his fingers dug into the butter soft leather of the sofa.

Sean's eyes got a far away look, then it vanished and his fingers stroked Spike's lips as his other hand ran over his nipples. "Never seen this face. I would remember this face. I would remember your eyes."

A soft groan escaped Spike as Sean's fingertips grazed his nipples. "Not the face?" He whimpered. "What about the body?" He writhed beneath Sean's warmth his thighs parting further as he lifted his legs wrapping them around Sean's waist.

For a long time Sean was quiet then finally he ran his hand up Spike's cock and whispered. "Looks familiar.maybe just a little."

Spike clenched his teeth hissing as Sean's fingers traced along his cock. "God!" He gasped. "Hhh... how? How does it...bloody Christ...tell me what you want. Anything...I can take it. Take it for you, peaches. Always for you."

"I just want to touch you. I just want you to make more of those sounds for me. I just want to slide inside you, fuck you.oh god help me I want to use you. But that's to wrong.it's so wrong. I can't help it though I look at you and I want to do these things. I want to touch you, look at you, put you on display, fuck you, make you cry out for me, use you, I want to do everything. I want to have everything, take everything. I want it to be all mine. But no normal man does these things. Who does those things, Will?"

Spike's eyes fluttered open and he smiled. "A man who wants to possess someone completely mind, body, and soul..." he whispered, "...and I want that, luv. I want to be yours completely...I want to be your beautiful whore..."

Sean's eyes dilated going completely black and his finger slid down to the indentation of Spike's entrance. He opened his mouth several times as his finger just pushed in almost breaking through, then pulled out but he couldn't quite do it. He closed his eyes and his throat convulsed with the effort to maintain control.

Then suddenly his voice called out in the deep silence---heavy with passion. "Say that again."

"Yours..." Spike moaned, then whimpered as Sean's fingers pulled away. "Always yours completely...you're beautiful whore..."

"Oh god yeahhh..." Sean breathed out as he spread his arms using them to force Spike's legs wider, his fingers probing and pushing deep into Spike's hole until he was preparing him as fast as he could. His cock nudged and pushed against his thrusting fingers---teasing and also awaiting.

Whimpering Spike pushed back on Sean's probing fingers. "Yes...oh, bloody hell...please, Sean!!!" Spike wailed and writhed as he pulled his legs up until his knees are almost on his shoulders. "Please...please...fuck me, luv..."

"Want me to fuck you?" Sean asked as he pulled his fingers out leaving Spike empty and bereft as his cock stayed just an inch away from entering him. His eyes though were boring into Spike as if trying to wrench his soul along with his heart out just for him.

'Yesss!!" Spike wailed as he writhed against the sofa. "Please...please...want you inside me. Want your cock inside me...pinning me like a butterfly to a board...bloody Christ!"

"Butterfly to a board I like that." Sean replied as he moved forward laying an arm on each side of Spike's head as he slowly pushed forward enough to graze his cock over Spike's twitching hole. "But aren't whores slaves to their Masters wants and needs? Or at least whoever is paying them. Don't they have to like and want everything the person controlling them wants?"

"Yes..." Spike whimpers, "...yes...please...master." He moaned and writhed trying to push his hips back so he can capture what he wanted. "I'll do anything...anything that you want me, too."

"You're already doing everything I want you to baby. Daddy just wants to play." Sean whispered softly, then he pushed forward and started to sink inside the silky coolness. "Feel so good my sweet baby, my beautiful precious whore. God, I want you. Want to devour you. So tight, you're so sweet and so tight."

Crying out Spike's back bowed as Sean sank into him. He felt like he was being consumed by Sean's body, enfolded in a heat he hadn't possessed in close to two hundred years. A gurgling noise rose in his chest as he was slowly impaled on the thick, perfectly sculpted cock.

"Home..." he gasped, "...oh sweet bloody Jesus...so fucking big...feel so full..." he whimpered biting down on his lower lip.

"You're going to give me an ego you know." Sean pulled back gripping the leather couch for support, then pushed back in slowly.

"Uhhh...please...oh, bloody fuck all..." Spike growled, "...deserve...ego...one to match...oh, fuck...the size of your cock..." His back bowed and he pushed back into Sean's thrust.

"Aww...that's just so sweet." Sean purred out, then he licked a path up Spike's throat to his ear and whispered. "Going to fuck you so good for it, too." Then he grabbed Spike's face angled his hips starting to thrust, hitting Spike's sweet spot each time.

Spike stared up into Sean's eyes as he began thrust- ing his hips. His body began trembling and he twisted as that hardness inside him not only stretched, but pounded into his prostate. He tried to fight Sean's grip, but he couldn't. His eyes went wide and dilated until they were two sapphire ringed black sparkling orbs. He snarled, whined, and then final screamed as his hips twisted into Sean's thrusts, his fingers clawing wildly at the leather.

"That's it baby give it all to me. Give yourself to me."

He had no idea what Sean wanted, but he couldn't help the sounds that rolled from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. Growling like a wild animal Spike wrapped his legs around Sean's waist again-- -his heels resting in the sweet hollow just above his ass and he pulled. He pulled Sean closer, tighter, and roughly into him. At the same time his back bowed and he screamed in need.

His cock without one squeeze or stroke exploded sending a shower of pearly cum across his heaving belly.

Seeing that Sean pumped harder, deeper engulfing Spike's mouth in a fierce kiss. As he pounded and thrust he knew he wouldn't be far behind now. Especially after seeing Spike come for him, giving him what he wanted without even being express- ively told. It was like he knew somehow and that turned Sean on beyond belief. When he felt his orgasm ride high on his heels he bit gently down on Spike's tongue then released it moaning and crying out into Spike's mouth.

Spike growled as Sean bit down on his tongue spurting his seed like molten lava into Spike's clutching ass. The rich, thick, sweetness seep into his mouth and Spike snarled his chest vibrating as he fought the beast deep inside him. Moaning he slid his tongue inside Sean's warm mouth sharing his blood instinctually.

Moaning Sean slowly pulled back wiping his mouth and there was blood on his fingers. For whatever reason unbeknownst to him he held up his bloody fingers whispering. "Blood is the life." And then he sucked his fingers into his mouth his eyelids fluttering as he tasted and swallowed.

Eyes growing wide Spike licked his own blood stained lips his cock surging back to life. "Oh, sweet Mary..." he moaned as he closed his eyes just before they flashed gold.

Sean opened his eyes and looked down in wonder. "God, how do you do that. Already so hard again. Is it for me?"

Spike whimpered softly. "Yes...for you, peaches."

"Tell me what to do? Tell me what you want me to do to make you happy."

"Anything, pet..." Spike's peered from beneath his lashes. "Being here with you makes me happy. Touch me...suck me...beat me...whatever you want is what makes me happy. I'm your whore, luv."

"You forgot one thing in that though. Figured for sure it would be in there somewhere." Sean said as he sat up and purposely turned over in such a way that his ass was clearly visible to Spike's gaze.

Spike's brow shot up as he licked his lips. "That's a gorgeous bum you have there mate, but..." he inclined his head towards the bedroom, "...don't want to hurt you, pet. We need some room to maneuver and some lube." He sat up wincing at the tenderness in his own ass. "So, luv...shall we take this to the bedroom?"

Sean stood grinning then walked backward towards the hall. "If you can catch me." He turned and hobbled as fast as he could to the bedroom.

Laughing Spike strolled after Sean. "Bloody hell you're far to fast for me, mate! You must be wearing Hermes winged sandals!" When he reached the bedroom he raised a brow at Sean and grinned. "Can you fly that sweet ass of yours up on that bed while I go find the lube, peaches?"

Reaching out Sean cuffed Spike's head as he passed him. "Idgit." Then he watched Spike disappear into the bathroom.

He was scared and a bit nervous, more than he was letting on. He couldn't say why he did what he did or why on earth he even suggested it. He wouldn't have entertained this thought two days ago. But now, now he wants to, he really does. Sean hobbl- ed up his steps then looked over the bed. His fingers caressing the sheets he thinks about how to lay. He didn't want to appear too scared or freaked and he didn't want to be a porn star either.

First he started by lying on his back staring up at the mirror, then he decided that was to stiff. Then he moved to his side, but that just made him think of a doctor's office and he thought of Syd---that just wouldn't do. So he rolled to his stomach.

He was comfortable this way so he just spread his legs the tinniest bit and lifted one knee not enough to be slutty or obvious, but enough to illustrate he's aware of the things to come. He tucked his pillow under his arms and laid his head at an angle so his body was curved and just waited.

Either this would look good or it wouldn't. He was hoping it would.

As he stepped from the bathroom lube in hand Spike opened his mouth as he raised his head. Whatever was about to come out of his mouth never made it.

He found himself unable to move and he was quite sure if he were human that he would have been unable to breathe. Sean was lying spread out just enough to tantalize him. His arms were wrapped around one of the pillows, his face burrowed in the smooth silk. He was laying on his stomach the long line of his back ending in the most perfect ass Spike had ever witnessed.

Rounded and well muscled leading into a pair of long muscled legs. What made him take pause though was the dip. The hollow at the base of his spine above the upward swell of that perfect ass.

Spike stepped closer to the bed and leaned in from the side of the bed Sean wasn't facing and placed a kiss in that valley of silken flesh. As he pulled back he smiled to himself his eyes tracing the intricate black lines against that soft hollow of paleness that was covered with soft pale downy hair.

Peach fuzz, he thought, as he leaned down and traced those lines with his tongue.

Sean's breath hitched and he gripped the pillow harder. No one has ever paid his tattoo any mind. So now to have someone licking it almost lovingly and adoringly was almost too much to bear. He smiled and whispered afraid to break the mood.

"You like the tattoo then?"

Lifting his head Spike licked his lips one dark brow crinkled in amusement. "It's beautiful... gryphon isn't it, pet?" He pulled himself up on the bed and stretched out next to Sean until his face was inches from Sean's.

Eyes glittering with a frisky light Spike's hand trailed from the back of Sean's neck to the base of his spine. "Tattoos are very sensual..." Spike whispered, "...in some cultures they're used to mark a boy's passage from childhood to manhood. It's a priceless work of art, peaches." As his fingers played along the smooth hollow he leaned in placing a soft kiss on Sean's shoulder.

Sean looked into Spike's eyes. Into the eyes that he feels he could drown in and he nodded. "Yes, it's a gryphon. Found it in a book and I fell in love with it. I think it suits me. Gryphons are powerful, regal, and proud. For some reason those were qualities I could respect even if they were mythical. Syd likes that it's on my lower back he said either there or below my shoulder."

Spike pushed up on his elbows a frown forming between his brows, and then it vanished just as quickly as it appeared---replaced with a smile.

"You sure you want to bloody well do this? I'll understand if you change your mind."

Sean took a deep breath, then reached his hand out and stroked down Spike's jaw. "I'm sure so unless you don't want to do this for some reason come show me what it's like."

Chuckling Spike grabbed Sean's hand placing a kiss on his knuckles. "I won't lie, luv. First time isn't easy and there's a bit of pain, but I promise I'll be as gentle as I bloody well can be."

"I trust you Will." Sean answered. then he brought Spike's hand to the curve of his ass. "I trust you."

Spike squeezed the firm flesh beneath his hand, then leaned in claiming Sean's mouth with a deep kiss. Pulling back he smiled down at Sean, then whispered softly. "I trust you too, peaches."

Grabbing two pillows Spike crawled down to the foot of the bed taking another look at Sean's lean muscled backside. "Okay now, luv. I need you to lift your hips."

Sean complied lifting his hips off of the bed.

Tucking the pillows beneath Sean's stomach he stroked his spine. "Okay now, luv. Get comfortable---okay?" He  pats Sean's ass until he lowers his hips onto the pillow. Taking a deep breath to calm himself Spike's hands stroked down over the curve of Sean's ass and down the back of his thighs. Gently he pushed Sean's thighs apart until he has enough room to kneel there.

"You okay?" He's so fucking nervous it ain't bloody funny. He can't believe he's here in this moment. Angel had always found a way to avoid this, but he hadn't cared---not really.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sean murmured into the pillow taking calming breathes and just relaxing his body as much as possible.

Opening the lube Spike reached out stroking the small of Sean's back. "Now I need you to spread your legs as far as you can, luv. And just breath--- okay?" Spike tipped the bottle of lube and spoke softly. "This might be a bit cool." Inhaling deeply Spike watched as the clear liquid drizzled out and down the crease of Sean's ass.

Sean moaned as he spread his legs. The lube was cold, but slick as it dripped down. It sort of added a sexual charge to the spreading of his legs. He felt like an offering.

Watching for any hesitance Spike was pleased to hear Sean's soft moan. This was like a dream come true, he thought. Closing the lube he tossed it to the side then stretched out between Sean's thighs.

"That's my beautiful Irishman..." Spike whispered, "...now let's see if I can make this bloody pleasurable for you, peaches."

Running his thumbs along Sean's crease he spread him open. His thumbs caressed the delicate skin spreading the lube carefully until he reached the tight pink pucker hidden away. His finger slid down and began circling the tight opening as his other hand---slick with lube---reached beneath to encircle Sean's cock.

"How's that feel, pet?" Spike asked as he pressed against Sean's opening while stroking his cock.

"Not bad...good...don't stop I promise I'm fine." Sean whispered as he tried to stay as still and as relaxed as possible.

Slowly Spike pressed one finger against Sean's opening until the muscle began to relax. Bit by bit he worked his finger through the tight ring of muscle until half his finger was buried in that tight heat and he caught himself moaning. Just the thought of that tight warmth engulfing his cock caused it to twitch.

"There you go now, luv. Let's try this out, then tell me if you want more." Slowly Spike began to pump his finger and with each inward stroke he pushed more in.

It felt weird to Sean a finger where he thought a finger shouldn't be. But it didn't however feel bad either. It hurt but only a bit. He spread his legs a little more breathing evenly. He waited until he was used to it then he spoke.

"More."

"Good...let's try a bloody bit more then." Spike pulled back and then pressed a second finger to the first. Gently he worked the muscle until two fingers were buried in Sean's tightness. "Okay I'm going to move now." Slowly he began to pump and twist his fingers stretching Sean open.

Sean hissed, but only once, then he threaded his sheet around his fingers and  relaxed.

"Talk to me."

Smiling Spike made a purring sound in the back of his throat. "There now, peaches. Have I told you how beautiful you are too me?" He continued pumping his fingers in and out while he stroked Sean's cock.

"So bloody perfect." He leaned in and kissed the dip in his back. "You know it's about to get better, pet." Pushing in he crooked his finger and stroked gently across that spot inside that was magic.

Sean's back arched upward and he moaned deep in his throat. "Oh, god what was that?"

A soft chuckle escaped Spike. "That luv is your prostate. Felt good---did it now?" He pushed into that tight warmth again crooking his finger and brushing across the tiny nub again.

Sean's fingers spread nearly tearing the sheet and he moaned brokenly. "Oh, god.yes it did."

"Good lovely Irishman...would you like more?" Spike pulled back pressing a third finger to Sean's hungry opening. "Tell me how it feels, luv. Tell Will how his fingers feel buried in that sweet, hot, tight ass..."

Sean moaned raggedly and he tried to concentrate enough to talk. God was this how his lovers felt when he told them to talk? He gathered his wits enough to speak and spit out between moans and writhing.

"Please more.please. Your fingers are so long and strong and they fill me and god when you touch me...the... there...oh, shit Will please...oh, god. I never thought...I never."

"Oh, yes...my sweet dark-eyed Irishman. Feels good does it, pet?" Spike continued thrusting his entwined fingers deep into Sean's tight lube-slicked heat. "Talk to me, peaches. Do you want more? Do you want something harder? Thicker?" Spike squeezed Sean's cock roughly. "Do you want to scream for me?"

"Oh, god yes Will. I want to.I want to. Please, please I want you." Sean moaned out as he pressed back on Spike's fingers.

Chuckling Spike pulled his fingers free of Sean's ass, then sat up on his knees. "As you wish, luv. Up on your knees and elbows."

Sean moved to his hands and knees trying to keep his nerves and excitement to a minimum. He didn't want to screw this up but he wanted to feel Spike. He never thought it could feel like it did. That the thought of something else much more personal has him shaking with anticipation.

Watching Sean draw himself up on his knees Spike noticed the trembling. He reached out stroking Sean's spine gently. "Hush now, peaches. No need to be nervous you're doing fine." Spike gripped Sean's trembling hips and pushed forward position- ing the head of his cock. "Now breathe and relax, luv." He slowly pushed forward as he whispered. "Tell me how it feels my dark-eyed Irish angel."

Sean's voice rose in a wail of faint pain, but more pleasure as Spike filled him slowly. It crackled off and Sean had to clench his eyes shut to keep from crying with the joy of it.

He'd never felt so alive or whole. It was like this was filling a void he never thought he had. Like it was completing a circle he'd never known was only half drawn. When his voice came back to him he whispered.

"Feels good, feels so good. Never felt anything like this. Please don't stop."

"Don't bloody well plan, too..." Spike hissed as he finally found himself seated deep in Sean's silken tightness. "Now Sean are you ready, luv? Time for the real thing."

"Yes, god.fuck yes, Will. Move damn it.move." Sean desperately begged. He wouldn't know if he hated it if the boy didn't start moving, Sean thought, and he really wanted him to move.

Laughing Spike pulled back, then pushed forward slowly. He groaned at the exquisite friction rippling over his cock. "God...yes luv...so fucking tight...so hot..." Spike began to speed up as he thrust into Sean's tightness. "Talk to me, pet. Yes, pet...feels so good...thrusting inside that beautiful ass."

"Shit, fuck...god Will oh my god." Sean exclaimed as he reached back trying to get more---some how, some way.

Spike leaned over Sean's back whispering in his ear softly as he encircled Sean's chest with his arm. "Set up my Irish angel...up on your knees...sit back in daddy's lap." Spike then pulled back bringing Sean with him.

Sean's arms moved back to encircle Spike's neck tightening once he was settled in his lap. He grinned to himself rolling his neck to kiss and lick Spike's mouth, then he whispered as he slowly pulled up Spike's cock until it was just barely inside him.

"Want to be the Daddy now do you?"

"Maybe, pet..." Spike snuggled his face into Sean's shoulder. "You have a problem?" He pushed his hips up as his hands moved up Sean's chest to tweak his nipples.

Moaning Sean pushed down Spike sinking deeper inside him. "No problem.definitely no problem."

Chuckling Spike ran his fingers down to where Sean's cock laid against his stomach. He curled his fingers around Sean's erection and began pumping.

"So my Irish angel can you ride daddy's cock?"

Sean chuckled nodding and rose up. "Something about this is dirty.wrong and I do believe you're taking advantage of it, William. But I'm going to let you because it's making me want you more." Then he lowered and quickly rose back up riding Spike's cock.

Moaning Spike's eyes rolled back in his head. Partially in frustration, but mainly because right now his cock was in the tightest place it had ever been and he liked it.

"Now, luv...wouldn't do that..." he groaned as Sean's ass tightened around his aching cock.

Sean laid his head back on Spike's shoulder moving faster, his neck arching, and his head turning on Spike's shoulder.

"Yes...that feels great..." Spike panted softly turning his head and licked Sean's neck. "How's it bloody well feel, luv? My cock inside you?"

Looking deep into Spike's eyes Sean tilted his hips and angled causing Spike to go deeper---farther. "Feels good. I feel full.so full. You feel so good inside me.so hard.I can feel how you want me. Do you like it?"

"Course I do, peaches." Spike kissed Sean softly on the cheek. "You're tight...so fucking tight...like a velvet tunnel. You're so warm and beautiful...so bloody fucking wanton..." he growled softly as he squeezed Sean's cock harder stroking it faster.

"Oh shit.oh god won't.can't hold out if you do that much longer, Will. Too good.it's all too good."

Spike licked Sean's neck again reaching up with his free hand to tease his nipples. "Then don't my dark-eyed Irish angel...come for me, luv."

"Willl...!!" Sean screamed as he came hard spilling over Spike's hand, his muscles clenching Spike for all they were worth.

"Bloody hell!!" Spike screamed as Sean's ass bore down clenching and with a final up thrust he came hard. His body shook and quivered as did the one in his arms. "God, so bloody beautiful, peaches... never thought it could be that hot..." Spike moaned his arm tightening around Sean's waist as he pump- ed the last of Sean's orgasm from his softening cock.

Sean tired and satiated fell to the bed Spike slipp- ing from his body. He smiled into the covers, then rolled to his back wiping his brow. His grin widen- ed as his eyes drifted shut in bliss.

Dropping down next to Sean with a laugh Spike shook his head in disbelief to himself. "Hey, peaches..." he drew in an unneeded breath, "...how do you feel? Didn't hurt you did I?"

Sean elbowed Spike and chuckled. "Quit babying me.I'm fine Will. I feel fine.I am fine." Sean's eyes opened as he smiled at Spike, then he looked up and his world crashed. From happy to messed up beyond human recognition in seconds.

He sees himself, but there was something lacking.

Spike.

Spike wasn't in the mirror.

He swallowed---his throat suddenly very dry---as he tried to think. He had to think.

Last night.

Last night he had looked to and---flashes popped into his mind. He had saw himself. Spike was curled up on him, but he had only seen `himself'.

He sat up trying to make it seem normal. "I'm going to shower...just relax." He slid off the bed as quick as he could, but slow enough so it didn't look like he was running. He needed to get away. far, far away.

Sitting up Spike started to call out when he smelt it---fear and panic. His gaze locked on Sean and he didn't get it for a split second. Looking up he swallowed hard when his eyes focused on the mirror.

"Sodding hell..." he hissed, then turned back to Sean sliding off the bed, "Sean please...I can explain..."

"Explain what baby? Nothing to explain I'll be back soon." Sean started to hobble as freaking fast as he could. Getting to his door he ripped it open and moved out into the hall slamming it shut behind him. He looked for anything and everything he could---shoving shit in front of the door, then pushed a plant stand against the door.

He turned hobbling as fast as he could down the hall. He had to get out, he thought, or grab something sharp. How can someone `not' be in a mirror this was some messed up sci-fi crap and he just wanted to act like it had never happened.

***

Spike heard the clatter and the scent of fear grew. "Bloody fucking mirrors!"  He stormed to the door and slammed it open so hard he tore it off its hinges. Pushing through the door he screamed.

"Sean! Dammit Sean! I know that you know! I swear, peaches I won't hurt you...not bad, luv. Shit that's not what I meant.I'm not evil or nothing!" He headed down the hall sniffing the air.

***

Sean swore as he opened his kitchen drawers throwing shit out, looking for anything sharp, sharp, or sharp. He finally found a butcher knife and turned creeping around the corner. He planned on bolting for the door or stabbing Spike---one of the two.

***

Following Sean's scent---not that he had too with all the bloody ruckus---Spike stepped around the door. His eyes widened in shock at the wild terri- fied dark eyes that meet his. Sean backed up as Spike stepped forward with his hands lifted.

"Sean, luv...it's okay I bloody swear I ain't going to hurt you." His gaze lowered for a second to focus on the huge butcher's knife. "I swear Sean...it's okay just put the knife down and let's talk. Like normal blokes..."

"BUT YOU'RE NOT A NORMAL BLOKE, WILL!" Sean shrieked knowing it was true. "Just stay away from me.stay away.don't come near me."

"Fine be like that you bloody screaming Mimi!" Spike swallowed hard fighting the urge to break down. "Let's just conveniently forget that less than ten sodding minutes ago I was making love to you!" Spike threw up his arms turning his back. "Go ahead! You want to kill my 'not normal' arse, then just do it. Won't stop you..." his voice cracked on the last word.

Sean was at war with himself. His knife lowered a fraction, then he clenched his eyes shut and raised it up. Again it lowered his body started to shake.

He couldn't trust Spike now---he just can't. How can he? God, he was clearly not human. He couldn't' see him in a mirror. He moved forward his knife raised and he asked quietly. "What are you?"

Taking a deep breath Spike's shoulders slumped. "I'm a vampire, mate." He turned his sharp blue eyes glittering with unshed tears.

The knife fell from Sean's fingers and he nodded swallowing hard as he looked down at it. "Then that won't help me much."

Suddenly Sean bolted---as fast as he possibly could---to the door. Get outside, he thought, get in the sun---get outside, get in the sun.

Sun allergy my fat ass his mind screamed. How damn stupid could he have been?

Spike's gaze darted to the front door and he snarled in frustration. "Dammit Sean! You are naked, you have a broken ankle, and I swear...I WILL NOT HURT YOU!!" He darted across the room grabbing Sean's arm.

Instantly Sean jumped, then screamed when his ankle jarred a bit he tried to tug his arm away and got no where fast. He looked at Spike's hand on his arm then tugged harder. When that didn't work he tried both hands tugging and failing again. His face took on a look of panic and he almost conversationally said.

"So super strength then?"

Rolling his eyes Spike snorted. "Of course I do, peaches. I don't want to hurt you. Please..." His eyes softened, "...if I had you would have already been dead, luv."

"Stalking, hunting, mind games all this very possible. Just wonder how you found me like in the middle of no where and what it is about me you want to like suck out."

Throwing his hands in the air Spike walked away with a snort. "I wasn't bloody hunting you...it was an accident. And I don't suck anything out of anyone anymore. I don't feed on humans...haven't for a bit. I just drink animal blood usually from the butcher. Add a bit of wheat bix and microwave it ain't half bad."

Sean's eyebrows rose as he glanced over at Spike. "Okay so say this is true. Why me then? Why didn't you just go away after you hit me. Clearly wouldn't go to jail or anything. You could break the bars get away. Why did you stay.then why did you stay to help me? Take care of a human? Why did you do all that? Then why did you sleep with me? I'm going to die someday clearly and you're also clearly not going to. So I find myself with lots of questions and no answers. I'm more than a little lost. You just basically made my Anne Rice-fantasy come to life. Although you can clearly have sex so that myth is a little dead now."

Spike refused to look at Sean though the Anne Rice comment caused him to snort. "Knew I should have never went to San Francisco. How was I supposed to know that she'd use my joke as a basis for her book? Bloody, bint. Should sue her bleedin' arse..." he moved into the kitchen grumbling to himself.

Opening the fridge he rooted for a beer and finally pulled one out and popped the top. Taking a deep pull Spike leaned against the door. "Can't tell him why..." he whispered.

Sean appeared in the door his eyes wide and his mouth agape. "She got Lestat from you? No, way she said it was her husband or some shit. You're lying."

Turning Spike snorted. "Look at me, peaches. Pale blonde...blue eyes...like she would have told the truth. Can you imagine her saying 'Yes, I based Lestat on a sexy British bloke I met in a bar. Oh, yeah he was a real life vampire.'  I had a few to many beers at a nice little bar back in the late sixties met this young writer and we talked... apparently too much." He took another deep pull off his beer. "Don't matter anyway, luv. What ever happened was in the past. I wish I could tell you why I stayed...you wouldn't believe me..."

"You're scared to tell me for some reason. Why?" Sean questioned.

Spike let out a sigh and walked to the table setting down. "You already ran once, pet. I don't want you to run again. You think it's easy living in your world...hiding what I am? But I would do it if...if I could really be sure of who you are."

"Who I am?" Sean walked closer to Spike. "I know who I am Spike. Sean Patrick Donahue that is who I am. No more, no less. I don't know who you think I am. Is this what all this is about? I remind you of someone." Sean's eyes got a far away expression, then they focused back and he nodded. "Doesn't matter. All of a sudden I feel tired again. I messed up my house so I'm going to clean up, then shower and go back to bed. You can stay. I trust you and what you say for some reason. But I need to compute this.all of this."

Nodding Spike swallowed hard. "Look...just go shower...go rest..." he stood and moved to where Sean stood. "I'll clean up...after all was my own bloody fault." He reached up his hand caressing Sean's cheek. "I'm sorry I scared you, peaches...I am..."

Sean couldn't help it, not really, when his head tipped into his hand wanting more of the cool touch. Cool, well damn that really should have kicked in. He sighed and kissed Spike's hand gently, then pulled away.

"It's okay---all right. Sorry I reacted like I did, but seriously. Finding out the guy you just let screw you is an undead creature of the night---a blood sucker. Not what I call the best news right away. I guess I shouldn't have freaked like I did." Sean turned heading out, but he stopped and turned back.

"So your teeth not Anne Rice either you can see their fangs where's yours?"

Chuckling Spike grinned. "Actually have two faces, pet. Ain't like Stoker's or Rice's vampires." Taking a deep breath Spike looked deep into Sean's eyes. "I'll show you, but you got to promise you won't wig out on me. Can you do that, peaches?"

Sean nodded. "I promise no running how much worse can it be. I mean really hit me---come on."

"You asked for it, luv." Spike lowered his head and took another deep breath then shook his head as he lifted it. His features shifted and changed, his eyes going gold and he growled softly. "So what do you think, luv."

Sean's eyes dilated wide---so wide there was no color left just blackness. For a while he said nothing, then he whispered.

"You want to know the weird thing?"

Spike frowned. "What is it, pet?"

"Strangely not freaked out at all." Sean responded, then shifted uncomfortably. "Nope.not at all. Going to.going to." Sean coughed turning and walked off. "Going to shower.yep shower. Thanks for showing me."

Face shifting back to human Spike finished off his beer. "Okay...you take care of yourself. I'll...I'll clean up okay." He turned away and wiped at his eyes. It wasn't surprising that Sean hadn't freaked out---not at all---not for a moment.

***

Sean hobbled into the bathroom turning on the water for the bathtub this time instead of the shower. He knew he'd said a shower, but he wanted a bath now.

He wanted to immerse himself in water so hot he could almost feel his skin melt. He wanted to have a hidden abyss from where he could beat off.

God, that face should have been horrifying, scary, and freaking disturbing beyond human belief.

But it had made him `hard'.

God, what was happening to him? Was he becoming some type of kinky sex freak?

Someone who was going to start having a blood fetish, an S&M, and latex habit? Was he going to start collecting snakes and using them in sex rituals? What was going to happen?

He didn't know but he knew what he wanted to do.

He wanted to run out there, make Spike vamp out again, and then bend him over the table and fuck him like that. That thought made him plug the tub and jump in faster, than shit being barely careful of his ankle. He was seriously thinking he needed therapy.

***

Carefully finishing putting the knives away Spike wandered back to his room and headed for the shower.

Turning on the water as hot as he could stand it he stood beneath the spray scrubbing until his pale skin was bright pink. His mind refused to shut off as he lathered and scrubbed furiously.

Finally rinsing he turned off the shower and wandered into the bedroom and dressed in a black tee and faded 501's.  Dropping on the bed he scrubbed his hair dry, then retrieved a bottle of blood from his cooler.

He knew he'd promised Gunn he wouldn't leave him, but maybe that wasn't the brightest thing he'd ever done. God, only knew what the poor kid was thinking. He'd smelled the sudden arousal Sean had experienced when he'd changed into game face.

Finishing off the bottle of blood he reached in the closet pulling out the jacket---Angel's jacket.

Wrapping it around himself he curled up on the bed reveling in the scent of his sire. "If there's anybody out there..." he whispered, "...I could use a bit of advice now." He closed his eyes and buried his face in the worn leather. "Need some help bloody soon, too."

~Part: 4~

As his eyes were beginning to drift shut Spike tightened his grip on the soft worn leather.

All he wanted was a sign---not a whole lot to ask in the big pic---and he was so fucking tired. Tired of losing so much and having the powers expect him to go on. It wasn't enough that he had went in search of a soul, that he had sacrificed his life to save the world by taking out the Hellmouth in Sunnydale, or that he had lost the only person who had ever truly loved him.

Tears rolled down his face as he inhaled the scent of leather, Cool Water, and the musky natural scent that still clung after twenty-five years. That bittersweet scent, the scent of his sire, of his best friend, his lover---Angel.

"God, I miss you, peaches." He whispered as his fingers tightened deeper into the leather.

That was when he felt it.

Sitting up swiping at his face Spike reached inside the coat's lining and his fingers brushed a flap--- one he hadn't noticed before. A pocket tucked away in the silk lining. With trembling fingers he reached inside the pocket and pulled out an envelope.

It wasn't just any envelope. It was a thick expensive marbled parchment and on one side--- written in Angel's hand---was his name. Not Spike, but the name that only Angel had ever called him.

Will.

Spike swallowed hard as he flipped it over and found the envelope was sealed with wax. In the shiny red wax was stamped the mark of Aurelius--- the sun surrounded by three stars. With shaking hands he carefully peeled open the seal and removed a thick sheet of matching parchment. Un- folding it his eyes filled with tears as he recognized Angel's handwriting once more and he began to read.

***

Dear Will,

First off I want you to know finding the exact parchment and envelope I wanted was a bitch. You owe me if I live.

Second off I want you to know why I'm writing this instead of just telling you. Lots of reasons actually. One which is the very real reality I may not survive our fight and you, you will. I want you to survive. I couldn't stand it if you didn't. I can suffer hell, heaven, or whatever the world deems fit for me, but only if you're still in it.

I know shut up poof.

But it's true. I've done so many things I regret Will- --so many. But one thing I will never regret is turning you, and falling in love with you. I signed away my Shanshu to get the Black Thorn to trust me. That one is just for you and I though to know. I'm thinking it won't count though---I signed it Angel. But you and I we know what my real name is---don't we?

So we'll see how that goes if I die. And if I do die, Will don't do anything stupid or harebrained. I will kick your ass if you try to follow me.

I hope you find this. I purposely didn't wear this jacket because I knew that if I died you would go hunting for something sentimental. So I placed the letter with it.

The locket though---that's just for you. Probably didn't think I would save it did you?

Frankly it was the only thing except the clothes on my back I took when I got my soul. Proof I can surprise you still.

But this letter is for more than rambling. I want you to know a few things. I want you to know I'm proud of you. I was never prouder of anyone like I was you; you're my childe, my boy, and my other half.

I want you to know that when you hurricaned back into my life after I thought I had lost you to the Hellmouth no matter what the look on my face may have said I was never so happy about anything. I want you to know I wish I would of told my friends when they were all whole and around about us.

I wish I wouldn't have hid.

Well Gunn knows, but I'm sure he would of appreciated another way of being told.

I want you to know that no one ever effected me like you did. Your voice, your touches, the way you said my name---even our fights. I want you to know how you complete me, how you saved me more ways than I can say.

I was in the dark so many times the faces in the shadows---I couldn't see them and just their figures were clear. But with you around the shadows went away and I saw everything clearly. With you I found me, with you I was made complete. With you I found my soul mate.

And finally but not last, I want you to know I love you. I love you William James Atherton and I have never loved `anyone' and I do mean `anyone' like I love you.

You make me laugh, cry, furious, but you make me and that's what matters you make me be something other than dead.

Wesley always wanted the Shanshu for me said I deserved to be alive, whole, and happy. But what he didn't understand, what he couldn't know was that I already was. As long as I had you I was alive, whole, and happy. You made me feel alive and that feeling was better than any heartbeat could ever be.

Will, if I Shanshu I believe more than anything that somehow I'll find you again. There is no happy life if you're not there. It doesn't matter what name they give me, what life---I'll still be incomplete. I'll find you, or you'll find me so don't give up. You're my boy; my beautiful boy and you're so strong, and better always better than I ever could be.

I have to go soon---I have to meet my son at the coffee shop. And don't ask. If I live I'll explain. ---if I don't then look up Connor Reilly and tell him who you are---just say you're my other boy. He'll understand after today. No matter how creeped out he may be. I plan to sneak in and listen to your poetry if I can find you.

Yes, I know what you're doing. Going out the way you came in it's your way and I wouldn't want it to change.

No matter what happens remember all the things I've said, forgive me for all things I failed at, and did.

And if I don't survive forgive me for that, too. Even heroes die. Know I love you, know I'll take you with me, and know I'll never forget you. You're going to be there---somehow or another as long as I exist you will, eternally.

Gráim thú,

Liam Frances O'Donnell

Angelus

Angel

***

Spike's vision blurred as tears of grief---held back for far too long---finally came. If he'd been human he might have lost all ability to breathe because even now his chest felt like it was being crushed.

Turning the envelope over Spike shook out the one thing Angel had spoke of that he couldn't believe. He had always figured that Darla had found it and destroyed it in a jealous rage as she often had.

He remembered once that she had found a small book of poems he had written for Angelus. She had beaten him within an inch of his unlife with a flogger and then made him burn the book in the fireplace.

He'd still been a fledgling and he had begged even pleaded with her, but it had only cost him more.

The cool metal dropped in his palm and he slowly opened his eyes. The locket was just as he remem- bered. Pure polished silver with a blue star sapphire set in the cover, Celtic braid work edged the oval face---though now it was worn smooth with handl-ing.

Carefully he opened it and a half-choked sob escaped him as his gaze fell on the small tintype inside.

He remembered this picture.

Angelus had it done on his first birthday. Darla had taken Drusilla for a little trip to the English country-side and left them to their own devices.

He inhaled trying to get the tears under control as he traced the forms. Angelus had worn his best that day a rich mink black suit with a crisp linen shirt and a silk waistcoat of deep midnight blue and gold. He'd insisted that William wear a soft gray suit with a blue silk waistcoat.

Together they had posed.

William sitting on a stool his hands folded in his lap. Angelus had stood behind him arms wrapped around his shoulders possessively.

Wiping his eyes Spike curled up on his side clutch- ing the letter in one hand and the locket in the other.

"God...it is you...you knew we'd find each other...you knew..."

***

Sean took his hand off his erection and just gave up---even with thoughts of Spike he just couldn't. He couldn't pretend his hand was the real thing.

Nothing was the real thing.

God, he was going to become addicted. No, correction he `was' addicted, he thought.

With a sigh he pulled the plug and carefully got out of the tub. He wrapped a towel around his waist and another around his head, and then stared into the cloudy mirror his hand brushing over it revealing his water-streaked reflection. He watched as the water drops trailed down the mirror.

God he felt lost, but not. He felt cold, but not. He felt, but he couldn't explain what it was that he felt.

***

After what seemed an eternity Spike pulled himself to his feet moving to his bag. Carefully he tucked the letter away and then he looped the locket over his head and around his neck. Stroking the cool metal---as he was sure that Angel had quite often done---he tucked the locket beneath his shirt and headed down the hall following Sean's scent to the bathroom. He stared at the door for a moment, then knocked softly.

His voice was thick with emotion as he called out. "Sean...are you there?"

"Yeah.just standing here come in." Sean answered never taking his eyes off the mirror.

Slowly Spike opened the door and a cloud of warm mist enveloped him. His gaze settled on Sean and he cleared his throat. "You know...had a friend once who used to say...if you can't be with the one you love...well love the one you're with. Personally I think that's a load of bloody crap."

Sean chuckled. "Do you? Why is that?"

Raising a brow Spike stepped closer his arm reach- ing around Sean his fingers moving along the damp mirror though there was no sign of his fingers to be seen. "Because I believe that the one I'm with is the one I love." He leaned in brushing his lips along Sean's throat. "Do you think it's possible to love someone though you just met them?"

Sean traced the path of Spike's fingers along the mirror. "I think it's possible yes."

"Then do you think maybe..." Spike sighed, "...that I love you?"

Sean turned finally looking at Spike. Spike was wearing a black tee shirt, blue jeans, and no shoes and his hair was damp and messy. He looked beautiful as always.

"Yes, I think you love me."

Spike smiled, then whispered. "Do you love me?"

Tiny wires started to connect and shoot inside Sean's brain. Feelings and thoughts that were starting to meld together. It comforted him, yet it also scared him. There was still something that told him that these were not his feelings, not his thoughts, and that Spike was not his. He smiled and leaned over kissing Spike's forehead.

"Yes.I think I do." Then he moved back frowning. "But it's the why that freaks me out. Why do you love me? Why do I love you?"

"Why ask why, pet?" Spike glanced up through dark lashes. "Sometimes it's just bloody well fated to be."

"Fate, destiny all things us humans don't bargain on. Not something we normal Joe's think about. As for why I asked.guess I asked because ever since you hit me my life is nothing but oddities and questions. Things I can't explain, but still feel neither the less. I feel as if a door opened inside me, but I have no idea what it's for, where it leads or what I'll find once I go in."

Raising a brow Spike stepped closer and brushed a kiss along Sean's lips. His eyes sparkled as he studied Sean's face. "Then let's find out together, peaches. Walk through that sodding door and find out what's on the other side."

"Sure why not what else can happen---right?"

"Yeah...who knows we might find something we've both lost." Spike reached up stroking his fingers through Sean's wet wildly mused hair. "By the way, luv...have I told you how bloody beautiful you are?"

"Yeah.you have, but I don't mind it. Tell me some more if you want. Have I told you how beautiful you are lately?" Sean grinned.

"Naw...not me, pet. You though...you have the face of an angel...at least what I suppose an angel would look like." Spike's hands drifted down to where Sean's towel tented out. "And that's one of your most beautiful parts..." he cupped Sean's cock through the thick cotton and squeezed.

Sean moaned his hands drifting to Spike's shoulders searching for a grip. "Well, as a man I find that... that...very flattering."

Spike chuckled. "Do you know what I want you to do with that beautiful piece of artwork, luv?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

Lifting one hand he grabbed one of Sean's wrists guiding him to the hall. "You really need me to tell you, luv?" He grinned as he licked his lips seductively.

Sean nodded as he lets himself be led. "Yeah.for some reason I'm finding a kinky pleasure in the fact I want you to tell me."

"A talker now are you, pet?" Spike tugged him down the hall and through the cracked bedroom door.

When they reached the bed Spike helped Sean up and grinned wide as he moved onto the mattress next to him. Leaning close he licked up Sean's throat to his ear and whispered softly.

"I want you to fuck me..." he nipped at Sean's ear lobe. "I want you to fill me, fuck me, and claim me, luv."

"Claim you." Sean whispered---his hand immediately going to the scar on Spike's neck and rubbing it. "Like the sound of that. Have to be naked first though don't you think?"

Sitting up Spike chuckled and yanked his shirt over his head tossing it to the floor. "Naked enough, yet?"

Sean smiled. "Just about there." His hand stroked down Spike's chest, then over his nipples rubbing and tweaking them.

Sliding off the bed Spike stood and slowly unbuttoned his jeans, then slithered out of them. With a soft growl he crawled back onto the bed and grinned.

"Naked enough now, pet?"

"That'll do come here." Sean took off his towels and threw them to the floor.

Lowering himself Spike crawled across the bed and into Sean's arms. "Now that you know about what I am..." he purred rubbing against Sean, "...do you understand why I like it rough? Won't break, luv."

"Makes a bit of sense now, but don't you worry you might break me.I am human after all." Sean laid down pulling Spike down on top of him and spread his legs on either side of his.

"I do...but I want you inside me..." Spike hissed lowering his mouth to one of Sean's nipples suckling at it, then nipping. "I want you to take me and use me...that's how I like it. Anything you ever dreamed of doing, but was afraid to do with anyone else."

Sean hummed his finger dipping down the crease of Spike's ass playing with the indentation.

"Anything?"

Throwing back his head Spike moaned and shivered.

"God yes...anything, pet."

"I do believe I was correct in thinking you're going to warp me---you know that?"

"You might have been, peaches." Spike moaned his back bowing. "Can't say for sure..."

Sean grabbed his cock nudging it against Spike's hole whispering. "Want it?"

Whimpering Spike squirmed. "Yes...yes...want it..."

"How bad?" Sean really loved this kink thing. He was amazed how one thing---one minute---could freak him out and the next he was cooler than crystal with it.

A shiver moved through Spike and he cried out softly. "Need it...want it bad...please..." Spike whined softly.

"Ohhh.I like that. Do that again. How bad do you want it baby?"

Spike growled and whimpered. His eyes dilating to the point of blackness. "Bad...please."

Sean shivered as he pushed inside Spike with one swift motion only stilling when he was completely seated inside. His own eyes were dilated his mouth twisted in a wordless scream. His hands shook, his fingers clutching at anything on Spike---any part. He hadn't thought it would be `so' damn tight. But it was .god it was.

Twisting his hips Spike let out a keening sound half pain, half pleasure and began trembling. "Godgodgod...pleaseee..."

"Yourrr...going tooo...kill meee..." Sean stuttered as he stroked his hands along Spike's ass slowly grinding his hips up into Spike. His cock moving inside Spike---twisting and thrusting.

Panting Spike tried to laugh, but it ended up a choked groan. "Bloody fuck all! Sean please don't stop...don't want you to stop...ever..." he whimpered his hands pressing against Sean's thighs as he leaned back, his cock jutting out as his hips quivered.

"Never said a word about stopping. I can't I'm addicted to you." Sean pushed harder and deeper into Spike, moving fast, then slow---always changing his pace and how hard he thrust.

Spike opened his mouth, but nothing came out other than a low-pitched wail. His chest heaved as he rode Sean's cock pushing back into each of Sean's thrusts. Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead and his chest in the dim light.

"So pretty, god you're so pretty. Harder baby, use me." Sean whispered.

Taking a deep unneeded breath Spike began twisting his hips in a figure eight as he pushed down. The friction was almost too much, but he wanted more. "God...Sean please..."

Sean flipped them over as fast as he could and he started to pump his hips---back fast, and then forward harder.

A howl rose from Spike, his hands clawing at the sheets, and his legs wrapped tightly around Sean's hips. "God help me...feels so fucking good...please...don't stop..."

"Not going to, wish I never had to stop. You feel so damn good. Never felt anything like this, ever. Ohhh god, you feel so good Will." Sean moaned and gasped. Grabbing Spike's hands he threaded his fingers with his as he pulled back, then started short fast thrusts hitting Spike's sweet spot each time.

His back arched up from the mattress, his fingers tightening in Sean's. He wailed and twisted with each thrust that abused his prostate. Fire shot through his pelvis and his ass tightened around Sean's cock.

"Oh, FUCK! Oh, god Will!" Sean screamed thrusting as hard and as fast as he could. He ground his pelvis harder into Spike's ass using his stomach to slide up his cock.

Spike's body began trembling beneath Sean's thrusts. His cock trapped between their bellies was on fire and he gasped in a mixture of agony and ecstasy.

"Sean.!" He screamed and twisted as his cock jerked, then exploded between them his back bowing with the intensity.

Sean shuddered as he gripped Spike as hard as he could Spike's muscles squeezing and draining the life out of his cock in a very good way. He came in hard sputtering streams collapsing atop Spike's body, lungs fighting for breathe.

The warm weight of Sean on him made Spike feel loved and safe. He whimpered wrapping his arms around Sean and stroked his back softly. The smell of musky arousal spent filled the air, but it reminded him of the past---of Angel holding him after sex. It reminded him of the man no one else knew. The one that growled like a grizzly if he tried to pull away too soon.

Spike swallowed hard squeezing his eyes shut and tried to focus on the here and now---not the past.

Sean's gaze settled on the locket dangling around Spike's throat and he started to finger it. "What are you thinking about?"

Blinking Spike focused on Sean then grinned. "About how you almost bloody well blew me off the bed, mate."

Still fingering the locket Sean grinned. "You need to stop that. I need to try to remain a normal guy. You keep this up and my ego is going to become bigger than I am." He shifted trying to open the locket. "This is pretty what do you have in it?"

Spike's eyes widened and he grabbed at Sean's hand. "Don't..." his voice cracked with emotion, "...you can't..."

"Why not?" Sean asked quietly confused, his nerves on edge, a red warning light flashing behind his eyes.

Swallowing Spike looked away. What was he supposed to say, he wondered?

Oh, gee Sean look at that you're a dead ringer for my undead lover who just happened to disappear at the same time you were born?

Oh, yeah and I believe you're him that you Shanshued. Shanshu? Oh, that's when you...

He sighed softly his hand gripping Sean's harder.

Sean's eyebrow rose and he just stared at the side of Spike's face for a long time before his expression softened and he released the locket. "Okay, baby keep your secret."

Turning back to Sean he opened his eyes and let out a soft breath. "I'm sorry, luv." He grabbed Sean's hand tightening his grip. "There's just some shite I ain't ready to share...it's not that I don't want to peaches...I just don't know how."

Sean stroked Spike's face with his other hand. "Shhh, it's okay, Will. You will in your own time or you won't. I really can't expect everything from you. I'm grateful for what you've given me and that's all I can ask for. You'll find most people can surprise you. I have plenty of time to surprise you still."

Tears welled up in Spike's eyes as he released Sean's hand and wrapped his arms around him. "God...Sean...thank you..." he burrowed his face into Sean's shoulder. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Angel's words, his voice, and it broke his heart that he didn't know what to do.

"Shhh, baby it's okay. Come on lets rest. Your friends are coming tomorrow so we should rest. Neither you or I have got proper rest and you don't want to be all ragged when they come do you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time..." Spike's muffled reply came as he clung to Sean. "Blue and Charlie have seen the worst of me...never seemed to sodding mind."

Sean kissed his hair. "Then do it for me, will you rest with me---for me?"

Snuggling into Sean Spike yawned wide, then whispered softly. "For you luv I'd move bleedin' mountains..."

"I'm sure you would. Want me to move?"

Spike yawned again and mumbled. "Want you to just hold me, peaches."

Wrapping his arms around Spike he closed his eyes. "Then that's what I'll do." He kissed Spike's throat, then he let his body drift off to sleep---safe and trusting in his vampire's arms.

***

Morning heralded loud clanking and crashing as Sean moved about the kitchen trying to get around without putting too much pressure on his ankle.

He was in the process of thawing and preparing food for dinner so that when Spike's guests arrived that they would have a meal to eat. Unfortunately he was nervous and he had no idea why.

His shirt was hanging over one of the kitchen chairs so he wouldn't stain it---nothing fancy---just a white ribbed tank top. A big apron covered the worn faded jeans he was sporting so that he wouldn't get anything on them either. Whatever else he might splatter on could just be scrubbed off. He was a neat freak, but still a guy. Sitting the homemade barbecue sauce to the side he started on the salad.

Stepping into the doorway of the kitchen Spike yawned wide and smiled as he scrubbed at his eyes. He'd awoken to an empty bed so the sight of Sean was more delicious than the scent of barbecue sauce.

Leaning in the doorway dressed only in faded black jeans, still damp from the shower, he quietly watched as Sean puttered about. Then Sean turned and Spike chuckled.

"Kiss the Cook?" He read the front of the apron.

Stepping closer he leaned in ignoring the expression on Sean's face. "Don't mind if I bloody do, luv." His lips claimed Sean's in a slow teasing kiss that tasted of mint and coffee.

Sean chuckled around the kiss, but didn't give it up until the need to breathe made him pull away.

"Good morning.well mid-afternoon---sleep good?"

"Yes...did just fine, luv. Always do when you're there." Spike smiled softly. "So what's up here? Didn't think you were much of a cook, peaches?"

"I can when the need calls for it. Figured didn't want to appear lazy or like an asshole to your guests. So barbecue chicken, corn on the cob, fresh green salad and potato salad---what do you think? Also made rolls."

Spike chuckled as he wandered to the kitchen table and dropped into one of the chairs in a loose sprawl. "Sound great, pet. Charlie's a bit of the barbecue boy...now Blue..." his voice halted as he frowned. "Sean...luv...about Charlie's wife Blue..." his brow furrowed, "...I don't just call her Blue for no reason."

Sean turned glancing at Spike. "Why do you call her Blue then?"

Leaning back on two legs Spike shook out a smoke and lit up. "Well, I don't know how she'll look when she gets here...but her natural look is anything but natural. Blue ain't exactly human, luv."

"Is she a vampire?"

"Well, not exactly..." Spike exhaled a cloud of blue gray smoke. "Blue...she's an ancient god."

"A...ancient...god?" Sean stuttered as the urge to set suddenly came over him, but it had nothing to do with loss of leg power---nope it didn't.

Spike's brow shot up as he tipped the chair upright. "You okay, pet?" He leaned forward. "Didn't mean to drop a bloody bomb on you but it's a long story. Illyria is her name I call her Blue `cause well...she's bloody blue."

Sean chuckled at that part because it was cute. Spike always made everything sound sane, but he just couldn't get past the...

"God? She's a god? Like Roman and Egyptian type God?"

"Naw..." Spike leaned back in his chair inhaling. "She's older than that, luv. Probably was worshipp- ed by those gods. For some reason Charlie fell for her omnipotent arse and they been married for a bit. Got a lovely girl, but she has Blue's omnipotent attitude..." he shook his head with a chuckle.

Sean nodded slowly and mumbled. "Starting to think barbecued chicken is not adequate enough now."

He stood getting the---now thawed---chicken out dropping each piece in the homemade sauce still muttering. "But what do you feed a `GOD' for Christ's sake? Pigs.pigs are in history books for good God sacrifices.and cows, but I don't have any of those and I'm sure supermarket pig and cow will just make her look at me like I've lost my stupid human mind. Oh, god I wonder if she can crush me with her thoughts? Better not piss her off. Wonder if she's hot? No.no shut up Sean.Jesus. Stupid head.stupid inadequate chicken."

Standing Spike moved to where Sean stood and wrapped his arms around his waist. He rested his cheek against Sean's warm spine and inhaled his scent. "It's okay, peaches." He kissed his back stroking his stomach. "Chicken's fine...she actually likes chicken. Blue's not a bad gal once you get to know her. As far as hot goes...Charlie seems to think so. Course now I don't think she comes anywhere bloody close to you...I mean damn you have the face of an angel."

"Angelus." Sean smiled moving----the bowl of chicken in hand---to the porch door to drop it on the grill outside.

Letting out a gasp Spike fell to his knees trying to over come the urge to vomit. "Bloody...hell..." he whimpered as his eyes squeezed tight in an attempt to shut out what had just happened.

Sean stopped, then turned coming back. Setting the chicken on the table he bent down in front of Spike. "Are you okay? Spike what's wrong? Are you sick? Do you need me to get you something?"

Shaking his head Spike inhaled deeply---the un- needed breath making his chest ache. "Sean..." he whispered his eyes locked on the floor, "...that word...why did you say that word?" His voice cracked.

"Angelus? That's what Angelus means. Angelus is Latin or the Hebrew for "one going" or "one sent" messenger or the question of angelic appearances. It means the one with the angelic face---Angelus. You say it to me all the time. So I went and did a little searching that's another name for it."

Spike looked up his eyes wide. If he'd been able he would have blushed in embarrassment. "I...I'm sorry, pet. Just took me by surprise that's all..." he looked away as he tried to pull himself to his feet. "Didn't realize...I was saying it that much."

Grabbing Spike's hand Sean pulled him back down. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like I just beat the shit out of you when I said it. Was that your lover's whole name? Did I do a bad? I'm sorry.I just got curious."

Shaking his head Spike spared Sean a weak smile. "No...it's okay, peaches. Nothing. You did nothing wrong...ain't eaten that's all..." he stood stumbling to the chair barely making it before his legs collapsed beneath him.

Sean nodded standing back up and retrieving the bowl, then headed out to the grill mumbling to himself. "Okay, won't say Angelus ever again."

Taking a couple of deep breathes Spike stood and moved out to the deck noticing the slight slump in Sean's shoulders. "Sean...luv..." he moved to where Sean was working over the grill. "It's okay I swear...I'm sorry I just...it was a nickname..." he paused rubbing his hands through his hair. "You remind me of him sometimes that's all...you sort of caught me off guard."

"I remind you of Angel?"

Spike turned away and leaned on the deck staring down at his hands. Just a few feet away the sun glowed at the edge of the house's shadow. He was considering how big of an idiot he was becoming. He'd just stormed out on the deck without a second thought. Lucky for him the deck faced east and the sun was now hidden behind the peaked roof leaving the deck in shadows. He sighed softly to himself

Those shadows were familiar---right now they filled his heart and his memories. "Yeah..." he whispered, "...sometimes, pet."

Nodding in understanding Sean hummed as he covered the chicken on the grill and headed back inside. Maybe later he would admit he'd tossed the bowl into the sink a bit too hard and maybe he'd twisted the handle on the spout to wash his hand a bit harder. But frankly he was beginning to hate this Angel and the hold he had on Spike.

Shoulders slumping at the less than receptive reply to his answer Spike tried to shake the bad feeling in his gut. When he heard the crash in the kitchen he flinched and turned around with a snort.

This was getting bloody ridiculous, Spike thought.

Heading for the door he stopped just inside.

"What?!" He snapped. "What the sodding hell did I do?!"

"Nothing not a thing." Sean reached for a dishtowel drying his hands, then went to work showing the tomatoes just who the boss was---the one with the chef's knife.

Spike snorted as he moved into the kitchen. "You don't want me to lie to you, pet. So I tell you the bloody truth and I expect the same courtesy." Spiked growled softly. "I want to know what the bloody fucking problem is---now!"

For some reason Sean---knife firmly in hand--- turned and threw it barely missing Spike's head by a small fraction. But that didn't phase him at all as he stormed across the room grabbing Spike's arm. Holding his arm firmly he grabbed the locket with his other hand.

"Want to know what's wrong with me? I'll tell you! Angel, Angel, Angel---that's what! How I remind you of him! How you call me by names you called him by! How he pushed his way into your head and heart, even when I'm `right' in your face! So I'm wondering what will I find in this locket if I open it ---hum?"

Spike twisted trying to pull away. "Don't...dammit Sean...please!" Spike yelped in surprise. "You promised me you bloody ponce! Or did you forget? Was last night a lie?!" He snarled his eyes flashing gold for a split second.

"What's our relationship? What am I to you?" Sean fingered the locket. "Something new, or just some- thing similar, but never good enough. Grade A ran away and you found Grade B and he's so much like Grade A that we'll let him believe anything as long as we get anything that was close to Grade A?" Sean moved his mouth down to Spike's ear then whispered. "Well, I'm tired of being your Grade B Spike. What are you hiding from me?"

Spike growled low in his throat. "You don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about, luv! This ain't a sodding competition!" He yanked his arm away---losing his balance for a second---and fell on his ass.

An evil grin curled Sean's lips very reminiscent of Angelus---in Spike's eyes---and he opened his palm the locket still in it. "Well, let's just see for our-selves then---shall we?" He flipped the clasp.

Scrambling to his feet Spike tackled Sean. "No don't you fucking dare you bloody bastard!" He clawed for the locket knowing that if Sean saw the tintype all bets were off.

They rolled across the floor the fight finally ending when Spike snatched the locket back, but that sent Sean into a rage. Getting to his feet he dragged Spike with him glaring into his eyes---his own go- ing black as coal.

"You know what? Really don't even need to see it to know what's in that thing. Why don't you." Sean licked along one of Spike's cheekbones. ".go find..." he licked up the other, ".daddy pants?" Sucking Spike's lower lip into his mouth he bit it gently, then released it. "And leave me the fuck alone---huh? Give us both some peace."

Lip curling in a snarl Spike drew back his hand and bitch slapped Sean. "You sodding bastard! He's gone! Do you fucking hear me---GONE!" He turned away from Sean clutching the locket desperately. "What the bloody hell would you understand anyway? You ain't ever loved anyone-- -not like this! He was everything to me! Every bloody thing!" He turned around his face shifting and rippling as the demon howled in his gut. "What would a human know about our family or our love?!"

Sean just stood frozen to the spot staring with dark eyes. When he finally found the ability to move he nodded in agreement. He'd deserved that---he had, he thought.

Walking to the wall he yanked the knife out of the plaster. "You're right what does a human know about that. We know nothing about it. Guess that answers my human or vampire question about Angel."

Turning he glanced at Spike his expression blank and emotionless. "When your friends come, I'm going to feed them, be nice to them, but when this night is over you're going with them. I think we've just proved how far this can go. You're in love with a dead man and all I do is remind you of him. Well, Spike I am not him. I am me, and I will never be good enough. So baby you go home with your friends." Sean stormed past Spike not paying attention to how he was holding the knife and slices open his hand. Hissing Sean applied pressure to the cut. "Fuck, ouch, well that was a nice additive to my evening."

Spike was struck dumb by the entire speech. His mouth worked as he tried to think of something to say, but only two words could make it past his lips.

"No...God no...no..." he mumbled his face shifting back to human, tears welling in his eyes.

As his brain was trying to process what Sean had just said the sudden smell of blood filled the air. Eyes shifting between sapphire and gold he moved without conscious thought and stepped in front of Sean. Without a word he took Sean's hand in his and brought it to his face, sniffing along the callused skin, and then he nuzzled it whimpering at the rich smell of fresh blood.

Blood that smelled of his sire and yet it didn't. His tongue darted out and he lapped at the ruby droplets forming---like a cat at milk.

Sean's eyes widened as he attempted to pull his hand away. "Stop."

Purring softly, Spike's golden eyes lifted to meet Sean's dark shock filled eyes. Ever so gently his tongue darted out to slide along the cut. Never once did his gaze leave Sean's, as he tasted the sweet line of copper. He growled low in his throat, one word escaping his scarlet stained lips. "Whhhyyy.?" He purred.

"Because I'm not your meal ticket." Sean moaned desperately trying to cut it off,  but it wasn't work- ing. His cock began to harden and he wasn't sure if he be sick or happy about it. "Stop." He whispered trying to pull away again.

"Nooo..." Spike growled as the scent of arousal filled the air and began to flavor the blood he lapped at gently. "Want you...need you..." his voice lowered as the taste of want and need rolled over his tongue. "Beautiful...beautiful dark-eyed Irish angel..." Spike moaned softly, "...mine...won't stop...won't leave...yours...belong to you."

Sean whimpered, trying to tug his hand away, trying to rip it from Spike's grip, but it only aggravated the wound ripping it further causing it bleed more.

"Stop it." He whined even though he knew Spike wouldn't and he also knew---at this point---his cock was screaming and his insides were boiling. Honestly he didn't want Spike to release him either. So he pulled Spike to him holding his hand to the side drawing Spike's hungry mouth to him.

"Taste good? What does it taste like?"

A soft growl traveled through Spike causing his body to shudder. His tongue caressed like a lover's touch as he lifted his mouth seductively licking at his lower lip.

"Dark...rich..." he purred, "...bittersweet and coppery..." Spike lowered his mouth caressing the wound with his tongue again. "Thick...dangerous... like life and love...filled with need and desire."

"You think I'm dangerous?" Sean glanced up at the hole in the wall and nodded. "Yeah, guess I am. that's new though." Moving his hand away Sean started to walk backwards to the kitchen holding out his hand---palm up. "Come on vampire.follow the goodies. Play with your food."

Snarling Spike followed Sean his body close to the floor as he crawled. His face shifted his incisors lowering. "Tastes good..." he growled softly. "Want more."

"If you're a good boy maybe you'll get it." Sean reached the kitchen, then sat just on the edge of the table---dangling his hand outward.

Spike lifted his gaze sniffing at the air his head weaving back and forth like a cobra about to strike. Somewhere deep inside his soul screamed at the demon as it stalked Sean. With a growl he slithered up to the table and rose on his knees.

"Hungry..." he hissed.

"And I'm horny baby---your point?" Using his free hand Sean unbuttoned his jeans, then lowered the zipper. Releasing his hard cock he lowered his bleeding hand over it, letting the blood drip over it. "There now---see compromise."

Straightening Spike's face shifted, but his eyes continued to flicker with gold. His tongue darted out licking along his lips seductively. Leaning forward his hands stroking Sean's thighs he glanced up through his lashes and smiled.

"...yesss..."

Then he lowered his mouth over the head of Sean's cock and sucked hard---his cheeks hollowing---as his tongue teased along the ridge and dipped into the slit. The combination of flavors---salty pre-cum and rich coppery blood---ripped a groan from the pit of Spike's stomach.

Sean stroked his fingers down the nape of Spike's neck. "Good boy."

Whimpering Spike lowered his mouth down taking Sean deeper until his nose was buried in wiry dark curls. He sucked harder, then lifted his head up, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh gently. Glancing up he smiled around Sean's cock, then swallowed hard.

Eyes rolling back in his head Sean dug his fingers into the back of Spike's neck---not quite hurting, but just getting a firm hold. When he'd gathered enough composure he looked down at Spike and whispered. "You look so dirty like this, but so hot-- -your mouth so full of me---do you know that? Better than anything a girl could accomplish and your eyes---god those damn eyes. Suck baby. make Daddy happy."

Slowly Spike began bobbing his head, drawing on the hard flesh in his mouth with each upward stroke of his mouth. As he reached the tip he swallowed and then as he reached the root he swallowed inhaling the heavy musk of Sean's arousal. His movements were slow and languid at first, then slowly speeding up with each bob of his head. All the while his tongue slithered and curled around the pulsating hardness in his mouth as he laved every drop of precious rich blood from the sensitive skin. He could hear Sean's pulse, he could feel it along the flat of his tongue, and that caused his own cock to jump and swell.

Sean's breathing was becoming erratic as his fingers---on the nape of Spike's neck---jumped and shook. "Oh, Jesus Christ you're so damn good at this.so good."

Grinning Spike reached down between Sean's thighs and curled his fingers around his balls. Gently squeezing he rolled them in his palm as he sped up, his teeth scraping just a bit harder against Sean's throbbing cock. The demon inside wanted him to bite, to feed on the blood that was heavy with the flavor of desire and want. That blood was the richest and most fulfilling for any vampire.

The taste of sex was something no human could possibly understand. It was rich and heady like the finest, oldest burgundy, thick and sweet like the perfect ripeness of any citrus fruit---sweet and yet not to sweet. It tasted of smoky winter nights, dew- drenched spring mornings, and late summer after- noons just this side of twilight.

Spike growled swallowing hard trying to suppress the urge to slide his incisors into the base of Sean's cock and drink deeply of what he knew would hold all these things and so much more.

Looking deep into Spike's eyes---for some reason- --Sean sensed that Spike wanted something Sean had never even considered before. He moved his hand up into Spike's hair stroking lightly against his scalp and through soft hair.

"You want to bite don't you?" Glancing down he watched as Spike's mouth moved up and down his length and he moaned softly. "It's going to hurt a little I know that. Maybe more than a little." Tight- ening his hand in Spike's hair Sean's gaze locked with Spike's. "Do it then, bite me."

Moaning Spike began to tremble at Sean's words.

He had no desire to hurt this man, his lover, but he wanted this so bad. A soft growl vibrated through his body as he lowered his mouth and his face shifted. As gentle as possible he lowered his incisors into the base of Sean's cock piercing the delicate flesh and descending into the vein that pulsed with what he wanted.

The rich flavor exploded up into his mouth causing him to moan, his eyes fluttering with the taste. It was far richer than he could have ever imagined and his cock strained against the confines of his jeans as he drank deeply. The sounds that Sean made above him urged him on.

And there were some wild sounds, the sound of Sean coming with a roar, the sounds of Sean coming down from his orgasm and yet still being fed on . Sean gripped the edge of the table to keep from thrashing and bucking because he couldn't really think. He did know enough though that if he moved he might not have much of a cock to speak of anymore.

So he moaned, screamed, and allowed himself to feel almost weightless and powerful---even with this creature sucking the very life out of him. He felt so `alive'.

He wanted to continue, but Spike knew that he couldn't so he swallowed everything he could---the sweet rich blood and the salty, bitterness of Sean's seed. Gripping Sean's thighs he slowly withdrew his incisors with a faint whimper at the loss of the connection. Then with a final swallow his face shifted back to its human visage and he lapped at the wounds closing them, then slowly licked his way up Sean's softening cock not leaving a drop of anything behind.

Spike felt high with the taste that still lingered along the edge of his tongue as he finally released Sean's empty balls and pulled back placing a gentle kiss on the tip of his cock. Laying his head in Sean's lap he purred as he sniffed along his sweat dampened curls reveling in the scent of pure lust.

Laying a trembling hand on the top of Spike's head Sean murmured breathlessly. "Weren't we just fighting really bad five minutes ago?"

"Still are, mate." Spike growled softly, glancing up through his silken lashes. He buried his nose into Sean's curls inhaling. "You've got yours. Now what about mine, luv?"

Sean chuckled. "Yeah, feeling the love.inspiring me to give you some are you?"

Raising a brow Spike lifted his head eyes flashing gold. "More things than just straight fucking you can do to me, pet. Like it rough...like it kinky..." Spike smirked at Sean. "You claim you ain't vanilla luv---right? Show me what you got."

Chuckling again Sean grabbed Spike's hand and dragged him up on to the table, then he stood up tucking himself in and buttoning his jeans back up. He gave Spike a sideways glance as he headed out of the breakfast nook.

"Stay here."

Going into the kitchenette Sean grabbed a spatula, then opened the fridge retrieving a tub of whipped cream. Wandering back into the nook he sat the things down, then disappeared again. A few minutes passed, then he returned with two long belts in hand.

"Stretch your hands above your head."

Spike snarled softly eyeing the belts and lifted his arms up stretching  and arching his back up off the table. He knew that he looked good like this, the muscles standing out beneath his smooth pale skin. He chuckled, then lowered his gaze obediently whispering.

"Yes...daddy..."

Like a miracle Sean's cock began to fill again, but he ignored it and set about working out his plan. He looped a belt on each wrist, then tied them to the table leg. Once that was done he walked back around and stripped off Spike's jeans. Throwing them to the side Sean reached for the whipped cream opening it. Instead of doing what Spike thought he would he slowly dipped his finger in, then raised it to his mouth smirking as he sucked it between his lips.

Whimpering Spike raised his hips tugging at the belts---his fingers curling around the stiff leather. His cock was harder than he thought possible and he squirmed at the sight of Sean's finger being sucked between those sweet lips.

"Bloody hell..." he moaned and his eyes flutter shut.

Sean removed his finger with a pop and innocently asked---his finger dipping back into the whipped cream. "What's the matter baby?"

A shiver traveled through Spike's body and he whimpered. "Nothing...nothing's wrong..." his muscles flexed as he tugged at the belts again. "Just want...bloody hell I want..."

"Want what?" Sean questioned as his finger traced his outer lips, his tongue drifting out to flick at the whipped cream.

"YOU!!!" Spike suddenly howled, his back bowing off the smooth wood of the table. "Want you to touch me...touch me cock...please..."

"Maybe." Sean went back to sucking the whipped creme off his finger.

"God dammit! Bloody hell! Fucking tease!" Spike writhed and screamed his cock straining against his belly. "Son of bitch! Gave you what you wanted!"

Sean picked up the spatula smacking the side of Spike's ass hard. "Bad boy.no treat if you don't calm down."

Growling Spike stuck his tongue out at Sean. "Way to go, luv! Way to yank a blokes crank!"

Sean smacked the other side of Spike's ass with the spatula hard, his brogue slipping with excitement. "William now lad.ye have ta calm down if I am ta please ye. So choices.choices. I quite like smacking yer pretty arse so this isn't killing me."

Twisting Spike pulled his legs up his heels resting on the edge of the table. With a smirk he spread his legs and stuck his tongue out again. "You like my pretty arse so much, then play with it!"

"Perfect." Sean purred stepping forward. Setting the spatula aside he scooped up some whipped cream smearing it down Spike's crease. "Now why didn't you just catch the hint and do this to begin with---hmmm? Would have saved you from the smacking."

"What makes you think I don't like you smacking me pretty arse?! Do what I want, luv---always have!"

"Somehow I don't believe you William. Somehow I think you were somebody's bitch and he had you so wrapped around his finger you probably cried if he even looked at you funny." Sean murmured as two of his whip cream slicked fingers slid down Spike's crack, then pushed inside his ass. His other hand wrapped around Spike's cock.

Whimpering Spike pushed back onto Sean's probing fingers and at the same time tried to push into the fist surrounding his cock. "No ones bitch! Never was...never will be you bloody bastard!"

"You're lying, but that's okay. But baby.when you're wearing a locket---that probably has the Almighty's picture in it---you were his bitch."

"Fuck you!" Spike snarled at Sean his eyes flashing gold. "Bloody tease---don't know anything!"

Sean's fingers grazed over Spike's prostate his gaze lifting to look deep into Spike's. "Don't I?"

Howling Spike's back bowed and his body thrashed as Sean touched that one spot that drove him crazy. A flare of heat pulsed from his ass through his pelvis and straight up his aching and leaking cock. "God...bloody fucking bastard!"

"Am I?" Sean asks probing deeper and pushing against his sweet spot, his hand starting to move slowly, languidly on Spike's cock.

"YES!!!!" Spike howled pounding his heels on the table his hips pumping up and down. "You love this don't you? You bloody love messing with me?! Sodding prick!"

"Yes.and you know what I don't even know why, never used to be my thing before. But lots of things never used to be my thing before. Fucking men, letting men fuck me, and drawing men in obvious- ly sick situations. Tying people up, throwing knives at their heads.I can safely say this new me is startling and a bit messed up, but finding it rather..." he twisted his fingers against Spike's prostate, ".freeing."

The sound that ripped from Spike's throat was far from human. It was animalistic and primitive. The sound of something possessed by an all encom- passing need. His head thrashed from side to side his fingers digging into the stiff leather that encircled his pale wrists.

"That's so pretty baby. You're close---aren't you? I don't even have to work hard and I have you writhing better than any call girl ever could. What did he make you into---huh? What did he teach you? He was a big bastard---wasn't he? He probably did all kinds of things to you. But you never got tired of him did you? Never stopped wanting him. Did he talk to you like I do? Did he make you as wanton and open? Did he call you a whore? Did he have you call him---Daddy? Tell me Will.what do I get for your satisfaction. What do I get so you can have a little of him back?"

"Yes! Yes!" Spike whined and thrust his ass back on Sean's fingers. "Made me his whore! God yes!!" He writhed and twisted on Sean's fingers wanting more. "Whipped me...fucked me...used me... bastard...please!!"

Sean released Spike's aching cock and stilled his fingers inside him, pressing a finger to Spike's lips hushing him. "Shhh, baby.no more talking. Come now."

With those words he crooked his fingers running it in one long final sweep against Spike's sweet spot and stripped his cock from base to tip with one final stroke.

Screaming Spike's body lifted---literally---off the table until only his feet and shoulders were touch- ing the wood. His cock pulsed once, twice, and then on the third pulse he came hard. Pearly cum splattering his heaving belly and chest as his ass clenched down tightly on Sean's fingers.

Sean waited until Spike's body collapsed back on the table, then he removed his fingers. He walked around and released the belts from the table legs leaving them connected to Spike's wrists.

"Might want to clean up. I have to wash my hands and check on the chicken." Then he was gone disappearing into the kitchen to wash his hands.

Setting up Spike snarled his eyes flashing gold. "Fucking bloody arsed prick!" He slid from the table his legs quivering and looked down at the belts on his wrists. "Use and run ain't exactly the nicest thing to do to a bloke!" He yelled over his shoulder. "My sire never did it like that! He was a bastard, but not as big of a bastard as you! So bloody go fuck your chicken!" Snarling he turned storming out of the nook and straight for the bathroom.

At this point if he didn't have a bloody soul he would have torn Sean's sodding throat out.

***

Humming to himself  Sean dried his hands and went out to check on the chicken. Suddenly there was a loud crackling poof sound behind him. Turning around he looked back into the house and saw two people by his door.

"And then came the rest of the circus." He muttered closing the grill lid and walking inside.

Eyebrow arching Sean glanced at the girl first and she wasn't exactly what he expected. The girl was beautiful, but was innocent looking with long brunette hair and glasses. Then his gaze drifted to the tall, dark skinned man who seemed frozen solid in shock.

The girl stepped forward with a timid smile and spoke. "Hello.are you Sean?"

Sean nodded studying her face with a lost expression.

"Nice ta meet you I'm." she smiled stepping closer.

".Illyria." Sean cut her off, then he frowned. "But you're not blue.I mean you're hot, but not blue."

Spike picked that moment to return to the kitchen still damp from his seriously hot shower---a towel wrapped around his hips---grumbling about in- grates and bent over to retrieve his discarded jeans.

"...bloody bastard..." when he stood up his eyes lit up. "Charlie! Blue!" Across the room in two seconds he slapped Gunn's back, then grabbed Illyria around the waist---lifting her and twirling her around.

Illyria gradually changed until she was her normal appearance. "You will release me."

Spike snorted and dropped her to her feet, then slapped her on the ass. "Always do Blue!" Chuckl- ing he turned to Gunn. "Hey, man didn't expect you to be here so soon. Missed you bro'. Has Sean introduced himself right and proper now or am I going to have to kick his bloody arse?"

Gunn was still frozen to the spot where he'd landed---staring at Sean. Illyria rolled her eyes and brushed her hand over her ass then walked a bit closer to Sean her head tilting.

"He knows, how does he know?"

"He told me when I found about him. He didn't show up in my mirror it was a whole ordeal. But you're definitely blue now, and god like---yep." Sean stared at Illyria in wonder.

"He is wise." Illyria stated as she walked around him checking him out---back to his front.

"No.just informed." Sean wasn't sure about the scrutiny and what it meant.

Illyria glanced at Gunn, moved to his side grabbing his arm, and then pushed him forward. "This is my husband, Gunn."

Sean smiled at the other man. "Hello, Gunn."

Gunn laughed---tiny tears springing to his eyes--- as he practically leapt forward pulling Sean into a bear hug.

"Hey, now Charlie...boy needs to breath," Spike chuckled as he wrangled with his jeans trying not to flash everyone in the room. "And Blue, luv...sorry I gave up your omnipotence to Sean. Sort of didn't see the bloody point of keeping it a secret after Sean found out I was a sodding neck biter."

Illyria walked up to Spike. "'Tis of little con- sequence." Then totally out of character she laid a hand on his arm gently studying. "Let him. he has missed him."

Sean patted Gunn's back thinking all this was a bit odd, but he didn't pull away. Gunn kept laughing, then stopped carefully getting himself back together. Swallowing the near choked sob that rose in his throat he whispered. "Good to see you man.good to see you."

Confused, but somehow knowing it doesn't matter Sean answered . "Good to see you to Gunn."

"Well now that we all bloody well know each other..." Spike rolled his eyes, "...Sean's barbecu- ing chicken."

Gunn grinned patting Sean hard once more on the back. "So I knew I smelled food and I'm starving man and ya made my fave food. Teleportation is a tiring freaky thang fill me up."

Gesturing to the table Sean smiled. "Sit.just don't touch it.I made a mess and have to wipe it down. I'll get the food out for you."

"ALRIGHT! You're a life saver." Gunn nearly skipped to the table.

"He will regret this later. Humans and their need to over eat I will never understand." Illyria followed behind Gunn.

Snorting Spike went to the sink and retrieved the dish rag from the sink. "I'll get the 'mess' cleaned up...Sean..." Spike headed to the table raising a brow at Illyria. "You should try the overeating sometime Blue might make you less...retentive."

"I am power, I am grace, I am better than any being on this tiny dirty planet. And when my husband and daughter leave me I will rend it asunder. Call me what you will out of your petty jealousies, but the facts still remain."

Salad in one hand and buns in the other Sean returned whistling. "Oh, yeah okay.she's a keeper."

Gunn smiled at Illyria, then kissed her cheek--- which only made her look slightly uncomfortable. "Yo, she's my girl."

"Yeah.that she is Charlie." Spike laughed softly as he wiped the table, then tossed the rag back in the sink. Sprawling into the chair across from Gunn he smiled. "So how's Lexi? Take care of them demon pests in Jersey yet?"

Laughing Gunn puffed up proudly. "Of course she did man. She's the strongest of the strong. Called me up that night and bitched about it being too easy and they need to stop calling her for stupid jobs. Said it was beneath her."

Illyria smiled proudly.

Walking in Sean sat down bowls of corn on the cob and potato salad. "The chicken will be right back."

Gunn nodded watching as Sean left, then leaned over the table whispering to Spike. "So how he find out about you?"

Snorting Spike glanced over his shoulder to where Sean was standing over the grill. "Sean it seems has a mirror over his sodding bed..." he shook his head, "...so much for bathing in the bloody afterglow."

Gunn snorted as well his gaze settling on Illyria with a look that screamed 'I told you so.' Illyria dismissed him turning her body and looking out at Sean. Her eyes focused on Sean's movements her head turning from side to side.

"It was only a matter of time. But he is conflicted. He has many layers.they are trying to blend back together. He does not understand it is beyond his capability."

"You can say that again, Blue." Spike glanced around, located his smokes and retrieved them. Shaking one out he lit up sighing. "I swear Charlie..." he shook his head, "...I've seen Angel, but what freaks my bloody arse out more is I swear I've looked into Angelus' eyes..."

Gunn stopped mid-bite spitting the bun out he'd been eating. "I thought I told you man. Angelus bad.Angelus equals badness."

Illyria lifted her hand. "Do not place blame. He is like a puzzle. It is inevitable." She cocked her head even further, then glanced at Spike. "The pieces lay dormant until the key unlocks the door---you un- locked the door. He will not slip through though he hesitates, so there are leaks. He fluctuates---does he not?"

Leaning back with a frown Spike nodded at Gunn, then Illyria. "I know Charlie you're preaching to the bloody choir. Blue's right...it's like seeing three different people in the same sodding body. Hell I'm starting to wonder if I'm going nutters."

Illyria shook her head and turned back. "He is scared. He does not want to learn his life is a fabrication---a lie. Human frailty."

Sean returned with a platter of barbecued chicken dropping it on the table he sat down. "Eat up.help yourself."

Digging in Gunn took a little from every bowl and each plate. Illyria just watched.

Snubbing his cigarette out Spike reached over and grabbed a drumstick taking a big bite. "Damn good barbecue, Sean." Spike grinned as he licked his lips.

Sean ignored Spike as he scooped food onto his plate.

"Hey, Blue don't be rude try some of Sean's hard work out. It's quite tasty...like the man himself." He raised a brow, then winked at Sean.

Illyria daintily reached out picking up a piece of chicken and sat it on her plate. She studied it forever, then she spoke. "It is sticky and smells of charcoal."

Smiling wide Gunn nodded. "Yo baby give it a whirl I swear it's good. Better than coffee and you like coffee."

"It contains caffeine and stimulates. This will do nothing, but make me appear bloated. I do not need this type of sustenance."

"For me then and for the work Sean did." Gunn sighed.

A sound that could have been disgust or defeat escaped Illyria. She started to strip the chicken--- bit by bit---off the bone until she had shredded it. Grabbing a piece she placed it in her mouth chewing slowly. She gritted her teeth smiling as pretty as she could at Sean, then swallowed.

"Very...tasty."

Across the table Spike noted Illyria's reaction and chuckled, then his gaze moved to Sean. "Thanks, pet. Told you Gunn loved the barbecue..." he stood heading to the refrigerator. "Anyone want a beer?"

"I'll take one." Sean called out.

"Me, too.man." Gunn yelled.

Pulling out three bottles Spike wandered back to the table handing one to Gunn. He turned to Sean and studied him with narrowed eyes. Dammit he wished to bloody hell that he knew what to think, Spike thought. Smiling he handed Sean the beer then without a word he walked around the table taking his chair and flipping it around he dropped astride it.

"You did up a great meal, Sean." He just couldn't bring himself to use any pet names---not here and not now. He popped the cap taking a deep pull off the bottle, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Thanks...for letting Charlie and Blue come...missed them..." his voice faded out as he tipped the bottle again---lost in thoughts of what to do.

Sean cut off his reply of 'Well you know me and the chicken are close because I'm fucking it' and instead said. "You're welcome."

***

They continued eating as Gunn, Spike, and Illyria chatted---Sean listening mostly. When they finish- ed Sean and Spike quietly cleaned up. Then Sean offered to show his work for entertainment.

Gunn nodded. "That would be wicked. An.I mean I would like to see it."

They headed to his studio where he proceeded to show them all his saner work.

"These are superb. Fine work from a human's hands." Illyria bent, then straightened as she studied each one.

Gunn shook his head in awe. He recognized a few from stories he recalled Angel telling him. "Yo, bro they're good---you're talented."

"Thanks." Sean smiled.

Spike watched from the studio doorway as Sean showed off his artwork and it was the first time since before they fought that the crease in Sean's brow has softened. He hated this so bloody much. All he really wanted was Angel back, but he felt like if he did that he'd lose him. It was hard not to think that. Sean had been happy, content, he had a family, friends---then he had come along. Already he'd turned the kid's life on its sodding ear.

Maybe it would be easier just to pack his bags and go back to LA with Gunn and Illyria. He wanted Angel, but not enough to destroy a family and that's exactly what would happen. It wasn't just Sean and him trying to sort it all out there were others---Syd, Sean's mother, and his sister Katherine. Turning away he moved up the steps and into the hallway as his vision blurred.

"Better to leave you, luv, than to destroy you completely."

Sean continued showing off his work until he'd shown all he could. He glanced up noticing Spike was gone and frowned. Even though he'd been trying to be cold shoulder guy this wasn't easy for him in the least.

He liked Spike---no he loved him, he thought. Even this soon he knew he loved him. But he didn't understand what was happening to him.

Gunn moved over to get a look at the last one and bumped into Illyria who was focused on some- thing. "What is it baby?"

Reaching out Illyria slipped her hand behind the last picture and brought out a smaller one hidden behind it. It appeared there was one more picture to be seen. She handed it to Gunn.

When his gaze settled on the paper Gunn covered his mouth. "OH, GOD!!"

Out in the hall Spike heard Gunn's exclamation and he turned jumping down the stairs and ran into the studio. "Hey, Charlie what the bloody hell is going on?"

Sean in the back of the room looked up at him in confusion.

With shaky hands Gunn turned the picture so Spike could see it.

It was of a dark alleyway, rain pouring. There were three faded figures no faces visible, but they were there. There was also a blade covered with gore.

And it all seemed to be done as if from a person's eyes.

"Seem familiar?" Gunn whispered to Spike.

Spike stormed across the room and yanked the picture out of Gunn's hands. He knew this place. God help him, he thought, he knew it. This place, this night, it had been branded in his brain for twenty-five years. He turned on Sean his eyes flashing gold.

"What is this?!" He hissed. "What the bloody fuck is this?!" He stormed to the back of the room shaking it in Sean's face. "When did you fucking do this?! WHEN?!

Sean backed up taken completely  by surprise and glared at Spike. "Get away from me."

"NO!" Spike roared his face shifting. "I'm tired of this bloody shite! I'm tired of playing sodding games! Tell me what the fuck this is and why you had it hidden!" His face twisted, then shifted back as he snarled stalking towards Sean. "I'm just fucking TIRED!"

"IT WAS THE FIRST DAMN PICTURE I EVER DID---YOU HAPPY NOW?!!!" Sean screamed in Spike's face.

Spike's eyes went wide as his face changed back to human and he made a half choked sobbing noise. "The first? Jesus fucking bloody Christ..." his voice cracked as he stepped back seeing the confusion in Sean's eyes. "I need you to tell me why? Why would you do this? Where did you see this?" His eyes began to shimmer with emotion. "I need to fucking know Sean..."

Opening his mouth Sean started to answer, but stopped, then tried again and again but nothing would come out.

Illyria walked up to Gunn placing her hand on his arm. "Charles we need to leave them now."

"No.no way," Gunn shook his head. "What if he has a breakdown? What if he cracks and I lose him? I can't lose him again---no."

"Charles you cannot stay here. You need to trust this will be sorted. Time to leave with me now."

Gunn stiffened ready to resist, but saw the expression in Illyria's eyes and swore. "FUCK!!" Nodding he walked out.

Walking up to Sean she spoke softly. "You need to walk through the door for your own sake human. You're not whole." Then Illyria turned following her husband out.

Sean's eyes flickered back and forth from the door to Spike. He started to shake as he closed his eyes.

"This is bullshit. It's just a stupid picture. I hid it because it bugs me. I don't know why damn it.I don't know why I did it. I don't know where it came from."

Spike lifted the picture to his face and tears welled over his lashes. "It ain't bullshit, luv. It's not just a stupid picture." He gritted his teeth fighting the emotions that rose in his gut. "I know this fucking place...I know this fucking moment..." he held the picture up into Sean's face. "Los Angeles..." he hissed, "...twenty-fucking-five years ago! That night changed my life more than you can ever fucking image you son of a bitch!"

Eyes snapping open Sean gritted his teeth. "And that means WHAT to me?!"

Snarling Spike crushed the picture in his fist and threw it at Sean. "That's right! What the bloody hell does anything have to do with you?! You've been hiding all your sodding life! Just fucking forget it!" Spike turned his back to Sean trying to get the anger under control. Deep in his gut the demon writhed and hissed demanding it's due. "Just keep living in this little fantasy world!"

Moving around the room he began knocking anything over that was within reach. "Yeah, that's it! Surround yourself with all this bloody nonsense and try and convince yourself that this is all there is!"

Sean was horrified this was his life. He had no other life. He had never lived another one. He had never met Spike until two days ago and now he was going mad and ruining his things---his art, his work, and his life. Sean moved as fast as he could across the room grabbing Spike's arm. "STOP IT."

"Why?! Tell me why I should stop?!" Spike snapped turning on Sean with a growl. "What the bloody hell do you think is going on?!" He shrugged off Sean as if he was an ant. "Everything you've ever painted or drawn...visions of a world you've never been a part of...Jesus Christ on a three-legged goat! Put two and two together!"

"You're insane Spike.I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about." Sean started pick- ing up his paintings setting them back up. "Just go talk to your friends."

"God DAMMIT!!" Spike roared like a lion and turned shoving his fist through the wall. The skin along his knuckles split open and the coppery scent of blood filled the air.

"It's me! Sean, that picture in that alley---the figures those are Charlie, Blue, and me!"

"It's not possible." Sean whispered, but as soon as it was out of his mouth his mind snapped once more.

<No, you don't. 10-to-1, we're gone when the smoke clears. They will do everything in their power to destroy us. So...I need you to be sure. Power endures. We can't bring down the senior partners, but for one bright, shining moment, we can show them that they don't own us. You need to decide for yourselves if that's worth dying for. I can't order you to do this. I can't do it without you. So we'll vote. As a team. Think about what I'm asking you to do, think about what I'm asking you to give.>

<Kill 'em all... burn the house down while we're still in it.>

<Something like that.>

Sean snapped back clutching his head. "No."

"Yes!" Spike growled. "You do know...somewhere inside you it's bloody well there!" Spike grabbed Sean by the shoulders shaking him. "Dammit! Quit fighting it!"

Sean looked up into Spike's eyes and it happened again.

<This may come out a little pretentious, but... one of you will betray me.>

<Oh.can I deny you three times?>

Then he was back again. He yanked away stumbl- ing to the door. "Stay away from me." He left the studio heading for the front door.

As he stumbled through the hall he noticed it was raining and he moved faster not even heeding his damaged ankle. He passed Gunn and Illyria, then went right out the door into the torrential rain. He had no idea where he was going he just needed to get away.

***

Spike stood there for a moment cursing himself for a sodding fool, then he turned and ran up the stairs. Without a sideways glance at Gunn or Illyria he headed for the front door only to find it hanging open the storm outside blowing in.

"Damn little ponce!" He growled to himself, then dove out into the down pour. "Sean!!!"

***

Sean shook his head frantically as he moved down the driveway. He was already soaked to the bone and his brain was officially on an endless loop.

<Boo.>

<Anyone else?>

<Not so far. You feel the heat?>

<It's coming.>

***

 Narrowing his eyes Spike lifted his hand trying to keep the rain out of his eyes. That was when Spike spotted Sean hobbling down the driveway.

"Sean!! You bloody git! Where in the bloody hell do you think your going?!" Striding through the rain he headed after Sean when there was no answer.

Sean slipped falling in the mud and struggled to stand back up, but what stopped him from trying to escape was the light. Looking up into the rain Sean closed his eyes and suddenly there it was---the light covered in darkness. Grabbing his head the darkness lifted away, light filling up his head, his eyes popping open as he was flooded with images.

He could see them now instead of just hearing.

<On his knees in a alley drinking from a woman's breast.>

<An unearthly beauty with raven hair and the gift of sight.>

<A boy sniffling and running into him and his family in a alley.>

<Getting a soul.>

<Losing his soul surrounded by falling rain.>

 Rain dripped into his eyes blinding him, but they still kept coming.

<Having sex with the woman from the alley and more rain.>

Sean started to shake and he could see Spike in the distance, coming towards him, and a different series of events start up.

<A talk in a hospital feeling sorry for Spike.>

<Sticking his hand in the sunlight to scare and impress the boy.>

<The fight for a cup.>

<Being tortured for a ring.>

<In the mines infuriated at a smirking William.>

<Laying in bed talking to a non-corporeal Spike.>

He could feel the cold of the rain, his body shaking from head to toe, barely able to pull himself up. He saw Spike's body---shirtless with just soaked jeans.

<Want, ye, need ye.>

<Yer me beautiful boy.>

<Always mine, yer mine.>

<So tight.yer so tight.>

<Louder baby.louder don't care who hears.who will hear us in a elevator.>

<Spike.Spike.Spike.>

<Will.Will.Will.>

Spike was right on him and he whimpered, then his brain gave a final big snap. Like a movie being completed the last reel began playing.

<He stood alone taking down the huge, menacing dragon that reared up above him. His sword swung out causing the dragon to arch its neck just like he'd wanted. Heaving the sword up he pushed it up through the dragon's throat. One long shriek, then the dragon dropped dead at his feet. Yanking his sword free he turned to Spike his smile so bright it almost lit up the entire alley.>

Sean found himself yanked back his eyes com- pletely dilated, his lips parted, and he whispered to Spike.

"I killed the dragon."

Eyes rolling back into his head Sean dropped to the cold ground.

~Part: 5~

Eyes drifting open he took a breath finding himself dry in his bed.

His bed?

Yes, he supposed it was.

Slipping from the bed he turned his head finding Spike's pale luminescent body next to him. He smiled softly, then moved to the chest of drawers opening a drawer and taking out a pair of pajama pants. Slipping them on he quietly left his room heading down the hall. When he'd reached the door leading out to the deck he stopped, his hand resting on the handle as he took a deep breathe.

He chuckled about the nervous breath as he opened the door slipping outside. Outside the deck was swathed in shadows up to a certain point and he caught himself sticking to those shadows as he gathered his courage. Deep down inside he realized he didn't need the courage, but it comforted him neither the less. Finally he took his first tentative step into the morning sun-light.

Immediately his body was bathed in bright light as his eyes drifted shut and he lifted one hand to his chest. For the longest time he stood silent and still until tears started to fall down his face. As they did he started to murmur over and over.

"Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump."

"You're so fucking beautiful..."

Angel turned opening his eyes and met Spike's gaze from the doorway. "Am I?" He asked softly.   "Of course you are, pet. You always were to me even when you made me so furious I wanted to kick your bloody arse." Spike smiled softly his eyes sparkling even in the shadows. "Look at yourself, luv. Those broad shoulders, narrow hips...body of a fucking god...those dark eyes endless and filled with so much. Your soul shows through those eyes...always did..." he crossed his arms in front of his bare chest.

Tears glimmered in Spike's eyes as his voice---rough with suppressed need---came out like that of a lost child. "It is you ain't it, peaches? It's really you..."

Angel moved forward his voice a bare whisper. "Ask me what my name is?"   Trembling Spike chewed on his lower lip. "What's your name, pet?" His voice was tight and raspy.

"Liam Frances O'Donnell. Ask me again."   The trembling became worse as the tears began swelling over his lashes. "What's your name, luv?"

"Angelus, now again."   Spike swallowed hard and the tears finally fell down his pale face. "What's your name, peaches?"

Angel stopped in front of Spike lifting his hand to the other man's cheek running his knuckles down his face. "Angel."   A choked sob escaped Spike as his shaking hand lifted---his fingers folding over Angel's. "I thought I'd lost you..." Spike whispered.

"But you found me again." Angel whispered then began singing softly. "I once was lost, but now am found.'twas blind, but now I see." Pulling Spike into his embrace Angel buried his face in his tousled hair inhaling.   Spike wrapped his arms around Angel and finally it all hit him at once. He wasn't crazy, he hadn't imagined it, and he begged those bloody powers that be that he wasn't dreaming it. His chest felt as if it were caving in as he clung to the one thing he'd never thought he would live to see.

Beneath his cheek he could feel the thundering of the heart encased in bone and muscle. He could feel the rise and fall of lungs drawing in fresh sweet morning air. "Angel..." Spike whispered, "...you won...you found your reward..."

Angel smiled into Spike's hair, then in a goofy voice whispered. "I killed the dragon."   A spurt of teary laughter escaped Spike in a soft explosion. "Yes, I do believe you bloody well did, peaches."

"Peaches." Angel repeated softly his hands drifting down over Spike's body. "Peaches."

He started to walk---pushing Spike backwards---into the house shutting the door behind him. He kept walking through the dining room, then down the hall as Gunn came out of the guest room. Angel smiled patting Gunn's cheek, but kept walking with Spike towards his room.

"Good to see you Gunn, can't wait to see you and Illyria's spawn." Then he chuckled, leaving an open mouthed Gunn behind.

When they hit the bedroom door Angel lifted Spike and wrapped his legs around his waist. Slowly he climbed the steps to the bed, then dropped to the mattress on top of Spike laughing.

Staring up at the man he's known as Sean for the past few days Spike swallowed hard. His vision began blurring and he swallowed again his voice a bare whisper. "It's you...isn't it? Really you? Angel..." he reached up and cupped Angel's jaw in his trembling hand. His thumb caressed over his dark brow and a whimper rose in his throat. "God...Angel..."

"What William---huh? Keep this up and I may think you actually missed me, baby." Angel whispered as he kissed along Spike's jaw.   Leaning up Spike began covering Angel's face with desperate kisses the tears rolling down his face as he gasp over and over again for the air he no longer needed. "Missed you, sire...love you...please don't let this be a dream..." Finally his mouth found Angel's amidst the tears and he let every emotion he had felt and suffered for the past twenty-five years flow from his lips into Angel.   The pain, the loneliness, the grief, and the guilt.

Oh, yes the guilt---it was the strongest of all the emotions. For all these years he had blamed himself for Angel's disappearance.

Angel kept the kiss going for as long as his new---well not so new, but it was new to him---human body would allow. When he pulled back to breathe he stroked his fingers along Spike's face. "Shhh, no crying over me, Will. I'm here now. Sorry they just took me---really would have been nice to have a warning---but the Powers have shown me before they're bastards so not surprised."

Grabbing Spike's hand he placed it over his heart and murmured. "Not your sire now, Will---just Angel---just your Angel." He smiled looking down at the tips of Spike's fingers. "Human, pulse, heartbeat, and everything. No more grrr.no more super strength.just plain old Angel."   "Plain old Angel? Never plain, luv...never." Spike wrapped his arms tightly around Angel pulling him closer and whispered in his ear. "Could have stopped them, peaches. Should have...if only I hadn't turned away...if only I'd been paying closer attention..." Spike burrowed into the vee of Angel's neck and shoulder clinging to him tighter than he really should have. He couldn't seem to help him- self though. "They shouldn't have taken you, luv. We needed you...I needed you...wasn't bloody well fair..."

Angel kissed Spike's hair. "Doesn't matter my little one. Can't do anything about the past. They took me and we can't make them put me back. Every-thing happened for a reason. And look you found me again just like I said you would. Wouldn't give up on me. Kept pushing till I remembered. Got me to go in the door. Always knew you would be the one to save me baby."   A half choked sob escaped Spike as he clung to Angel. "Never thought you believed in me that much, pet." He whispered. "I was ready to give up..." his lips caressed Angel's throat, "...just told Charlie to pack up your stuff, then I hit you...I mean Sean...I...oh, bloody hell." Spike looked up his eyes wet and sparkling. "What do I call you, peaches?"

"You're one of the very few I do believe in, Will." Angel chuckled. "Call me whatever you want. Around mom and Kat though..." Angel trailed off, glancing up at the pictures on the wall of his mom and sister.   "Sean..." Spike smiled at the look of pure joy in Angel's eyes. "Are they...I mean your mum and sis...are they the same souls as before?" Spike lifted a hand sliding it up through Angel's soft spiky hair.

A lone tear slid down Angel's cheek and he nodded whispering. "Right down to her voice and the ringlets in her hair.oh, god she's so beautiful. They gave her back.they gave her back."   "You deserve to be happy, pet. I'm glad they gave you little Kathy back...got to see her grow up into a beautiful woman...beautiful just like her big bro'." Spike hooked his leg around Angel's and flipped them over so he was on top. "Sorry, luv..." he whispered, "...real sorry I hurt you. Wish I could fix it up." He leaned in kissing Angel soft and slow this time trying not to notice the damp sheen that glittered in Angel's dark eyes. "All I can do is say sorry and be here for you, pet."

Angel met Spike's gaze. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm happy. I'm so fucking happy right now. I don't even have to worry about that any-more. I don't have to be scared." He frowns a bit in thought. "Well, maybe I should look into anger management, but for the most part I'm fine."   Spike threw back his head laughing until tears dripped down his chin. Looking down at Angel his lips curled into a smirk. "I think we can work on that..." he stretched out on top of Angel thrusting his hips forward and rocking against Angel. "I got the bloody cure all right here, peaches."

"Only you would say sex is the cure all, Spike." Angel murmured with amusement, but he thrust back with a roll of his hips.   Moaning softly Spike's eyes fluttered shut as he felt Angel's hard length meet his. "God, missed this so sodding much..." he whimpered just thinking that two layers of material were all that separated their skin. His eyes drifted open and he smiled at the flush along Angel's cheeks. "Want you so bad...what you inside me---now."

"Well, what you waiting for---an invite? Start stripping there's the lube." Angel pointed to the lube on the bedside with a sly grin. "After all you took advantage of my person least you can do is the work."   Spike's brow rose in amusement as he snorted. "Look now...you offered that sweet arse up, luv. Would have never went there if you hadn't."

Slipping off the bed he shimmied out of his jeans his cock rearing back against his belly. His other brow rose at Angel's expression. "Missed me did you, pet?" His hand trailed down, fingers curling around his erection, as he began to pump himself leisurely.

Angel's eyes half closed in pleasure. "I want to do that.let me do that."   Growling softly Spike released his erection and grabbed the lube from the night stand. Seconds later he was sitting astride Angel's stomach his  body shivering with suppressed need. "Want to do it while I ride you, luv?"

"Yeah." Angel answered as his fingers curled around Spike's cock.   Spike moaned as Angel's fingers tightened around his aching erection. "Screw the lube..." Spike dropped the tube, "...ain't like I haven't done it dry before." Reaching behind him he took a relaxing breath and gripped Angel's cock. Carefully he positioned the tip at his opening and grunted as he pushed back and down.   Angel froze for a moment. He knew Spike was still a vampire and that he could take it, but he didn't want to make it worse on him. The feeling though was incredible. "You're amazing."   "It's okay, luv..." Spike smiled down at Angel panting softly, "...just hurt a bit, but us vamps---well you know." Carefully he pushed back further the head of Angel's cock stretching him open. Whimpering he took it slow if but for no reason than to ease the worry in those wide dark eyes locked on his face. "God...so big...yesss..."

"You're so amazing." Angel repeated his hands resting on Spike's hips his fingers moving in tiny circles.   "You keep...saying..." Spike panted softly, "...that...but you're the one..." he concentrated on the feel of Angel's thumbs caressing his hipbones, on the smell of arousal---both his and Angel's, and the underlying scent of worry. "You make me...make me that way, peaches." With those words the head of Angel's cock popped through the tight ring of muscle and Spike felt himself slowly sliding down the hot pulsing length. "Love you... missed you..." he whimpered as he was filled and stretched.

"Oh, god.me, too.  I've missed you." Angel cried out as he finally started to sink inside his haven. The one place in his whole existence he'd felt whole, alive, and happy. "We help each other. make each other perfect. There is no Angel without Spike.no Angelus without William. Never a me without a you."   Spine bowing Spike slowly lowered himself until he was completely impaled. "Yes...god yes, luv..." he whimpered, "...was so empty...lost without you." Spike sighed as his body adjusted to the thickness inside him. This was how it should be.

For twenty-five years he had felt so empty, so lost, but now---now he was finally home.

"What did you do for twenty-five years baby? If you tell me nothing I'll have to sing Barry for torture."   Spike opened his eyes looking down at Angel with a chuckle. "You want to know, pet?" He leaned over with a soft moan running his fingers through Angel's hair. "Lots of whiskey...lots of lube and one hell of a bloody imagination..." he licked the curve of Angel's ear, "...yes quite a big imagination." He chuckled again.

"How big?" Angel asked softly---half shocked and half touched.   "Very..." Spike shifted pulling up, "...big..." he hissed as he pushed back down. "Was always your boy---always. Can't be with anyone else. Never... love you too much, peaches." His hips pulled up again.

"Oh GOD! Yesss.oh, god Will.oh my sweet baby boy.so sweet, so tight." Angel moaned as he started to push his hips up wanting more of this delicious pleasure.   Gasping softly Spike carefully sped up finding that precious rhythm that he had missed. He knew that Angel was no longer his sire in body, but in soul---well this precious soul was that of his sire. Nothing mattered at this moment except this joining.

"Angel..." Spike whimpered and purred as his hips continue speeding up, "...my sire...my love...my dark eyed devil. No...no one can bloody well love me like this, pet. No one...god no one, but you..."

Angel sat up tightening his grip on Spike's hips as he started to cant his own hips---moving them faster---at a new angle. "Give you everything, everything I have.everything I am always.will always do that for you, Will."   Spike stretched and growled twisting his hips as Angel sat up. "Know...god I know, pet." He wrapped his arms around Angel's body as he continued riding him, his cock trapped between their bellies---one warm and one cool, and he kissed Angel. Not just any kiss, but one that held pure want and joy. "Never again...never again, luv." He whispered against Angel's warm, moist lips.

"No.never losing me again my sweet boy. Not going anywhere." Angel traced kisses down Spike's jaw, then his throat. "Taste so good.feel so good. So cool, so soft. Look so beautiful. Are you close, baby?"   "Yes...yes daddy..." Spike whimpered writhing as Angel tasted his throat. "Please...please daddy. Please taste me..." his eyes fluttered as he arched his neck into Angel's silky warm mouth.

"You sure? I don't have the usual sharpies---might hurt." Angel licked across Spike's mark.   Spike nodded as he continued riding Angel's throbbing erection. "Yes...please...don't care, luv. Missed this..."

"Okay.don't say I didn't warn you." Biting down hard on Spike's neck Angel broke the pale skin. Blood started to well up and without pause Angel lapped at it.   Shivering Spike cried out at the sharp pain of blunt teeth tearing into his skin. "Jesus bloody Christ!"

He growled and writhed at the pain, then as Angel's tongue caressed the throbbing wound he let out a sob. His cock pulsed and exploded between their sweaty bodies, his ass clenched as he slammed down Angel's length one final time. Throwing his head back he screamed his fingers clawing at Angel's spine.

Angel's wordless scream followed as he came when Spike's muscles clenched and milked him dry. He dug his head into Spike's throat panting harshly.   As he came down from his orgasmic high Spike let out a gasp. He could hear Angel softly whimpering into the vee of his neck, the feel of Angel's warm seed bathing his insides just caused Spike to whimper in unison with Angel. His hands stroked down Angel's sweat slicked spine and he whispered in his ears.

"Thank you, luv." He collapsed taking Angel with him to the mattress.

"No, thank you.thank you so freaking much." Angel giggled almost drunkenly, then kissed Spike's Adam's apple. "Yer me addiction even now."   Spike lifted his head with a weak chuckle. "Now is that a bad thing, luv?" A sweat dampened curl fell across his forehead as he kissed Angel's cheek. "Could be worse addictions...I've had a few myself, peaches."

"Nay, never a better addiction then ye are, William." Tracing around his bite mark Angel smiled. "Like this part better.non-vampire bite lasts longer. Takes longer to heal. Let me admire you for a bit more."   Shifting to a more comfortable position Spike snickered. "Admire all you like, pet. Got years more of the admiring to bloody go." His eyes drifted shut as he listened to the sound of Angel's heart thumping deep inside his heaving chest.

"Well not as many as before, before it was eternity now it's just. well.until I die of old age or some weird disease."   Pulling himself up Spike pushed his damp tangled hair from his face wide cobalt eyes going wider. "No..." he whispered, "...don't worry we'll be together...forever, luv. Find a way I bloody well promise you." His eyes misted up as he lowered his face to Angel's chest. "I swear."

"Shhh, baby don't get upset. But know this you're not turning me again. Just say no to turning." Angel tried to uplift the situation because even he didn't want to think about it.   "God no, luv!" Spike glanced up in horror. "I'd never...I didn't...bloody Christ, Angel." He burrowed into his shoulder and moaned his voice muffled. "Would never hurt you like that...not curse you with this existence. Love you too sodding much."

"Oh, listen to you." Angel chuckled. "Cursed with this. I'll have you know you had the best turning and life I could give you until the soul came to town. I couldn't help the crazy running of the way."   "That's not what I meant you sodding, git." Spike sat up hissing as Angel slipped from his body. Sitting at the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees, he sighed. "I know you did. You were my sire..." Spike reached for the crumpled pack of smokes shaking one free. "You always did, but this existence isn't a good one...trust me...you should even know that."

Angel sighed rolling to his back and looking up at the mirror taking in his reflection. "Yeah, I know that." He started to mess with his hair. "God, this is what it looks like? Not sure about this red I feel like a punk."   A soft chuckle escaped Spike as he laid back his head resting on Angel's stomach, cigarette dangling from his lips. "Think it suits you just fine, pet." He stared up at the empty mirror watching the cigarette move of it's own accord. "You always were a bit uptight about what others thought. I like you now...Sean's life is what yours should have been, peaches."

"Just without the da who tried ta make me in ta somethin' I dinna want ta be." Angel quietly brought his hand down to Spike's chest and began lightly rubbing, just watching his hand connect with something the mirror wouldn't show. "I'm sorry I took your life away from you." He said suddenly not even sure why he had said it.   Spike shook his head as he exhaled a cloud of smoke his hand folding over Angel's. "Don't be sorry, luv. Never had much to live for...Cecily never wanted me...and...well I have doubts about me own mother, too." His eyes drifted shut as he thought of how his beloved mother turned on him after he'd brought her over.

"Only life---true life I had was with you. Always was...always will be, pet."

"Same here." Angel whispered. "So Gunn lived I'm really happy about that. Seems Illyria was wrong about that."   "Blue had a lot more of Fred in her than she'd like to admit. She saved him in the final minutes of the battle." Spike sighed softly. "Guess she couldn't lose another of her friends...Wes was enough..." he inhaled and blew a series of smoke rings up towards the mirror.

"Wesley." Angel sighed. "Going to miss, Wesley." He mused as his fingers started to card through Spike's locks, then he bolted upright.

"CONNOR!"   "Your son..." Spike sighed heavily sitting up he crushed the cigarette out in the saucer on the bedside table. "Just found your letter, pet. Why didn't you tell me? I mean before the battle? And how the bloody hell did you have a son...vamps can't have children."

Angel turned to Spike then grabbed his shoulder pulling him around so he was looking at him. "I never found the right moment. Never got a second to say `William I have a son'. Never knew how." He sighed, then smiled softly. "You met him, but you didn't know who he was."   "The boy..." Spike's eyes went wide, "...I should have known." He leaned in kissing Angel softly. "The boy Wes brought in...one who was hit by the van. His scent made my skin crawl, but I didn't put it together. He smelled like you, but he smelled different to--- almost human, but not quite." His brow rose. "So who was his mum, peaches?"

Angel looked away coughing. "It was really mean, bad sex.I swear."   Crawling over Angel and pinning him to the bed Spike grinned. "Didn't ask about how good the sex was, pet." He raised a brow as he lifted his hand and forced Angel to look at him. "Ask who your boy's mum was..."

"Miracle from God.like the baby Jesus. Yep that's it." Angel spit out quickly knowing he couldn't get away now that he's human.   "Look, luv..." Spike stroked his cheek a grin curling his lips, "...even the baby Jesus had a womb he crawled out of, peaches. Now 'fess up and quit being all `avoidy' as Red would say."

"Promise you won't throw a hissy fit."   Spike rolled his eyes and sighed. "Since when do I throw hissy fits?"

"Fine." Angels mumbled under his breath. "We'll see." He looked into Spike's eyes. "Darla was Connor's mom."   Spike snorted. "And how in the bloody hell did that happen?"

"Uhmmm.we did the nasty, fucked, rutted.did the naked mambo." Angel replied sarcastically.   "Smart arsed boy..." Spike growled leaning in and pinning Angel's wrists above his head. "I know how a babe's made, but how'd two annoying vamps one broody and one just evil incarnate manage to have an almost human baby?"

"Prophecy.miracle.that part was true. Connor was a miracle. Only thing Darla ever loved living or dead. She killed herself for him so he wouldn't die." Slipping from Spike's grip Angel lifted his hand and stroked Spike's cheek. "Born in a alley just like you."

"Was he now, pet?" Spike sighed softly as he rubbed against Angel's hand. "Can't quite bring myself to believe Darla cared enough about anything to let herself die." Spike's eyes drifted shut with a sigh. "She used any chance she could to punish me..."

"Aye, I know she was a jealous thing." Angel brogue slipped. "Never did like the competition. Ye made her skin crawl. Because ye could get me ta do anythin' fer ye, wit' ye, fer ye. She hated yer very existence more than anythin' I imagine."   Flipping over onto his back Spike growled softly. "Don't know the half of it, pet. She did things I never told you about...things that still haunt my bloody dreams." Spike reached up his fingers playing with the chain around his neck.

"I'll chase them away---the bad dreams." Angel whispered his fingers entwining with Spike's around the locket.   Spike's gaze lifted to meet Angel's. "Can you?" He whispered. "Always wondered about that, luv." He squeezed Angel's hand. "Are you who you look like? Or is this just another bloody dream?" His gaze dropped back to where their fingers were tangled--- a single tear trailing down his jaw.

"Quiz me then. Ask me anything.everything. Only the stuff Angel would know if you're still worried."   Shaking his head Spike rolled onto his side and lifted a hand stroking Angel's cheek. "Ain't that I don't think it's you, peaches. I just have waited so long to be here...in this moment. I'm afraid I'll wake up and none of this will be real...afraid I'll lose you and I can't do that again. Just can't, luv."

"Vamp out." Came Angel's simple reply.   Spike's eyes widened. "Vamp out?" He pulled back his hand worried by the determined look in Angel's eyes, but he knew that he had to do this. "Okay, pet...whatever you want..." He took a deep breath and let his face shift.

Sitting up Angel whispered. "Now here." He tilted his neck to the side.   Eyes glittering Spike drew near admiring the curve of Angel's neck. Even from here he could smell the rich fullness of his blood so close to the surface, the melodic beat of his heart filled Spike's ears. Swallowing he licked his lips and leaned in his cool lips brushing the warm skin of Angel's throat.

"I can't..." he whispered, "...but I want to so bad."

"You're over one hundred and forty---you can control yourself, Will. You want to know if you're awake, then find out I trust you."   Taking a deep useless breath Spike bared his incisors and growled. "Hope your trust ain't misplaced, luv." Bringing his mouth down he sank his teeth into Angel's throat and into the vein beneath. The rich, thickness filled his mouth, and he smiled as he drank.

Angel gripped Spike's forearms, but didn't pull him away. "It was once, but it isn't now." He murmured as Spike drank.   Spike's fingers tangled in the soft silk of Angel's hair, the words Angel spoke made him shiver. He wished with all his heart he could make this man his eternal companion, but his soul wouldn't allow it. With a groan he pulled back his face shifting, then licked the wound until the bleeding stopped and pulled back. His eyes met Angel's sleepy gaze. "Thank you, pet. Thank you for trusting in me."

A goofy smile spread across Angel's face. "No problemo, Will.my pleasure. Now kiss me."   "As you wish..." smiling Spike pulled Angel's mouth to his in a deep, softly probing kiss.

They kissed for as long as Angel didn't need to breath then he pulled back and set his forehead against Spike's. "So what now? Want to crawl into my big fat bath tub down the hall with me? We used to like baths together."   Chuckling Spike slid from the bed. "That we did, luv." Holding one hand out his smile widened. "I could carry you there if you'd like."

Angel snorted and crawled to the side of the bed. "You wouldn't dare."   "Wanna bet?" Suddenly Spike growled as he darted to the bed. A few seconds later Angel was naked, squirming, and Spike had him in a fireman's hold. "Hey now enough of the squirming. I'm a vamp, but your arse is still not that little."

"Hey! I'm not fat you little shit, I'm big boned and muscular." Angel yelped indignantly as he was carried to the bathroom stark naked.

Gunn came out of the guest room again flanked by Illyria. Angel just waved as Gunn's mouth dropped open in shock even as Illyria gave a knowing grin to Angel. Yes she was going to use this one a lot in the future, she thought.   "Yo, Charlie..." Spike called over his shoulder, "...help yourself to anything in the fridge. Can't be having you starve to death while we get re-aquainted." He ducked through the bathroom door and called out behind him, "...oh, and Blue don't even be thinking blackmail!"

Illyria frowned and Angel smiled so big she swore if the power went out no one would have noticed.

"I love you so much." He crowed delightfully to Spike as he closed the door watching Illyria tug a still gaped mouth Gunn down the hall.   "Love you to Angel." Spike chuckled as he sat him down on his feet. "Poor Charlie's been traumatized yet again, pet. Now show your mate how to work this monstrosity. You always were a luxury whore...ain't changed much."

"Not a luxury whore just like nice, pretty things." Angel bent over turning the knobs and plugged the tub. He watched as the jets began spurting out water and waited to check the temperature.   Spike walked up behind Angel stroking his hips and grinding his half hard cock against Angel's ass. "Now, pet...you can't be displaying that tasty view and not expect a comment."

Angel smiled a bit, then reached back gripping Spike's hipbone and pulled him tighter to his body so his cock ground against his hole. "Who said it wasn't my plan all along---huh?"   Moaning Spike ran his hands down Angel's spine his fingers tickling across his tattoo. "Now you have me worried, peaches. Got all your lovely memories back and you're still offering your arse to me." He chuckled as he leaned forward reaching beneath Angel to fist his cock. "You like that, luv?" He squeezed roughly.

Angel hands scrambled for purchase---for anything to grab on, too. He finally grabbed the knob and he prayed it would stay put.

"Yeahhh." he moaned pushing back again. "And no reason to be worried. It's another of the things I always wanted to tell you, always wanted to do, but never knew how to ask for. Figured didn't have to worry now since you already took the steps."   Spike raised a brow and grinned. "Got something slick over there, peaches. Want to give you an idea of what you missed all those years."

Angel released one hand from the knob to reach up and grab the lotion on the stand by the tub, then handed it back to Spike. "There." His hand returned to the knob, his fingers closing around it,  and closed his eyes. He could do this---he could. He'd dreamed about it enough, jerked off to it enough. He'd even gotten drunk and told Harmony about it once. Thank god she had been worse off than him.   Carefully Spike coated his fingers pressing his thigh between Angel's legs. "There now, pet..." he whispered as he slid his fingers down Angel's crease to his quivering opening. "Been down this road already...remember, luv. No worries." Slowly he works one, then two fingers into Angel's tight opening. "How's that, pet?"

Angel shook his head. He couldn't talk, he couldn't, his voice would sound stupid, needy.god more there oh God. He bit his tongue to keep from screaming for a good hard fuck.   Spike stroked his spine with one hand as he pumped his fingers in and out. "Talk to me, peaches." He noticed the tauntness in Angel's shoulders and begins cooing softly. "Now...it's all fine...no need to be scared, pet." He crooks his fingers and strokes that sensitive nub gently.

Moaning out loud now Angel cried out in a desperate voice. "Not fucking scared.oh, god Spike."   "Then what is it, mate?" Spike whispered softly as he added a third finger to Angel's clenching ass. "You can tell me anything, luv. Won't bloody laugh...just found you won't do anything to risk hurting you or chasing you away."

Angel banged his head off the side of the tub and slowly lowered them both to the floor so he wasn't as awkward, holding the knob, and trying to stay upright. Now he was on his hands and knees his ass high up in the air as Spike thrust his fingers inside him and he was starting to think he seriously needs to rethink awkward.

But when Spike's fingers brush that spot inside him again he claws at the tile and cries out.

"Want you, okay! Dreamt about it, fantasized about it, and after the ring I would wake up so hard from those dreams. You were just taking me.using me like I had you sometimes. Don't know what caused them but they never stopped, then when I started to like them it didn't matter anymore. Please Spike. just please.I want you."   "See now wasn't that hard was it, pet?" Spike pulled his fingers from Angel's ass, then released his cock. Gently he slid his thumbs down Angel's crease separating and spreading his quivering cheeks. "Shhh...now..." he positioned the tip of his cock and flexed his hips, "...gonna do you right, pet."

"Oh, for the love of god, Spike! I'm not china just fuck me already!" Angel whined, the anticipation almost too much even though he'd done this before. But it hadn't really been him---had it?

  Snorting Spike pushed forward the head of his cock stretching the tight ring of muscle. "Might not be china, but your sodding tight..." with those words his cock pushed through with a muffled pop and he slid home with a growl. Reaching beneath Angel he curled his fingers around Angel's cock.

"Now luv---you ready for the moving?"

When Angel could finally speak he whimpered out. "Yesss.please.yes."   Carefully Spike pulled back, then thrust again. His hand moved along Angel's erection in time with each slow, even thrust. "You're beautiful, luv. Did I ever tell you that?" He began to speed up, his free hand gripping Angel's hip bone. "'Cause if I didn't I should bloody well be ashamed of myself."

"You have a lot recently actually." Angel started pushing back every time Spike thrust forward.   "Good...got some catching up to do, luv." Spike's thrusts sped up as he leaned forward. He placed a trail of cool kisses up Angel's sweat dappled spine. "You're so tight, so bloody silky, and the warmth... God you're warm, luv. Like a sodding furnace."

"And yourrr.yourrr.so cool, so hard, long and cool...god this feels good." Angel stuttered out shivering every now and then, but only from the pleasure of the act not from anything else.   "Fire and ice, pet. That's always been us...oil and water, too." His lips caressed Angel's neck as he continued thrusting harder and faster. "We always found a way though...didn't we...always found a way to make it work."

Angel nodded frantically his body zinging.

"Through everything.through time, walls, obstacles...always.always found our way to each other. Always found a way to be together." He shivered again and tried to hold back a deep moan trying to remain manly, but still enjoy it. Hell he was almost about ready to just let loose he'd already gave so much already. "Even in fights, even in turmoil.even when it seemed lost...ohhh godddd...you...you and I.....oh god Spike.....just always you and I."   "We were meant for each other mate. I always knew..." Spike panted softly as he tried to control the vicious need rising in the pit of his stomach, "...knew from the moment I woke in that sodding alley."

Beads of perspiration dripped down Spike's face as he gripped Angel's hips tighter. Leaning forward he pressed his lips to the damp skin of Angel's neck. "Love your taste, pet. Love your scent..." he moaned as his thrusts sped up. "Want you to scream my name, luv." He inhaled Angel's scent with a groan. "Tell me what you want...my turn to drive you nutters..." he chuckled softly.

Angel clenched his eyes shut pushing back harder and faster against Spike as he whispered. "I just...I just want you...all of you...I just want you to give me you and let me give you me. I want you to possess me." He rubbed his neck against Spike's mouth. "Let me know what it would be like from this angle. I took your life and I know you won't take mine. But...but let me feel the possibility let me feel how much you want me. Let me feed you...take from me like I took from you. Make us even, make us one."   Growling Spike lifted his hands stroking Angel's back, then his neck. "Driving me crazy, peaches..." he whimpered as his eyes shifted from blue to gold. "You sure about this, pet?" His features shifted as his incisors lengthened.

"Never been so sure about anything William. Drink me Will---fuck me-- -take everything."   Rearing back Spike growled, then plunged down his teeth sinking into Angel's throat as his hand tightened around his throbbing cock. The first burst of sweet, thick blood on his tongue sent Spike's hips into overdrive. He didn't want to hurt Angel, but God this felt to right.

The tight heat surrounding him, the pulsing heat in his palm, and finally that exquisite nectar that filled him. He drank until he couldn't drink any longer without harming Angel's beautiful mortal body. Pulling back he hissed as he licked his lips, then smiled wide. "Taste so good...just like I thought..." his fist tightened as he pounded deeper still, "...come for me, luv." Those last words were whispered as he licked at the twin wounds in Angel's convulsing throat.

Angel moaned at his voice keening off into a hiss then nothing as he struggled for air, coming harder than he could ever remember--- living or dead, then living again. His body seized, his head clouded over and all he knew was Spike, all he could comprehend was Spike. the face he saw before he passed out was...Spike. But then his life had always begun and ended with Spike from the moment he came into his life.   As Angel came so did Spike as well. The sweet tightness milking him dry as he growled and writhed. Barely in control he caught Angel's body as he went limp and he carefully shifted onto his side as he slipped from inside Angel. He shifted Angel over so his head was resting against his chest and slowly stroked his fingers through Angel's sweat soaked hair.

"Angel...God love you something bloody well  awful, pet." He shifted again so Angel was cradled in his arms and he leaned in kissing his brow softly. "Face of an angel...ain't no sodding angel this beautiful..." he whispered.   After a few moments and a bit of worry over anything and everything Spike pulled himself to his feet. Turning off the water he gently lifted Angel in his arms and carried him back to the bedroom. He couldn't wake Angel---well he could have, but he looked so tired. Tucking the covers around Angel he placed a kiss on his lips.

"My Angel..." he whispered. Grabbing his jeans he tugged them on and grabbed his smokes heading to the kitchen for a beer.

***

Gunn was sitting on the edge of the table looking out towards the water seemingly watching something. But as if he sensed Spike coming he quietly spoke. "You know I've had years to process that." He gestured towards the hall. "And I still have to say man I'm as shocked as when I walked into that office. But at least now I'm open minded about it."   Snorting Spike opened the fridge staring into its depths as he lit a smoke. "Should have gotten you bloody therapy, Charlie." He grabbed two beers and sat down pushing one across the table. "Hard to make humans understand sometimes about us vamps..." he inhaled and stared at the beer bottle. "It ain't just about the sex..." he glanced up as he exhaled a hint of a smile on his lips, "...of course the sex is great, but it's about the bloodline as well...a connection on...well...I know you'll think it's right stupid, but a spiritual connection. Its about trust Charlie...pure and simple." He tipped the bottle taking a deep swallow.

Gunn picked up the bottle still staring out the window. "I get ya man I do and I don't need therapy. I'm just...Angel never seemed the type. He didn't even seem the type with girls. He was like the lone, celibate hero. I guess it was just a big throw. You though I expected anything from you man. But I don't mind it.not even then. You're good for him and he's good for you. I guess one of you being human don't even stop it. He can't even say it's a vampire thing. But I can see the love and dude he can love like no other person I've seen. So I get this. I get this more than you know."

He smiled chuckling when what he has been watching-Illyria---bobbed up, seemed frustrated, and then disappeared back beneath the water.

"She hates when she has to come up for air." Gunn turned to Spike and his face was calm and somber. "I get you and him. I get it. I look at her sometimes and I wonder do I love her for her or do I love her for what she used to be. What she still resembles, what's still in there, even if she won't admit it. I love her for the things that may not be there and for all the things she is that one little Texan girl could never be.no matter how damn perfect she was. I love her---faults and all. God like tendencies, powers, good, or bad, Spike. I'm not a damn thin without her. No matter how we got here that's still my Fred and that's now Illyria. So I get you and Angel. Centuries and so many personali-ties, you think I don't get ya but I do man. He's in your gut you can't dig that shit out. Male or female. Vampire or human."   Spike took another pull off the bottle, then looked up at Gunn with glistening eyes. "Twenty-five years, Charlie. Bloody hell I can't believe he's back with me. I ain't sodding letting go this time bro'. Can't be losing him ever again." His gaze lowered to the burning ember of his smoke. "I can't go back Charlie...just can't..." his words faded as he took another drag off his smoke.

Gunn's expression saddened as he sighed turning back to the window. He was quiet for a few minutes then quietly he whispered. "Ya about that."   Brows rising Spike exhaled. "Charlie...?" His voice tightened as he leaned forward grabbing the beer. Finishing off the beer he dropped the butt in the bottle listening to the dregs of liquid sizzle.

"Got a call was going to swim with the woman, but then the phone...Lexi called."   A crease of worry carved its way between Spike's dark brows. "Is Lexi okay? The bloody fruit loop of a boy toy better not have hurt her. I swear if he did I'll find some use for his intestines other than sodding digestion."

Gunn chuckles, but even the laugh was tented with a sense of sadness. "Nah, man she's jus' fine. she's my girl. There's trouble back home. Like big time...war-front, apocalyptic type shit. Guess the bad guys heard we took a va-kay and now they went nuts. No you. no I only Lex perfect opportunity to try to swoop in. Or maybe it's just some prophecy shit. But she can't do it on her own. We have to go back to help her. And Spike man I don't want to do this, but we can't fight no war without you. One champion lost is enough. Ya gotta come home with us."   Pushing back the chair Spike stood and began pacing the floor. It felt like his chest was caving in one rib at a time. "Charlie...I can't..." he shook his head as he lit another smoke, "...I can't lose him again. Dammit to bloody hell!" Spike's eyes flashed gold as he picked up a ceramic bowl from the counter slamming it into the wall. "Tell me Charlie that we can take him with...no he can't... he's human and if they find out..." his voice trailed off as he scrubbed at his face, his eyes burning. "Damn this bloody soul..." he took a drag as the tears began silently trailing down his face.

Gunn stood, walking to Spike and in a show of uncharacteristic fashion pulled Spike into a hug--- well a manly hug but a hug neither the less. "Shh man I know, but we can't Spike. Can't do this without you and we can't take him. All his enemies if they knew.if they found out. Angelus---Scourge of Europe---human, beatin' heart and no strength. They'll eat him alive literally. If we survive you can come back man. I'm not goin to stop ya but ya have to, ya have to come." Gunn squeezed hard, then stepped back.

"I'm goin to check on my girl, watch her bond with the creatures of the lake. We aren't leavin' for an hour or two yet. Go to him, tell him everything, tell him nothing, but when we leave make sure you imprint him just in case." With that Gunn walks outside and down the hill towards the lake.   Spike stood watching as Gunn left and he swallowed back the tears dropping the cigarette in the floor. He turned back towards the bedroom and wandered down the hall. When he reached the door he stood there for a moment silently watching his sire, his best friend, and now his human lover.

Angel was curled on his side his chest rising and falling with an all too human breath. The covers had fallen pooling around his narrow waist. Slowly Spike moved across the room and up the steps to settle down next to Angel. His vision shimmered like an illusion--- heat on tarmac---as he took in each detail of Angel's sleeping visage. Not Angel, he thought, Angel had been a vampire, the champion of the powers that be. This was Angel's soul, his face, but he was Sean---just human. No more, no less.

Turning over instinctively as if he can sense him Angel put his head in Spike's lap and smiled---his arms wrapping around his waist.   Spike lifted his hand and stroked his trembling fingers through the red tipped dark silk of Angel's hair. How can I do this, he thought, how can I leave him behind? Despite his best effort at control a single tear trailed down his pale face. For a moment it clung precariously to his jaw, then it fell. The crystalline drop splashed against Angel's sun-kissed face and Spike swallowed hard.

"Don't want to leave you, peaches. Damn the powers that be...damn them to bloody hell..."

The tear drop landed on Angel's face and it was enough for him to open his eyes. He looked up at Spike and grinned, kissing his stomach softly.

"Hey, baby boy." Then he chuckled. "Not sure I can use that anymore you're older than me now." Then he saw the expression in Spike's eyes and frowned. "What's wrong? Tell me."   Shaking his head Spike closed his eyes against the world. "I don't want to lose you again, pet. I have to leave..." he whispered as he took a deep unneeded breath, "...I have to leave...don't know if I can say good-bye...not again..."

Angel sat up---a bit stunned and confused. "Okay, then don't leave. Can't lose me if you don't leave. Spike what's going on? I'm sorry I passed out on you. You didn't hurt me I swear."   "Ain't that, luv...something bad coming..." he sighed pulling Angel into his arms. "World needs it's champion...have to go..." he squeezed his arms tightly around Angel, "...don't want to, but I got no bloody choice." He pulled back pressing cool lips to Angel's flushed face. "World already lost one champion...can't lose another."

"Well then I'll come...help." Angel got off the bed as fast as he could. "I may be human but I still can remember all the training. Just because I'm not a Vampire doesn't make me useless."

For a moment that part of Spike that was selfish wants to grab Angel and run back to LA or maybe some far away Caribbean island.

A deep sigh escaped him. "No..." the word was bitter on his tongue. "Lost you all those years ago and I'll be bloody damned if I lose you again." He grabbed Angel's forearms and squeezed them looking up into Angel's bottomless eyes. "You have a life now...a family...a true home. I can't let you risk that, pet. Not now...not ever."

He pulled Angel close and breathed in the scent that screamed home and safety wanting only to take a tiny piece of that with him back to LA. He buried his face in Angel's chest so he couldn't see the tears that were forming in his eyes once more.

"I swear...swear on my mother's ashes...I will come back for you. I will..." he placed a gentle kiss above Angel's beating heart.

 Angel let his arms hang loosely as he begged softly--- desperately. "But you're my home, my family, and I just got you back, too. Don't I get a say in this? I know I'm not your sire.not anymore.but Will I don't want to let you go then lose you. Forever being lonely and racked with guilt because I just sat here like a good human damn it. Don't I get to even argue just a little bit?"

Shaking his head Spike refused to look up. "I couldn't protect you before, but I can now. Please...Angel don't make this any worse than it all ready is...please..." his words were filled with a desperation that he hated. Honestly he had no way of stopping Angel from following him, but he would pull out all the stops. "If you love me, Angel...you'll stay here."

Angel's jaw tightened and he nodded stiffly backing up. "Fine I'm staying. You better get going." He turned and opened the bathroom door walking halfway in then stopping calling out behind him. "No good-byes, no promises. I love you, Will." Then Angel shut the door behind him.

Staring at the door Spike was overcome by the need to follow, but he couldn't. Tears glittering in his eyes he turned around and walked out his chest burning. As he walked away he pull-ed back his fist and slammed it into the hallway wall with a roar. His gaze drifted up as he growled.

"You bastards I hope you're happy..." with one final glance back he whispered softly, "...love you too...Liam."   Illyria moved into the hall and turned her head thoughtfully eyeing Spike. "Love it is still so foreign to me. But I feel your pain. I feel it as nothing I've felt before. I understand why you are bitter and I wish for this to be different blonde one. But the facts still remain. One Champion lost.one remaining. Your efforts are required, but I am never the less sorry you have to leave the one you love."

Her head tipped towards the bedroom then and she walked two steps forward her hand reaching out. "He is angry and sad. He wishes he could be what he once was. He does not like this absence of power. The Scourge is just a man now." Then she turned glancing at Spike. "But the man hurts worse he does not want what he loves most ripped from him. He has not had a perfect life or been able to keep what made it perfect." Her head tipped again and her eyes closed. "He is scared."

"So am I, Blue...so am I..." Spike walked past Illyria his hand caressing her shoulder. "Never been so bloody scared in my life."

Illyria laid her hand on top of Spike's in an uncharacteristic show of affection looking into his eyes. "Love is `forever', love can conquer `anything'. If you take that love into this fight you will come back to him. I was impenetra-ble.unstoppable before. Now with love I am invincible. Now I am truly a god."

Gunn appeared smiling at them. "Are we ready to rumble kiddies?"

Nodding Illyria smiled as best she could back, then she patted Spike's hand once more and walked towards Gunn.

Just then the door opened barely and Angel peered out. Gunn lifted his hand waving and Angel waved back. Illyria turned just nodding as Angel nodded back.

Back stiffening Spike closed his eyes. He knew that Angel was there, he knew because he could sense him on so many levels it hurt. If he turned around though he knew he wouldn't be able to leave he just was not that strong.

"Okay, Blue let's get this show on the road."

Illyria focused and a portal opened---a swirl of silvery blue light. First Gunn, then Illyria step through and as Spike stepped forward he turned back to see Angel watching with sad, dark eyes. He mouthed three words `Always Love You', then stepped through disappearing into the light before it closed behind him.

Angel laid his head against the door frame and whispered. "Always love you, too."

 ****

 Two pairs of hands that belong to two fourths of the Powers that Be roam over the clouds and they dissipate showing the fight below.

Two distinct male voices boom out, but only the other two beings can hear them. "Good he did as he was told. We can not win a fight for good if we do not have our champion. One loss is enough."

The other male nodded. "One is definitely more than necessary."

Two soft feminine voices ring through the atmosphere like the sweetest of chimes. They spoke in unison as if two pieces of the same being. "Why must we abuse these mortals so? Have not they suffered enough?"

The soft fragrance of jasmine drifted through the still air as they approached the scene unfolding far below on the earth. "We already know that he will not survive this battle then what?"

"There is no then what. He will serve his purpose then he will be released. Two demons with souls we let do our bidding, work for good. And one received more than he should have. This one will not be so lucky." The two men spoke together as they walk around watching the scene.

"We are the powers that rule all beings can we but show a small amount of compassion to those who have served us?"

Two pairs of soft delicate hands played across the misty clouds to reveal a log cottage amidst thick trees near a lake of crystalline water. On the dock a dark haired man sat staring out across the water, dark circles beneath his eyes, and tears staining his face.

"Once he was our champion...now his lover is our champion...there is something special about these two. And yet you wish to speak of receiving too much?" Two pairs of eyes turned upon two others.

"He has received nothing, but pain and sorrow."

The two men's voices boom loudly. "WE CARE NOT!! We care not of love, loss, and pain. We serve only life and the preservation of it. We serve only good. We do not serve whims and wants, needs or desires. That is not our purpose.that is not our way. You two care too much of human traits, you care too much of things you should dare not."

The women snorted in disgust their voices rising to the roar of the wild wind. "Must we always remind you that without such things as love, compassion, and loyalty this world would have long ago been crushed! My how soon we forget the lessons of the old ones. Look upon the old one Illyria. She thought herself untouchable...she thought humans nothing, but an infestation of her world. Now she fights by their side, she loves and bears the child of one of these 'humans'."

"Weakness, frailty." The men replied as they bent over the scene to watch that particular demi-god fight. "They tainted her and then she was changed---made weak. We are not weak, we are not frail, and we must not take pity on all our champions. The dark soul's fate was written this one's." they gestured to Spike knee deep in demons, ". he has no fate written. We owe him nothing, but to let him die an honorable death. He has earned that with the finding of his soul. But we owe him nothing else. It is not our job to cater."

"Look..." the women demanded their hands parting the clouds to reveal the past. "Despite our best efforts the dark soul having been given a second chance still remembered his childe, his past life...is that not enough to convince you of the obvious. Sire and childe have a deep bond...a bond like nothing else upon the earth. This bond has been passed on over time and space...between lives...and we must insist that this bond not be severed. We are about life and if this bond is severed the dark soul will follow his childe...his lover into death. Is that what you wish?"

The men looked at each other, then looked back below. They circle once.twice, then looked at each other again. Coming to what seems to be a silent agreement between each other they turned to the women and spoke as one.

"This option changes things. What do you offer?"

Soft smiles spread across twin faces as the women spoke. "We know this one...the poet must die. So it is written...but beyond that we may do as we wish. We wish to give him the same as his sire received...a mortal life."

"Does he keep his memories intact? And if so I take it he should be the age he is now. Not growing up like the dark soul?" The men questioned.

 "Yes...you are correct in your assumptions. These two souls were meant to be together and even we can not deny that. They are but two souls among millions, but they are champions who deserve their due." The women reached out to take the hands of their companions. "His death is near the decision must be unanimous."

They all clasped hands and stepped forward. With a nod to each they looked down just as Spike missed blocking a shot and a wooden spike drives into his chest.

The Powers speak as one. "It is done."

A bright light booms from above and the clouds close up. But below all there is ash. Then nothing.

Two days later....

Angel had gotten the call---it had been short, sweet and to the point.

Illyria had made it. Gunn couldn't and Angel respected that. Angel also respected the threat  she had made if he tried to kill himself. He'd promised he wouldn't and hung up but he didn't promise for how long he wouldn't.

So as he did once or twice every day when he wasn't seated on the dock Angel treaded up to the house to use the restroom and check his messages. He stopped and looked down at the lake. It was a peaceful day---pretty. He wished he could enjoy it but he wouldn't enjoy any- thing anymore.

He laid his hand on the knob opening the door and a bright light blinded him momentarily. Shielding his eyes from it until it ebbed away. He slowly opened his eyes, then closed them immediately not trusting what he'd just seen.

"Please no, please don't do this to me." He murmured to himself, his voice edged with hysteria.

But who wouldn't when they were seeing the pre-vampire version of their two day `dead for good' lover. Angel started to breathe harshly through his nose afraid to open his eyes. The vision was so perfect, beautiful William in all his splendid glory. His hair loose and curly his frame just as it had been then.just as it had been when he had changed William's life from short-lived to eternity.

"Please." He whispered once more a tear forming in his eye.

Stepping forward from the shadowy kitchen William smiled softly almost shyly. He was wearing a faded pair of blue jeans---slung low on his hips---and a soft blue button down that almost matched the blue of his eyes.

"Angel?" His voice was softer, too. Far more like the young man of old, yet he still had that edge. It had just been softened. "Don't cry, pet. It's me...I swear."

Angel opened his eyes but they were weary. "You're gone, you left, you never came back. You're never going to come back. No good-byes, no promises." He backed up a few steps his back hitting the door. "Don't wear his face whatever you are.don't wear his face."

Spike stepped closer his arms raised out in a calming manner and his eyes sparkling like the clear blue of the lake beyond the deck. "Angel... it's okay...swear, luv." He smiled gently. "What do I need to tell you to make you believe me?"

Shaking his head Angel spoke softly. "Stop it. Stop looking like him. talking like him."   It was obvious to Spike that Angel hadn't eaten or slept since he left for LA. It was also obvious that there was nothing on God's green earth that he could bloody well say to convince him that this was real----hell even Spike wasn't sure at this point what had happened. One minute he'd been 'fighting the good fight', then there was an agonizing pain and darkness.

He remembered voices speaking to him. Telling him that he had passed from his earthly body. Then a bright warmth had filled his soul and the voices had said he had earned his reward. Suddenly he'd been here----in front of an obviously terrified Angel---and he didn't have any answers.

Stepping into Angel's space he grabbed his hand pushing it beneath his shirt and against his warm silken skin right above where his heart was.

"Angel..." was all he whispered as he reached out with his other hand tilting Angel's face up with his trembling fingers.

Angel's hand started to pull back but stopped cold and pressed back slowly to the warm skin. Tears started to fall slowly and all Angel could manage was one sound.

"Oh..." he hiccuped. "Ohhh..." his fingers grazed and pressed feeling the heartbeat of his lover, his best friend, after so long. He found he had never felt anything as good as this balm for his soul.

Looking into Spike's face he just repeats softer.

"Oh."   "Yeah, pet..." Spike smiled even wider his own eyes filling with tears. "Seems there was room for one more vamp with a soul in that sodding prophecy." Then he pulled Angel into his arms holding on for dear life and praying that this wasn't a dream.

"Oh." Angel said again and started to laugh and cry. Holding Spike tight he buried his face in his hair. He held him so tight for so long then picked him up off the ground and spun in a little circle screaming with joy, feeling stupid, but too happy to let it register much. When he lowered Spike to the ground he tipped his face up and grazed his thumb over his jaw.

"Look at you, god look at you so beautiful." His eyes swept over Spike's face then he smiled and pressed one of Spike's hands to his chest. He closed his eyes feeling his and Spike's heartbeats together. "This is new."   Chuckling Spike reached up cupping Angel's face in his free palm drawing him down and kissed him deeply. He could taste the salty dampness of Angel's tears and a hint of coffee as he swept the tip of his tongue over Angel's lips. With a soft sigh he pulled back not caring that his own face was slick with tears of joy and disbelief. "New, but good...real...it's real. I got to be a real boy..."

"Pinnochio has nothing on you Will." Angel whispered as he kissed Spike's nose, then he sighed. "Are we sure this is real? Maybe I finally killed myself and this is purgatory."   Spike snorted in disbelief. "Don't think so, peaches. You never were one for the organized religions...now were you? And I got to say--- Pinnochio? Only one person standing here that's ever had the honor of being a wee little puppet man." He patted himself down searching for his smokes. "On second thought though...might just be purgatory...no fags and dying for one right now."

Laughing Angel gripped Spike's hands. "Starting today we buy you patches. No more smoking for you. It can kill you." Then he chuckled again and lifted Spike's hands kissing the knuckles repeat-ing in awe. "It could kill you."   One dark brow shot up at Angel's words. "Patch? Oh, bloody hell..." Spike grumbled, "...know it can kill me now, luv, but could I at least have one before you wean me. Never had the experience of tobacco on human taste buds me mum didn't think it was proper."

Angel raised a brow then nodded. "Bedroom you left a pack in there..." then when Spike started to run towards the bedroom he screamed. "BUT JUST ONE!!"   "YES, MOTHER!" Spike yelled over his shoulder as he headed for the bedroom. His gaze settled on the night stand and he said a tiny prayer to the powers that he'd get at least this one thing.

Shaking a smoke from the pack he casually sauntered back to the kitchen where Angel was leaning in the doorway with a smirk on his face.

"Found 'em..." Spike sighed as he slipped the cigarette between his parted lips. He lifted the lighter to the tip of the cigarette and inhaled.

That was his first mistake.

Thick smoke filled his throat causing his eyes and nose to water, then he broke out into the cough-ing fit of all coughing fits. Dropping the cigarette to the floor he doubled over gacking and cursing all in one breath.

Angel started to laugh, but managed to the point to the floor. "Put that out before our house catches on fire." Then he started to laugh again turning and heading to the kitchen shaking his head as he went. He had so wanted to see that. He knew Spike wouldn't think about it.   "Bastard..." Spike hissed between coughs as he picked up the offending object and went to the sink soaking it, then tossing it in the trash. "You bloody well knew that was..." he burst out coughing again, "...going to happen. Sodding powers that be done turned me into a nancy-boy..." he grumbled as he flopped into one of the kitchen chairs.

Despite the grumbling his eyes still sparkled with amusement. It wasn't like he didn't deserve that, he thought.

Angel leaned back against the counter. "Living, breathing boy now. Going to age, going to have cricks and aches. Going to need to breathe when we kiss. Not going to have vampire recovery time. Well. that one kind of sucks, but you're alive again Spike. We can sunbathe, we can use the bathroom, tire and someday we're going to die. It's all different now."   Spike tried to keep up the pout, but he just couldn't. Slowly it transformed into a brilliant smile and he chuckles. "Yeah, the recovery that one sucks, but now let's..." he stood and prowled across the room to Angel, "...talk about the sunbathing bit. Always wanted to see you in a thong, pet." Then he was stretching his arms around Angel, his hands caressing down his spine to the soft dip above Angel's ass. He smirked at Angel as his hands slide further to cup the curve of his ass cheeks. "You know that this luscious arse just screams for a thong."

"It's naked ass or nothing buddy." Angel stiffly replied, but then he grinned reaching around gripping Spike's ass. "But yours on the other hand. I see lots of trips to a specialty store in our future. Paintings of you as a fireman, cowboy, space-boy, oh the possibilities are just endless."

Snickering Spike winked at Angel and wiggles his ass. "Well, I suppose I wouldn't mind the fireman or the cowboy, but space-boy?" He raised a brow and snorted. "What you planning on doing? Painting my body green and dressing me in a silver lame thong?"

Angel's cock twitched and he groaned pulling Spike closer. He kissed Spike softly, then pulled back setting his forehead against his. "God, I love you and if this isn't real please don't wake me up. I don't care if this is hell there's no place I would rather be."   "Me either, luv...me either..." Spike leaned against Angel's broad chest and placed a kiss above his heart.

Angel smiled softly his hands stroking up Spike's back. "You're home now.you're home."  ~Epilogue~   Illyria sat down in the arm chair looking over the group of people gathered. She had changed her appearance to look like Fred, she had found she did this more often as the years passed. Everyone in this room knew her real appearance, but for times like these she liked to be as human and as gentle looking as possible. So with a smile she opened her mouth and began her tale.

"Once upon a time there were two men years and years apart, but never the less fated to meet. They were changed---made eternal. These two men when they met each other for the first time through circumstances and hardship found each other and the rest was history. Destined. They loved with a fire, an intensity the world had never seen and will probably never see again."

The room was filled with oohs and awes causing Illyria to smile as she carried on her voice gentle.

"They loved like no creatures---human or otherwise. Through everything they loved--- tragedy, time, space, death and hell they always found their way back to each other. The road was not always easy.their story not always a fairy tale." Illyria paused and fingered the locket around her neck with a sad smile. "There were losses, deaths, hills that sometimes were hard to cross. But through adversity and pain they found a way."

The room settles into another wave of sounds, soft sighs and bodies moving closer together in love and remembrance.

"These two men were each others world, rocks,  and everything. Every name they had, every incarnation they lived and only one name did their hearts speak." She paused again glancing  towards  Angel and Spike's adopted children---a girl, Wini Elizabeth and a boy James Aidan. Then she looked at Connor---much older, but still there.

They all smiled at her as she spoke softly. "Each one's other."

Connor, Wini, and James all looked at one another and Connor pulled them towards him.

Illyria continued moving her gaze to the far right looking at Katherine. "And they fought, and they warred, and powers both good and evil sought to keep them from each other, or to find a way to reunite them. And they did always one way or another they found each other. And everything they had lost they had found again anew. Every memory they wanted back they got."

Katherine smiled and a tear slid down her cheek.

"They were gifted with us, but they were also our gifts." She looked towards her children who smiled knowing smiles as she fingered the locket once more.

Her gaze finally settled on the array of children young and old on the floor. Children and grandchildren of Angel, Spike, herself, Connor, Wini, James and Katherine.

"And when the battle was finally over and their lives were restored with no more demons, no more sadness they were finally able to be happy. Once and for all. No more hands tugging.no more differences. They were the same---equals--- true mates. They made a life together in this house." Illyria swept her hand around the expanse of the log cabin house that still stood. "They made a life together. Did things they once couldn't do. Fought, cried, laughed, loved and they did it together. They made a family."

Connor hugged Wini and James.

"They reunited with family they had."

Connor smiled as everyone looked at him.

"They did it all. Lived their lives to the fullest with endless love and endless happiness. They may have been human, but they still were eternal."

She smiled sadly again as she gazed out the window her eyes settling on a sculpture of two men together in a lover's embrace. Their bodies melding together---blending to make one. Two almond trees surround the statue---signifying immortality.

"Even in the end they were immortal. Even the end was a fairy tale." Her eyes scanned over the beautiful garden, then back to the roomful of people where an uncharacteristic tear slid down her cheek.

"Where they were found curled together, hands threaded, and their faces peaceful as if in sleep. Because even in death they followed each other, even in death they could not be separated. One cannot live without the other. Fitting that they leave this plane together. Fitting that this was their end. So my children we cremated their bodies per their wishes and spread them as they requested. Ireland. England.."

As one the family turned towards the window looking out over the lake she whispered.

"And the lake." Illyria smiled. "Because this story would not be complete if you did not end where you started, and start where you ended."

She stood walking around the room, touching each face tenderly and lovingly, then walked towards the window gazing at the sculpture once more.

"And our moral in this story as always my loves is that.no matter the price, no matter the war, no matter the losses.true love like this, a love like no other always finds a way. Always lives on, simply is eternal, simply is forever, and simply is immortal." She lifted her hand fingers grazing over the window. "Fate, destiny, true love that is your legacy my champions. That was what defined you.that was what you were. I will never forget.no one will ever forget." She turned heading to the door.

Opening the door she smiles, then screams. "Last one to the lake has to clean up dinner!"

The room burst into squeals and madness as the children raced to the door clamoring to get outside, followed by their parents who kiss Illyria on their way out. When the house was finally empty Illyria closed her eyes and she could hear the sound of two male voices laughing. If she reached further she could sense them watching a smile in their eyes, love in their hearts, their spirits still here-- -always here.

"Goodnight my champions let flights of angel's sing you to your rest." She walked outside closing the door behind her leaving the house with its warmth, love and memories to rest. To preserve for eternity.

The End

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